Cardiac
by Wyall Jared
Summary: Dr Poppy Alden lands hands first into Seattle Grace; meeting up with old friends and new acquaintances, how will she cope with patients, romance and heartbreak? Post S6... OC/Sloan
1. New Beginnings

_**I know this has an original character as the main character but I thought it would be interesting to see Seattle Grace through a different POV. And there is loads of Mer/Der...and plenty of good things happen to them, I don't intend to torture them!**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Grey's Anatomy; only the original characters.**

"Why are you stopping?" I had my eyes fixed on my Blackberry. The cab I was travelling along the highway in had pulled up behind the red SUV in front.

"I don't know." I watched as the cab driver tuck his car out of the way of the approaching sirens and I instantly knew there had been a collision. And judging by the volume of the traffic that had stopped in front of us I knew I had to get my ass into gear. "Where are you going?" I chucked enough bills into the passenger seat to cover my original journey and exited the cab.

I really wasn't dressed appropriately to engage in medical emergencies, skinny jeans and heels are not what you wear to go climbing on top of cars with. Especially when aforementioned shoes cost eight hundred dollars; just another perk of the job I suppose. I slung my leather shoulder bag over and across my body and headed for the carnage, I could already see clouds of steam from busted radiators.

"Excuse me, you can't go any further." A gloved hand halted me from getting closer to the accident. I looked and saw the very handsome face of a policeman.

"I'm a doctor, I can help." I began rummaging through my bag to get hold of my medical licence card to show him.

"Are you sure?" I could see him taking in what I was wearing.

"Yes. Here's my card." But before I had to show him the awful photo ID he waved me through; helped no doubt by the screaming woman his colleague was dealing with.

"Go, go on." The most I could do as trot in the direction of the other medical professionals, but as I closed in on them I dialled it back to a walk to avoid tripping over the lumps of debris.

I negotiated my way around the twisted remains of a motorcycle and tried to ascertain who the most senior person in the vicinity was. And judging by the way this woman, standing in front of me, was shouting at everyone I decided to start with her.

"Who are you?" I guess she's starting with instead.

"I'm a doctor."

"You sure?" She looked me up and down disapprovingly.

"Yes." I wasn't going to show her my ID; that wasn't going to be any help in this situation. "Do you want my help?"

"What help are you offering?"

"I'm a world-class cardiothoracic surgeon." I love saying that.

"Really?" That disapproving look again. Is everyone in Seattle this surly? In a final effort I lifted the flap of my bag up to show proof of my OCD; a medical kit, a habit I picked up over the last few years. "Okay; take him." He stepped forward with group of interns and I followed him off into the unknown.

"I'm Dr. Mostow." We didn't have time for informalities and greetings.

"Dr. Alden." The residents tried to introduce themselves but I waved them off. "What's going on here?"

"Three coaches of school kids collided with a truck."

"Carrying wood by any chance?" I skipped over a splintered log and continued with my temporary colleague. He didn't reply but I caught him looking at me. "Watch out!" He stumbled over a large slice of timber.

Looking embarrassed he picked himself up and we met up with a group of fire fighters. They were stood beside one of the coaches; the other two had flipped and caught on fire and were being dealt with.

"What are we looking at?" I approached a soot covered fire-fighter.

"Two trapped; one minor." They began chattering amongst themselves about how they were getting them out and I risked a broken heel trying to make my own assessment.

"I don't think you'll be getting them out; one of us is going to have to go in." I had seen the state of the patient and they desperately needed to be stabilised.

"Which one?" I felt the others talk a step back when the fire-fighter asked.

"I guess it's me then." And this is the moment I realised that there was not woman here I could swap shoes with. Crap.

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	2. Take Me to Xray

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"Which way are we going?" I had arrived at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital covered in blood.

"Straight on, then left." The paramedic responded.

"Thanks." With my back to everything I needed to know so I didn't slide off the gurney.

"Have you got it under control?" The second paramedic checked on me.

"Yeah, yeah. Just get us there five minutes ago." I had my hands keeping the patients insides in his abdomen, and the only way I could manage this was by straddling him and physically pull his skin over the opening.

I could feel them pull us left and I looked around and I found myself in a trauma room filled with doctors and nurses. They were giving me some very weird looks; either it was the position I was in or that I looked nonchalant doing it. No one seemed to be talking.

"Okay...I would appreciate if someone could take over; I've been like this for twenty minutes." I expected people to jump into action but nothing; the only movement was their heads turning to face whoever was joining the room.

"Poppy?" I turned my head to look over my shoulder.

"Owen?" My right arm was cramping up and my left was aching. "A little help?"

"Move people!" With others taking over Owen helped me off the table.

"Thanks."

"You should have that checked out." With his hands in the cavity he nodded at my painful left arm. I was covered in blood but hadn't realised that some of it was mine; glancing down my forearm I followed the trail of fresh blood to the underside. He was right; I hadn't noticed the shard of glass sticking out of my arm.

"See you later Hunt." I wandered from the room to allow them to continue putting the guy back together. I heard Dr. Mostow filling them in with what happened in the field as I went in search for a suture kit.

"Can I help you?" I looked up at the familiar voice; the same woman who gave me attitude on the highway. "Are you bleeding on my floor?"

"Yes and I'm looking for a suture kit." I looked at the floor around me and at the small pool of my blood circling my seriously scuffed shoes. The toss-up between suede and patent was kind of irrelevant now.

"Let me get an intern for you."

"Oh I don't think so. I want a plastic surgeon. A good one. An attending at least." Her eyebrows rose so fast and determined they looked like they were attached to a machine.

"Let me get one for you."

"Thanks." I got the feeling that I may have made a huge mistake pissing her off. I saw her strut off to page someone for me, mowing down a few nervous interns on the way.

I resisted the urge to have a look at the other injuries floating about in the ER; I found it hard not to jump in and help out but I couldn't risk myself or the patients. But I had to do something while I waited for my plastic surgeon to appear, or arrive, plastic surgeons arrive.

"Bailey; you paged." So that's her name. Above the general hum of the ER and the resetting of a fractured tibia in front of me I recognised the voice calling out. I stuck my head out from behind the drawn curtain and spotted the owner.

"Mark?" Well done Bailey.

"Poppy?" We walked towards each other and embraced for a moment; he held on a little longer than I expected. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you apparently." His confused face was sated when I showed him my arm. "Can you fix me up? I would have taken the glass out but I didn't want to bleed all over the floor." My mouth was intent on pissing this Bailey off; she confirmed this by giving me a chilling look and stalking off.

"You've pissed Bailey off already; nice work." I shoved him gently to chastise him as we walked towards a recently vacated bed.

"I'm guessing that's a bad thing."

"You have no idea." I plonked myself on to the blue sheets and watched Mark as he unwrapped the suture kit. "Since when have you been back?" His face was not showing the arrogance I was used to.

"About a year now; I've been back in New Jersey actually."

"Which hospital?" He snapped on a pair of gloves on.

"Princeton Plainsboro." I made a silent 'ouch' with my mouth as he poked and prodded the area around the glass.

"Ah yes; isn't that the one with the crazy diagnostician?" I winced as he cleaned the wound up a little.

"The one and only." I knew he was going to take me to x-ray because it looked deep and he would want to make sure it wasn't stuck in my ulna.

"I'm going to take you to x-ray." He wrapped the kit up and tucked it under his arm.

"Don't bother; I have minimal pain and full use of my arm and hand. Just yank it out and stitch me up."

"You're not in the desert now Alden; do as you're told." He added a motherly finger wag for effect.

"Okay then Dr Sloan take me to x-ray."

"I told you I was fine." We were both looking over the films in a corridor leading to the ER. "So, what; are we going to stand here all day or are you going to take this lump of glass out of my arm?"

"I miss you telling me what to do." His voice lowered dramatically.

"Oh really?" I think it was wise for me to play dumb at this point.

"Especially when those instructions involve -"

"Sorry...excuse me...Dr Sloan can I use you on a consult?" I really wish she hadn't had interrupted at the point that screamed sexual tension. There was none between us; we had been friends since med school and granted we had the odd fumble in the dark at parties but nothing ever came of it. I was usually the one making small talk with his conquests in the morning; sharing an apartment with him was probably not my best medical decision.

But it did afford me the luxury of our favourite bar being five minutes away; I think I was right at 'not my best medical decision'. I let a nostalgic laugh enter the area which garnered a smirk from Mark and scared look from the skinny blonde that interrupted us.

"I'm busy Dr Grey; can it wait?"

"It's a face laceration on a sixteen year old girl who has demanded to see a plastic surgeon."

"She can wait. My patient is more important." He smiled at me and began the process of extraction and clean up. I watched the blonde weave her way through the bustling ER over Mark's shoulder as he re-unwrapped the suture kit. "Local?"

"I'm more important than a sixteen year old? I'm honoured. And flattered. I'm honoured and flattered. No local." He sat me back down on the same bed as last time and scooted closer to me to brace my arm to ensure a smooth exit. He studied my face intently; probably looking at the scars.

"Ever thought of having a face lift?"

"What! Ouch! Mark!"

"It's better if you don't see it coming."

"By insulting me? Seriously Sloan there are other ways." I swatted his hands away from my body. "Not that way."

"Then how else am I supposed to distract you?" He began with the first stitch.

"Adult – grown up conversation maybe?"

"I can do adult."

"I know you can; I've heard it." He didn't respond and continued to sew up the hole in my arm. "Our walls were paper thin Mark. Paper thin."

"I know they were." He raised an eyebrow and we laughed at the reminiscing, and at ourselves talking about it.

"I hope you're doing a good job down there."

"I've always wanted to hear you say that."

"If I had to say that then we would be having problems." It felt good to know that we could slip back into this conversation so easily.

"All done." He gently wiped the rest of the dried blood off of my arm before applying gauze and bandages.

"Thanks for this Mark." I gathered my belongings up as Mark disposed of the kit in a bio waste bin. I wiped my hands with the remaining tissues and sterile water; I didn't attempt to clean up my jeans but made a half hearted attempt on my shoes.

"So what are you doing so far from home?" Now do I tell him the truth about being heartbroken and stabbed? No. Definitely no.

"Your Chief of Surgery asked me here on a consult; which is where you should be heading."

"Did Derek ask you? When?"

"I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago. I've been on holiday since then. He wanted me for a consult and I couldn't pass up the opportunity."

"You haven't heard."

"Heard what?" I was starting to panic a bit as he pulled me to one side and his face paled. "Mark; what's going on?"

"Derek got shot." Talk about ripping the band-aid off.

"He got what?" My breath caught in my throat as I tried to comprehend the situation. "Is he alright? What happened?" The world outside the two of us stopped.

"He's fine; still recovering. About a week ago we had a shooter walking the halls."

"Oh god; Mark I don't understand." I was hoping he would give me more information than that. "Did you catch him; what happened?" I was trying to comprehend the situation and simultaneously not panic.

"We had to take a patient off of life support and her husband came here looking to seek revenge on those involved."

"Was anyone else shot?" I knew I overstepped the line instantly and tried to make it right. "I'm sorry Mark." I touched his arm lightly. "I just can't believe that happened."

"I know." We hugged again.

I ushered him towards the elevators. "You've got a consult."

"You know a lot of things happen in elevators." I let the doors close on him, with me safely the other side; I didn't want to know what he was on about.


	3. Ice Chips

"Sorry about that." He handed back a couple of charts to an intern and received a clipboard from a nurse.

"Richard Webber?" So he's taken back his position. "I thought you – well it doesn't matter."

"I didn't want to have to return under these circumstances."

"I've heard; I can't believe it." He patted my shoulder. I should be consoling him.

"I know. I know. We're still recovering."

"It'll take time; recovery is long and painful." That's from personal experience.

"How's your patient?" He signed several forms and handed them off. A good time to change the subject.

"I don't know actually; he disappeared before I returned from x-ray." It was then he clocked my bandaged arm.

"I hope we treated you well."

"Sloan patched me up." We walked past a nurses' that station that was positively buzzing with people. And he also thankfully found me a change of clothes; blood stained clothes are not a good look to be wearing around a hospital.

"Do I have a sexual harassment case on my hands?" I had to laugh at that; proof that Mark had not changed since I saw him last. I think I'm going to get a reputation for being nuts.

"Not this time." I managed to squeeze out three coherent words.

"Bailey; where is the patient Dr Alden brought in?"

"Who?"

"The man with the missing abdomen."

"I know who that patient is Chief. Who's Dr Alden?" I stuck my hand out to answer her.

"I am." All I received in return was a raised eyebrow and another disapproving look.

"Bailey, play nice."

"Hunt took him to surgery." I'm guessing Bailey doesn't like me. And I also guessing that everyone else knows this as I could see others standing about looking in on the exchange. Richard thanked her and we moved off, I recognised the blonde from earlier watching us with a small group around her with equally sour faces.

He showed me points of interest around the hospital but I had a feeling that we were heading somewhere specific. Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital is a surgical hospital; it's hardcore with glass and steel. Princeton Plainsboro was small with wooden walls and pastel scrubs.

"How did the merger go?"

"It's been a challenge; we lost a lot of good people." He stopped suddenly. The shooting was so fresh that his brain was still coming to terms with it.

"Richard; I don't know what to say, but I'm here to help in any way possible. I've been to war; I know what it feels like to lose your people."

"Is that how you know Owen Hunt?"

"It is indeed. We were stationed together." He looked thoughtful for a second before opening a door for me.

"Do you know Teddy Altman?"

"Of course; is she here too?" I looked at him to see him nod. "Are you and Derek collecting every surgeon I know?" The door he opened was an OR gallery; they were operating on my eviscerated guy.

"We've almost got a full set. Enjoy." I leant against the gallery glass with one arm and peered down into the slowly closing wound.

"Thanks for this Richard. The addict in me thanks you." I tried to keep the atmosphere light; in this situation you don't need melancholy people bogging you down.

Taking a quick sweep of the gallery I recognised the same group surrounding the blonde from downstairs, still giving me the evils. Maybe this was an omen; I was still smiling when I was thinking about going back to New Jersey; but I can't go back, I know I shouldn't go back. I won't.

I looked back at Richard to find him gone. He needs time to heal his hospital.

After the abdomen guy coded on the table I turned around to try and find Mark again. I wanted to find out what had happened to Derek and why he didn't tell me in the first place. Since Richard had told me what had happened I noticed the twisted faces everyone was wearing; they were full of suspicion and fear, for a hospital to be this quiet was unnatural. There was a whisper of normality about as there has to be in a place like this; but even the patients were looking uncomfortable, more so than usual.

"Hey; are you free?" Mark was finishing stitching up a girl's face; probably the consult from earlier.

"I will be in a minute. What's up?"

"I want to go see Derek."

"I can tell you where his room is." He cut the suture and placed the instruments onto the sterile blue cloth before picking up the gauze and bandages to finish up.

"She's crying." I looked around when his patient said this trying to find out who she was so interested in; she didn't look like the type of sixteen year old who was interested in anyone else.

"Poppy are you alright?" I touched my face and realised she was talking about me. "Avery; finish dressing this." He got up off of the stool and let the other doctor sit down before scooping me up. He put an arm around me and guided me to the elevators. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone; but I had a feeling that as soon as I was inside the elevator I wouldn't be able to hold on any longer.

The doors opened and mercifully it was empty.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"For dragging you along. It's just that I can't see him alone; because when I see him I'm not just going to see Derek. I'm going to see Will. Because if a shooter can roam through a hospital killing doctors; he can walk into a tent in the middle of the desert." I shouldn't have stopped.

"It's fine; I need to see him anyway."

"Are you patronising me?"

"Yeah a little bit." He laughed and I laughed; he never failed to make me feel good. "When did you last speak to him?" I gathered he was talking about Will.

"We email."

"Okay then Miss Pedantic; when did you last email?"

"Last week actually; I can't believe he's still out there."

"He's still out there?"

"I know; he's mad. I want him back Mark."

"We've got you back; he'll follow you." He sounded unsure. I wish he didn't sound so unsure. I followed Mark out of the elevator and found myself looking into a room with one of my closest friends lying in a hospital bed. "There he is."

"There he is." He was awake and chatting to the blonde from earlier. He clocked me watching him through the blinds with Mark by my side. "Hey loser." I greeted him with my usual hello.

"Hey yourself." I walked over to him and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

"What on earth did you do?" I channelled a little bit of Bailey.

"It's not my fault I got shot." I think it's a little bit too soon to be making jokes about being shot. And he knew I was mentally biting my lip. "You could just say it."

"No; it's inappropriate." As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I had opened myself up for a bit of criticism. I received it in the form of a large amount of laughter and mocking.

"Oh and since when being inappropriate stopped you?" Derek sounded like normal; like the hole in his chest was normal. "Either of you." Oh kitty got claws.

"Meow Derek; I come here to help you out and this is how you greet me?" And things felt normal between us.

"I got shot."

"I got stabbed." All three of them looked at me. "I'm fine. Mark stop it." He pulled at my shirt in an attempt to see. "See we're even. Do you still want me?"

"Oh yes; I'm not letting you get away." The blonde looked at me sideways; what's her problem? I was glad Derek was doing well and if it wasn't too selfish I was glad I still had a job.

"Who did your surgery?" I wanted to make sure he had the next best working on him; I wasn't there.

"Dr Christina Yang." I've never heard of her; maybe she's an up and coming.

"Who?"

"She's – she's – she's good. Dr Yang did an excellent job."

"As long as you're sure." The stuttering didn't exactly fill me with confidence. "Where's Addison; shouldn't she be here?" There was a couple of seconds of awkward shuffling and looks before I clocked that Derek wasn't wearing a wedding band. And that there wasn't even a tan line. "How long have you been divorced?" I heard Mark's breathing rapidly increase. "And how were you involved?"

"A few years ago." Mark didn't answer; but Derek did.

"Oh, well that sucks. I liked Addison." Dr Grey was looking more and more uncomfortable. "Are you okay now?"

"I can see working with Dr House has had its desired effect." Derek stuck the knife in a little bit.

"Shut up." He laughed and looked at Dr Grey in an apologetic manner; I think I may be putting my foot in it.

"You can't tell me to shut up; I'm the chief."

"You're not the chief; Richard is."

"Low blow."

"So Mark; I think we need to take Derek out for a few drinks." I'm getting the feeling like Dr Grey and Derek may be involved. "After you've recovered of course."

"I don't think we need to do that." Derek was trying to resist the drinks; I know because he could never keep up with me and Will. Well me and Mark now, I suppose.

"You're married again aren't you?" He looked like he did at the wedding; regardless of the hole in his chest he looked at peace.

"How did you know that?" Both him and the blonde swapped non doctor-patient looks.

"I have skills Derek, which are beyond surgery."

"We know that." Mark blurted out the snide comment.

"Mark!" I swatted his arm. "Derek just tell me; who are you married to."

"Me." Oh crap.

"Oh crap. I'm so sorry. Why did no one say anything?" I hit Mark this time for both of them. "Hi; I'm Dr Poppy Alden."

"Dr Meredith Grey; I've got rounds." Ouch. She flipped a chart closed and walked out of the room.

"Ignore that." Derek looked a bit embarrassed. "She – I – I'm sorry." Mark followed Dr Grey out and left us alone. I sat down next to his legs on the bed; he looked a little be relieved to be taking some time off.

"Derek; why didn't you say something?" We spoke occasionally via email and he never mentioned it. "What happened?"

"We grew apart; but I'm happy now."

"That's all that matters. Derek I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous."

"How jealous?" We've always been competitive.

"Like you wouldn't believe." I patted his legs then looked at mine. "Can I steal some scrubs or something?"

"How about you just go to whatever you're calling a home and relax."

"You're so mean."

"Relax because tomorrow you're going to be back here operating. You need to get to know your team."

"Ice chips?" I put on my best candy striper impression.

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	4. The One and Only

I forked a mouthful of salad into my mouth. "You've got good food here Derek." Richard was acting chief for the acting chief; but Derek asked me here.

"I don't make it myself."

"I know; that's why I gave you the compliment." The table of surgeons laughed, that felt nice. I wasn't technically employed here yet so I could play the friend card instead of risking some sort of disciplinary. Derek had been recovering well and had badgered some poor nurse into letting him out of his room.

"Shame about abdomen guy." Owen dropped his tray of food onto the table and joined us.

"He was lucky to get to the OR." I replied as he sat down.

"What are you doing here?" Was what I could just make out of his sandwich filled mouth.

"I'm here on a consult; or so I'm led to believe." I shot a sideways look at Derek as we were joined by Teddy and Mark.

"A consult on what?" Derek looked bashful. "Not my VIP case Derek, that one's mine."

"Dr Altman; it's merely a consult on a complex case. It's protocol." Maybe I should go around to every single person in this hospital and insult them personally; I could get it over and done with much more efficiently.

"Sorry Teddy, I didn't realise you were involved."

"It's not your fault. Don't worry about it." She got up, her untouched food in hand, and went to leave the outside eating area we were sat in. I knew Owen better; but I knew when her feelings had been massively hurt, I was stepping on her territory.

"Sorry about you and Beth." I heard through the grapevine that they had broken up. "So are you and Teddy finally together?"

"Poppy we're not together; Teddy's not my girlfriend."

"Oh god, I'm sorry. I just assumed." Oh Christ. "So who is the lucky girl?" I tried to keep my voice light.

"I am." My eyes focused on one of the mafia, she was the one who gave me the worst look. I bet she's friends with the blonde. Oh crap. Would she take a surgery as an apology? She looks like she would all intense and that; I hope she does.

"This is Christina Yang." Thanks Owen. I couldn't blame him, but he could have given me a heads up that she was stood behind me. Mark looked positively ecstatic I had talked myself into this situation again; I could so easily wipe the smug grin off his face.

"Nice to meet you Dr Yang." I resisted the urge to shake her hand. "I'm Dr Alden. I hear you're very highly recommended." She looked extremely young to be an attending.

"As in Dr Poppy Alden."

"The one and only." I wish a burst of that song played just then; that would have been awesome.

"It's an honour to meet you." I love it here. And she's so not an attending.


	5. Grandpa

"So what do you think of Seattle?"

"Mark I've been here little over forty eight hours and I've already sustained an injury and been covered in blood."

"Oh." He look disappointed.

"It's great! But I've heard the weather isn't so good."

"It rains. All the time. It'll take a month or so to get used to it."

"Better than snow. It snows a lot in New Jersey and I can't run in the snow. I can run in the rain though."

"You run?"

"I run." He pushed a whiskey in front of me. "Thanks. You remembered."

"Hard to forget a girl that drinks whiskey, neat."

Mark took me to a bar close to the hospital called Joe's. It was a typical bar filled with patrons, but I could tell that they were of the medical persuasion as the usual bar talk was filled with extravagant medical terminology. I liked it.

"So what is going on with you; you looked so shifty when Derek's divorce was mentioned."

"You have to understand that everything is resolved now." I nodded in agreement; this obviously happened a long time ago and it was bad. "I slept with Addison."

"What?" My voice leapt. "You did what?" Those sat around us turned to look at who was causing the commotion.

"Derek caught us in bed together. And then we carried it on when he came to Seattle." We both sat in a moments silence to finish our drinks and so I could process what I have just been told. "Is that all?" I knew there had to be more.

"I also got Addison pregnant." My face slumped into my hands which were resting on the bar. Sometimes I wished that Mark and I didn't tell each other everything.

"Did she – are you?" He shook his head; I'm taking that as a no. "Mark you're killing me. So you've really made up? You're really okay?"

"Yes. Derek forgave me." I gave him a disapproving look. "Honestly."

"Sorry, I just don't know how he could get over something like that." He has a huge heart.

"He had a lot of help."

"From who?" I wonder if it was the blonde?

"Meredith Grey."

"Dr Grey; as in the one I insulted?" This was going to take some serious damage control.

"Yes. They got married on a post-it."

"A post-it?" I ordered another drink; I needed it.

"Now tell me about what you've been up to." People here are excellent at changing the subject.

"Since the last time we talked? You know Will and I sold the practise." We had a practice near Derek and Mark and with our surgical specialities being different we cross consulted on occasions.

"Yes to go to war." He made his feelings clear that he thought we were stupid.

"In a nutshell yes. I came back after six years and went back to New Jersey." I didn't go into too much detail as to why I left.

"How is Plainsboro then?" He played around with the broken peanut shells on the bar.

"The hospital is great; I'm starting a brand new cardiothoracic fellowship from scratch. It's not exactly the Shepard Method, but I'm working on that too."

"So why on earth would you want to leave that?" I twisted my body away from Mark and rested my elbows on the wooden bar again. It might seem like an odd thing to say; but as a surgeon you want to leave something remarkable behind, and devising a programme and a procedure is as good as it gets.

"I needed a break from the people there."

"Anyone in particular?"

"Why do you say that?" I enjoyed the smoky undertones of the whiskey resting on my tongue.

"I know that you can deal with any number of intolerable colleagues; you can't deal with people who irritate you once you're involved. So who is it?" I hate that we tell each other everything.

"He was the one who got me stabbed and gave me the plague."

"I hope you had someone qualified to stitch you up."

"Of course I didn't; only you're qualified for that. But they did a pretty good job." He lifted the edge of my tee shirt up to try and find the scar again. "You know you could just ask."

"That takes all of the fun out of it." I pushed his hands away; my turn to change the subject.

"So Derek's married; what's going on with you?" I noticed out of the corner of my eye that there were a couple of familiar faces eagerly watching our table; Meredith, Yang, a hot guy and a bottle blonde.

"I have a kid."

"Oh my god!" I failed again to keep my voice down; but who could once you've been told that your friend has a child. "They're finally finding you. How old?"

"Nineteen." Whoa.

"Mark, you don't have a kid, you have an adult." I had to lean forward. "You date nineteen year olds." My voice had lowered to a hoarse whisper in an attempt to avoid shouting out again.

"There's something else."

"What, she has a kid?" He didn't answer to confirm; but he didn't have to as the look on his face did it instead. I was dumbstruck and struggled to come up with a coherent sentence.

You're, you're a grandpa!" He nodded happily. "You have a kid that has a kid." I was struggling to keep any manner of control over the volume of my voice.

"I do."

"Well there's nothing else that I can say but, congratulations. Grandpa" I raised my drink at him and took a drink to toast him. We always joked that eventually all the little Sloan's would eventually find him; but I never really thought that it would actually happen.


	6. Runaway

"Do you want the bypass?" Teddy and I were stood in front of the OR schedule to split up the remaining surgeries for the day. We had formed a pretty good team over the last couple of weeks and the cardio department had become a seriously efficient team. I wasn't looking forward to the results of the consult.

"Sure?" I talked between mouthfuls of a huge green apple.

"Yeah; just take Yang off of my hands."

"Is she hard to work with?" I had discovered that she was a third year resident; but with the skills to repair an aorta with a gun at her head. Sounds like my kind of girl.

"She's intense and I can't deal with that at the moment." No Teddy, it's probably because you're still in love with Owen but I'll ignore that.

"Okay; that's at two. Cool, I can go for a run."

"You're still running?" When I was working in New York I ran around Central Park almost every day and I continued running in the desert; which took some getting used to.

"Yes; it's a bit cooler here though so I could probably run further." I grinned; I probably couldn't.

"Show off." She returned to the board and I returned to my apple.

"I've read up on the bypass Dr Altman and I'm fully prepared for surgery." Yang appeared beside Teddy.

"Congratulations Dr Yang; but I'm not doing this surgery, Dr Alden is." She gestured towards me.

"Oh." I hoped she would seem more excited than that.

"Oh I'm sorry Dr Yang do you have something else to do?" Teddy now hand her arms crossed and was looking directly at her.

"No."

"Then may I suggest sounding more enthused about working with my colleague?"

"Okay."

"That's better. She's all yours Poppy."

"Thanks Teddy." Derek had informed me that Yang would do anything for a cardio surgery; but she seemed cool towards me which was a little unnerving, though not altogether unexpected. I checked my watch for the time so I could advise Yang as to what to do next. "Yang; can you begin prepping the patient. I'm going for a run."

"A run?"

"I like to run before surgery; clears my head."

"A run; seriously?"

"Yes." We began to walk in the general direction of the patient. "Want to join me?"

"I don't run."

"Oh, well go deal with the patient. I will see you before the surgery." She turned from me with the patient chart and called out to her residents. I had to smile; Yang was just like my resident, a complete hardass but one I learned so much from.

As Yang turned the corner with her team I went off to find my locker so I could get changed and go. I liked to run as it does clear my head, it gave me time to mentally prepare and run through the entire procedure in my head. It also meant I didn't have to answer endless questions from the patient's family about how big the scar will be or explain that weeks of recovery is normal. That's what the residents are for. And I knew my patient was in good hands.

As I walked through the foyer with my running gear on I heard someone wolf whistle loudly. Instead of putting my headphones on I wrapped the lead around my neck and my ego turned my body around to see Mark walk down the flight of stairs. It couldn't be some other good looking doctor could it?

"Where are you going dressed like that?"

"Do you really need me explain?" He looked down my body; he looked at my jacket half done up and my Lycra three-quarter lengths.

"I was wondering if you had been reading my mind."

"Excuse me?"

"I always had this fantasy about a girl who jogs."

"I run and I'm no girl." He smiled at my comment. "And that was so lame."

"What's under the jacket?" He put an index finger over the zipper and pulled my jacket forward and peered underneath, well he tried to before I slapped his hands away.

"As if I'm going to show you." I raised an eyebrow at him and then left him behind as I jogged off.

I began to get into my usual rhythm using the music to pace myself when I felt another runner pass by me, except he didn't pass and I instantly recognised the back of his head. I yanked the headphones out of my ears.

"Enjoying your run?"

"I was. Are you stalking me?" I was looking forward to a good run but Mark just had to come along. I was a solitary runner.

"No; a run sounded like a good idea." It was a good idea for him; he should be doing it alone though. From what I've heard he needs some alone time.

"Copycat." Oh that was childish.

"Real mature." We ran for about half an hour before we spoke again; I think I instigated the silence as I am not a chatty runner. I was part of a running club back in New York for approximately two and a quarter miles before escaping due to an incessant chatter. From the moment we set off she talked at me constantly about her cat. Apparently it was a very clever cat. I could see Seattle Grace in the near distance.

"I won't talk about cats."

"Ha, okay then. Tell me this Mark; what is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?" I could hear his breath catch in his throat.

"Do you want to slow down Grandpa?"

"No." He shot me a filthy look. "What do you want to know?"

"I've heard things around the hospital."

"What things?" His face was stormy; but I wanted a few answers.

"Addison, Callie, Lexie, Teddy, a kid, a grandkid. Mark, what's going on?" He pulled up and I did the same, we both began walking back. "You alright?"

"Stop asking that." I guess I've been asking him that a lot over the last week and it resulted in both of us walking back to the hospital in silence. I tried to think of something witty and perfect to say to rectify the situation but nothing came to mind.

"Okay; just tell me about Lexie?" Through some detective work I had heard her name mentioned a lot with regards to Mark; I had a feeling she had taken a lot out of him.

"We dated."

"You dated? Is that it; because it looks like a bit more than that?" His eyes were sad.

"It was serious, really serious; I wanted to marry her." He stunned me into silence. "But –"

"You don't need to say anymore." I felt bad for pressuring him.

"But the way she was around Sloan and the baby; I don't know, I wasn't sure if she was committed." Christ; no wonder he's hurting.

We didn't say anything else until we reached the showers and I plucked up the courage to break the silence. "Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing you. You've lost your mojo dude." I got a wry smile. He was going to say something dirty so I considered pre-empting it with a defensive comment, but with the mojo going AWOL I let him have a free one.

He leaned on the wall outside the showers; I could see him brain clicking into gear, the dirty gear. "Well, I've got this idea."

"Oh really?" The showers were unisex but spilt into cubicles, so when I followed him in it didn't look like a booty call. I can't believe we're back to flirting again.

We were alone in the shower room and, I even if it was full I don't think it would have stopped him, he pulled his damp tee shirt over his head and revealed his toned body. The sheer arrogance in his face was to be expected, this is why the women fall for him. His socks and shorts disappeared quickly; another woman might be drooling by now but I've seen this mating dance before.

"Mark, I'm here for you if you want to talk." I flicked the tap to hot and dove under it.


	7. Square One

"How are you getting on with Yang?"

"Fine; you're right she is intense, but she knows her stuff." Teddy scoffed at me, regardless of Owen being settled with Cristina, I still think there are some residual feelings floating about.

"So who's your favourite resident then?" Owen started a conversation we all have at some point.

"What, me?" He was looking at Teddy but I knew he was talking to me. I got used to this type of conversation.

"Yeah, you've got to have one by now." Teddy joined in.

"I guess it's Yang; but Grey has good hands." I had used Grey on a couple of surgeries and she knew her stuff. Yang knew exactly what to at every moment and for every eventuality; but Grey had the ability to sense and feel, she had great instincts.

"That's true, but we all know Shepard feels the same." I could see Derek approach our table and Owen had timed his jibe perfectly. He was fully recovered and had a cool scar to show off now.

"What do I feel?" Derek, tray in hand, sat down and joined the three of us. I was glad of the extra company in this love in.

"Grey's good hands." I spun my body around on the chair to face him while still eating my banana.

"You can't talk about my wife like that." He tried to sound pissed at me but he face betrayed him.

"It's a post-it." I'm so glad Mark let me in on that little gem. Though I instantly regretted the comment; I need to somehow rectify things with Meredith, post-it or not they were totally married.

"We're married; we don't need a ceremony." Whereas before I would have rebuffed him on that; now I could see the change, he's more married to her than he was to Addison.

"So who's your favourite intern, Grey excluded." He opened his mouth to answer but I cut in with what I just realised.

"I have to remain impartial."

"Loser." I said it with a smile in my eyes. "What about you Owen. Yang excluded."

"Karev has potential." He said that so easily, Derek deflected instinctively but Owen hardly paused to think of someone else. Sleep deprivation was making me crazy.

"That he does." Mark had now joined the table and sat next to me.

"I thought you didn't like him?" He tried at every opportunity to avoid letting him scrub in on surgeries.

"He's having an affair with Paeds." That's right Mark take the moral high ground.

"And you find affairs morally abhorrent?" The table laughed loudly above the cafeteria chatter. "Or is it because he's naturally gifted and prefers paeds to breasts?"

"It's so nice to have you back." Derek finally brought the focus back onto me and with the distraction Teddy and Owen left together looking.

"You may be right about them you know."

"Mark would you just shut it." I shoved him as I could see the residents looking from the adjacent table.  
"What?" I wish that his head would exist outside sometimes.

"The residents already hate me; they don't need to hear me gossip about one of them." And one I liked.

"That's true." Mark said what Derek was thinking.

"Okay; I thought I was being paranoid."

"You're not." Mark and Derek chorused like it was common knowledge.

"But I – how do – why?"

"They just don't like you." I was being naive; of course they didn't, I make bad first impressions.

"Thanks Derek; always nice to hear that from a friend."

"Found out the residents don't like you?" Callie from Orthopaedics arrived to sit with us as Derek left citing chiefly things. Or soon to be chiefly things. I hadn't spent that much time with her, but she had a good reputation around the hospital and considering that half the hospital apparently had a problem with me I needed more friends.

"Apparently so." I sunk back into my seat and picked at my pasta salad.

"I know the feeling. Well I used to." Sounds like she's my salvation.

"So tell me; what's going on because I know he won't." I pointed at Mark with my thumb. He left the table too giving me a chance to find out about my position within the hospital.

"They don't like you because you swooped in here and you know Derek and Mark and Teddy and Owen."

"That's it?" My tone was hopeful; I'm sure I could sort that out.

"It's a judgemental place." She knows a lot. "It's the way you act with them, Derek, Owen and Mark especially."

"What?" I was acting like I always had.

"You went to high school right?"

"Of course; but this isn't high school, we're adults and –"

"Shut up and let me speak." She spoke with a knowledgably smile. "It is high school and Meredith and Derek are head cheerleader and quarterback. Yang and Hunt are friends of the power couple. And Mark; well, Meredith's sister used to be with him. You're messing with them; you're best friends with them and they think you're overstepping the mark. They don't know you. They think you're here to steal their men."

"Seriously."

"Seriously. You're an unknown quantity; you arrived and swept the men off their feet."

"Swept?"

"All they do is talk about what you lot used to get up to. I have to say I'm impressed." She laughed which made me relax.

"Are they looking?" She was in the position to see them.

"Of course they are; we're laughing. They're only residents remember."

"They are only residents; I have the power."

"That you do."

"I think I'm going to like you Callie." I sipped my coffee.

"I think I'm going to like you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I had a lot to think about; Callie was right, and I was going to take her advice to heart. I had to stop acting like I was back at med school for one thing; which was going to be hard, I liked being at med school. We all worked extremely hard but we had so much fun; the four of us spent so much time together, but that had to change.

"Can I scrub in with you later?" My head was in clouds so I wasn't really taking notice of who was speaking to me. "You don't have a resident assigned to the aneurysm."

"Oh sorry Meredith; sure you can." I looked at her and seized the moment. "Do you want to grab a coffee?" Thank god for coffee!

"Um." I prayed and prayed she would say yes. "Okay." We walked in an awkward silence until we reached the coffee cart; I paid for both of us in silence and racked my brains for something to say. Why was I so scared all of a sudden? "Thanks for the coffee." God I'm such a wuss.

"No problem." Just do it. "I actually wanted to talk to you." I took an evasive sip to prevent myself from saying something stupid to fill the silence.

"Okay." I think at this point she wished she forgone the coffee invitation.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot." We were heading in no particular direction but found ourselves in the east stairwell; at least this afforded us some privacy. "And I want to rectify it."

"Well; I don't think..." She couldn't finish the sentence because she couldn't; because this time I was right. "Maybe you're right." I couldn't keep the laugh in.

"I know you and your friends don't really like me; or are unsure of me or whatever." I crouched in my scrubs and lent against the wall and saw her try and hide a knowing smirk. "I know I don't make good first impressions." She was still sat opposite me on the stairs.

"You're right there." Addison would have played the diplomat; Meredith is far more direct than she ever was. "Not the best."

"I've been the same for thirty odd years; I think it's time to ask why."

"You want me to tell you why we don't like you?" Now she said it like that it made me seem weirdly pathetic; I wanted to hear bad things about myself, does that still count as narcissism?

"You're married to one of my best friends; Cristina is dating Owen, I've – are you alright?" She was pressing her hand against her stomach.

"I'm fine; too much coffee." She released her hand but her face was flushed. "What were you saying?"

"I want to – are you sure you're okay?" All colour drained from her face and her body lurched forward; my coffee cup went flying as I rushed to catch her, I held her head in my hands. I instinctively took my white coat off and bundled it under her head; her breathing was shallow, I left through the door to get some help. "Get me a gurney!"


	8. A Step in the Right Direction

"What happened?"

"I don't know; she just fainted or collapsed. She passed out." I helped load her onto the gurney; she was still pale and her temperature was soaring. What was going on? "Does she have a history?" We wheeled her into the nearest empty room and began the process of diagnosing. "Well does she?"

The silence wasn't helping. It was a group effort to get her hooked up to the machines and monitors. We had to try a couple of times to read her blood pressure.

I cycled through her symptoms; increased heart rate, decreased blood pressure, increased respiratory rate. Coupled with her high temperature, abdominal pain and flushing. "She's septic. Flood her system with broad spectrum antibiotics." A nurse hung a bag and I started a central line.

I hoped this was a busted appendix. I lifted her scrubs top up to see what I dreaded; an appy scar. Her stats were still floundering; I was not letting her drop further, I had to find out. I was about to page anyone and everyone I could think of but I stopped by a tall male nurse.

"I don't know if this is true." He lowered his head to my ear.

"Spit it out." I was manually pushing the antibiotic through as quickly as possible by squeezing the bag.

"I heard she had a miscarriage."

"Page gyney quickly." She still must have some pregnancy tissue attached. Oh god. I looked at her face as he eyes fluttered open; gyney were reportedly on their way.

"Wha? What's going on?" She screwed up her face as she grabbed at her abdomen again; her hands were shaking.

"Meredith; I need to know." She grabbed my hand tightly.

"I miscarried." She whispered through the pain. I held her hand back and continued to pulse the bag with my other hand. "It happened..." I cut her off.

"Shh; just enjoy the morphine." A syringe was held in front of me. "You need to let go." I switched hands with her as I pushed the painkiller in.

"Derek." She forced his name through gritted teeth.

"I'll call him." In the rush I had forgotten; I scrolled through my phonebook and called his cell. "Derek?"

"Yeah Poppy; what is it?" I could tell he was busy.

"Meredith collapsed." I didn't have time to sugar coat it; I told him where we were, but had to hang up when gyney arrived. I gave her a run down and Meredith was taken straight into surgery before Derek managed to get here.

"Where is she?" He ran in; terrified.

"They've taken her to surgery." I didn't know if he knew; his reaction was to run, I followed. "Derek wait." We reached the OR door; I tried to stop him from seeing his wife on the table, but he pushed past me.

"Dr Shepherd I hope you have a good reason for being in my OR."

"She's my wife!"

"You know the rules." They were prepping Meredith to go under.

"I'm staying with her." He raised his voice. They quickly draped her body.

"Look." She stopped. "I know this is an awful situation but I can't have you in here."

"She'll stay." Derek pushed me forward.

"Get scrubbed in." I went into the scrub room to get a gown and cap.

"Are you sure about this; Cristina should be in there." Anyone else would be better than me.

"It'll take too long; I don't want her to be alone." I tied the cap around my hair as he tied my gown. "Just hold her hand for me." I sat on the stool provided; Derek stayed in the scrub room, I felt his eyes boring through me so I moved the seat around so he could see her face.

"Damn it."

"No, no, no. There will be no damn its; all good."

"It's just a little bleeding." I had never been this stressed in an OR before; I had moments in Iraq when I first went out there, but never this sustained. How Derek wasn't tearing through the door I don't know; we could have done with his control out there.

I kept hold of her hand for the whole procedure and willed nothing but good through the connection; nothing but good could happen in here now. The surgeon didn't say much apart from asking for a range of instruments and that was good; that meant routine. I looked up at Derek to see him practically pressed up against the glass; I tried to convey that the surgery was going well, but he didn't notice his eyes were fixed on Meredith. His eyes were filled with everything a husband's should be.

"We're done here." She emptied her hands of the instruments she was holding. "You can take her to recovery."

"Did it go well?"

"It was routine; good." Derek burst out of the scrub room and followed Meredith out. "That was one of the scariest surgeries I've ever done. The chief's wife? I'm good but that was; well you know." I let her scrub out as I dumped the paper gown into the designated bin.

"I'll go for you if you want." Derek's pager went off. I was checking her chart to monitor the levels of septicaemia; it was leaving her body, thankfully the antibiotics were doing their job.

"It's the board."

"I'm sure they'll understand." I motioned to leave.

"No; I need to go sort this out." He kissed her on the cheek and left; I followed him out leaving Cristina and Lexie in the room with her, this was a time for family.

I found myself at a loose end with a bunch of charting to do; and I don't know what possessed me but I sought out Meredith's room. I expected someone else to be in there; but as I entered the ward I saw her room was empty apart from her resting body. I crept in and settled on the chair across from her bed; I carefully flipped open a chart so I could make my notations.

"Hello?"

"Hey." I put the chart on my chair as I got up. Her pressure was up and her temperature was down; I sighed with relief. "Do you want me to get someone?"

"No; you'll do." She shifted her body to sit up; I pulled the pillows up so she could be a bit more comfortable.

"Are you in any pain?"

"Not really; just normal post-operative discomfort." I checked all of her stats and recorded them. "Am I still alive?"

"Looks like it."

"Disappointed?" I looked shocked by her casual comment; but she was laughing.

"No; could you imagine what Derek would have done to me?"

"I think you would have to worry about Cristina more; I think she could take you."

"I wouldn't bet on it; but I'm sure she would give me a run for my money." I sat back down on the chair; putting the chart onto the pile on the floor. Actually if it was to do with Meredith; Cristina would have me in an instant.

"Did you still want to talk?" I think I may have read their 'looks' wrong.

"Oh no; you have to rest, it doesn't matter." I gathered up the charts from the floor. "I'll go get someone for you."

"Stay; we don't hate you." I was still tempted to leave. "I've said it now; you have to stay."

"Are you sure?" I didn't believe her.

"Well maybe a little bit." Her face cracked a grin.

"Okay; Callie did say something to me and I think she's right." I sat back down again. "She told me that the way I act around Derek, Owen and Mark might not be exactly endearing me to everyone."

"Callie's right."

"I'm sorry; I'm not after them or anything like that."

"I hope not." She folded her arms across her chest.

"Of course not. I've known Derek and Mark since med school; I've always been that way with them. I never meant; I should have thought, I was just so happy to see them." Her grace in this situation was astounding; she cut me down to size with ease, no wonder Derek was head over heels. "They're my family; they're it."

"They're your people." She spoke knowingly.

"I guess so; I don't have much of a family, so I had to pick them up where I could."

"I get that." She is pretty awesome; I couldn't believe I was sat talking to a person who had just gone through what she had just gone through. I couldn't verbalise it; but I had gotten them all wrong, I had to stop being so paranoid. The looks I had perceived to be a slight on me were probably curiosity; I mean if I was in her shoes I would be doing the same.

"I'll let you rest." I got up for the final time; my arms were full of patient charts.

"Thanks." She shifted herself to get comfortable again.

"You don't need to thank me." She really didn't.

"I do; if you weren't there, who knows?"

"If I wasn't such a bitch you would have been with your people." She rested her head back onto the pillow and closed her eyes. No wonder Derek is doing well. I saw Cristina, Lexie and Karev wander back in with lunch trays; they all looked perplexed as to why I was here.


	9. And Where Have You Been?

"So what do you reckon?"

"I'm glad I brought you over for a consult." I was sat in Derek's office admiring the collection of knick knacks he decorated the office with. Lots of ferry boats. Appropriate.

"What are you going to tell Teddy?"

"Let me deal with that; don't say anything to her. Or anyone else for that matter."

"Okay. Enjoying being Chief again?"

"I've wanted this job since I first picked up a scalpel and now I'm not so sure. I do enjoy it; I do, but since Mr Clark."

I nodded. "Does Meredith know how you feel?" I could tell he was feeling apprehensive about being in the same position that got him shot.

"No. And it will stay that way."

"Of course Derek; but you will have to tell her. This is too huge to keep to yourself." I leaned back into the chair facing his desk and behind Derek stood Meredith and Christina on the catwalk. "She's a good person to talk to."

"I know; but I don't need to right now."

"Make sure you do though." He handed me the file back signalling the end of our meeting. "Why are they staring?"

"Christina and Meredith?"

"Yes; how did you know?" His trademark laugh flowed out of his office as I left.

"Just ignore them."

"You want me to ignore your wife and her best friend? You might operate on brains, but a shrink you are not."

"Don't tell them I said that."

"Don't worry I have my own plan. I'll take my advice elsewhere."

I walked down the bridge, past them and heard a few whispers as I went. I knew Callie was right now and the brief talk I had with Meredith was good; but I can't expect miracles. I was lucky with Addison because we were friends before she started dating Derek. But this is high school with scalpels and I had to do something.

Though saying that I never dealt with it at high school; Will and I were the weird ones at your school who faded into the background and were never noticed. We liked it that way, it's not like we didn't have anyone else, we were friends with the rest of the nobodies in the biology and chemistry club. We were officially science geeks and I guess that lead to us being here. Well me here and him in Iraq.

I took my phone out of my pocket so I could send an email to Will; I kept getting the occasional message from him but they were getting shorter and shorter and less frequent. But it wasn't exactly my place to get angry with him; he was in the worst place and trying to survive so keeping in contact with me was not on the top of his priority list.

I leant on the shiny chrome tube lining the bridge and commenced writing an email to Will. I was tempted to tell him about what was going on here; but he didn't need to hear how I was feeling. And the last thing you need to hear in a war is that someone else needs you; that your best friend is pulling on your last thread of sanity. I'm not going to be that person.

As I write for the hundredth time in my hundredth email that I'm proud of him for staying and that I'm sorry for leaving I hear a voice. I hear a voice that I only hear over a static filled international line. I know if I turn around that I'm either going to see who I want it to be or proof that I'm completely losing my mind. With my hand still grasping my phone I test my ludicrous theory and call him. I hope that the call will be interrupting a surgery and I will be told off by a very gruff and annoyed voice.

Instantly I know I'm interrupting a conversation going on behind me. A few metres over my shoulder he puts the phone down on me. I hear him dismiss the call as nothing and continue to talk about the holiday he's just returned from. I realise then that my best friend has been lying to me for god knows how many months; but in the same breath I'm relieved he's alive and in one piece. I hear the conversation finish and then I hear Derek's voice break in and hurry him off. He knew. Of course he knew.

I make myself turn around; I do this as he turns away so all I see is the back of his head as he walks beside Derek. And now he has acquired a limp. So maybe not all in one piece.


	10. One Fight, One Inapproprite Kiss Please

"When were you going to tell me?" My voice was cracking under the pressure of what was running through my head.

"I was going to tell you, of course I was Poppy. I didn't know how to."

"You just do, you just tell me that my best friend was back from war. You just do." He grabbed my arm and dragged me into an exam room.

"I didn't want to have to tell you."

"Then why did you bring me here? Why drag me across the country without telling me?"

"I didn't exactly drag you here Poppy." The rage in the back of my throat was burning and I was struggling to think of what else to say without bursting into tears; but I couldn't let him get away with this.

"Then what am I supposed to do? He didn't tell me that he had returned; he was still sending me emails from Iraq."

"I can't answer those questions for you; you need to ask him." He's only right about that; he was wrong about everything else.

"Where is he?"

"I can page him."

"No, just tell me where he is."

"He should be prepping for surgery with Dr Karev." I slammed the door on Derek as I exited the exam room; he deserved to have it slammed on him. Who does that to a friend? I literally stomped off in the direction of the rank of ORs in the hope of finding Will not already scrubbed in. I ignored requests of help from attendings and residents on the way because I needed this to be sorted out so I could breathe.

"Dr Alden; I need a consult on my patient."

"Not now Dr Bailey." I was going to regret that.

I diverted my route so I could pass the OR board and pinpoint his location. Mark and Teddy were occupying the space in front of the schedule so I had to muster some sort of normality on my face so no questions could be asked. I discovered he was in OR two and left quickly, even though my face looked normal the thought of talking to anyone else right now made me feel sick. Although not as sick as I felt about talking to Will. My anger was wearing off and it had been replaced with sickness and fear instead.

Regardless of the fear chasing around my body I marched on to OR two still hoping that I could catch Will before he began the surgery. Stood outside the swing door I tried to stop the imminent hyperventilation brewing in my chest so I could walk in with purpose and full of confidence. I gave myself thirty seconds before pushing open the door.

"Dr Karev leave." Will clocked me before I had a chance to say anything.

"I haven't finished scrubbing in." Karev sounded annoyed at the request from Will.

"Leave, now." His voice rose quickly; which amplified the fact I had nothing to say when Karev left. We stood in an angry, loud silence where I was unsure if what he said was in fact really meant for me. "What?" He's pissed at me?

"What do you mean what?" I was instantly thankful that my tongue connected with the furious part of my brain.

"What are you doing here?" He turned the tap off and turned from the sink to face me; his face was so twisted with hate and loathing for me he almost didn't look like my best friend.

"Excuse me? What am I doing here? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Iraq. What are you doing here?"

"I came back. Just following your lead. Only six months later." I deserved that.

"You've been back for six months?" My voice was at the limit of its volume now and I could see the scrub nurses in the OR looking at us. "You've been back in this country and safe for six months and you couldn't, just once, let me know?"

"I wasn't obligated to inform you." Why was he being so cold? He dismissed me with his eyes and physically left the conversation.

"Yes you were. We have lived our lives together for decades. Actual decades. I deserved to know."

"You deserve nothing." He pointed his index finger at me violently. "Leave my OR." He waved me off with contempt.

"Excuse me?" I literally couldn't believe he was speaking to me like this, after all these years we never argued like this about anything, we ran a business together and went to war and never argued like this.

"Leave. Leave now." I would have stayed if I could have thought of something constructive to say but nothing came to mind so I had to go. I pushed through the door I entered and came face to face with several people, most of whom I knew, all of whom I work with. I hoped my face looked good and that I didn't look like I had the worst argument ever with the person I trusted the most.

I found myself leaning against the back wall of an elevator trying to let go of the breath trapped in my chest. It was all I could do not to pathetically burst into tears in front of the hospital staff. As the doors closed on me I let the breath out, it crashed out of my chest accompanied with tears and sobbing.

I tried to regulate my breathing on my own but it was quickly descending into hyperventilation. I couldn't catch my breath. And it was making my panic. And the panic was making me lose control. And then the tears. I could feel them fall down my face. A barely audible sob fell out of my throat. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder.

"I thought you knew." I was thankful it wasn't Derek because I knew I couldn't be civil to him right now. I turned around to see Mark standing there. Eyes verging on the sympathetic and caring.

"Don't look at me."

"How can I not look at you?" His voice was so soft.

"Don't." I could barely speak. I could barely breathe. He opened his arms for me to fall into and I did, hard. His arms wound around me pulling me close against his body; his warmth seeped though me and I tucked my head into his neck.

And then we ruined it. I think it was actually my fault. Along with everything else.

My lips responded instantly when his touched mine. In this moment I needed this, I needed this closeness and intimacy. He gently pushed my body up against the elevator wall; his hands ran the length of my torso ending up tangled in my hair.

The tears subsided from the pressure of his body against mine. But we were still kissing, after the hysteria subsided we were still kissing and he was still pushing his body against mine. We've been here before in dark corners in poorly lit bars but never like this; it never felt like this before, never sober. This has to stop.

My hands stopped feeling out his toned shoulders and my arms ceased holding onto him; but my lips were struggling to disengage. I had to peel them off unwillingly. Why was I feeling this way? It had to be the fight.

"Derek said he was going to tell you." I didn't want to hear him talk. Especially when he was touching my face. "I just assumed he did it before he got back." I wanted him to stop talking but my mouth couldn't form the words I wanted to say. "I wanted to tell you."

I didn't realise that he had stopped the elevator for me. It was only when he started it again that I realised his kind gesture. "Mark; what we did." This was bad.

"It was a hot kiss. Just leave it as that." We both leant on the back wall; I rested my head on his shoulder as we reached the ground floor.


	11. Avoidance

"I wouldn't bother; she's not talking to any of us." Our usual lunchtime crowd had congregated in the vast chasm between Derek and me.

"Tell him that I'm not talking to him." I aimed it at Derek but I didn't want to break my vow of silence. He may be the Chief and all but he brought me here under false pretences and I didn't want to speak to him.

"Oh it's going to be like this now is it?"

"Tell Dr Shepard that since he neglected to inform me that my best friend was back from Iraq I will be neglecting to tell him that I'm handing my notice in." I left the table in time to avoid seeing Mark. I had managed it for the last few days and I was considering doing it until I left. I spent the last couple of days avoiding Mark, Derek and Will and the extra energy that was taking was killing me. Scheduling surgeries so I didn't clash with general, neuro or plastics was near impossible. The sensible idea was to go back to New Jersey and back to the guy that broke my heart.

"What is going on with you this week?"

"What do you mean?" Callie had found me loitering around a stairwell.

"You're avoiding Mark, you're ignoring the Chief and you had the biggest fight with Chase I've ever seen two people have. And I know big fights." I really like Callie.

"It's complicated." I didn't really want to be explaining my horrible mess of a life to anyone.

"Try me; who else do you have to speak to?" She's so right. "I know I'm right; just spill it. I won't tell anyone."

"I'm avoiding Mark because we kissed in the elevator. I'm ignoring Derek because he brought me here without telling me that Chase was here. And the fight with him was because he didn't tell me that for the last six months he has been safe."

"Mark?"

"We go way back. We all do." She sat on the steps as I continued to pace about.

"Really?" Callie's face was disbelieving.

"I went to high school with Chase and we met Mark and Derek in med school in New York."

"So you and Mark were an item?"

"Oh god no. We lived together. I used to make pancakes for his one night stands. We've never slept together."

"You must be the only one."

"You have?"

"Far too many times to count."

"Oh Dr Torres; you are a bad girl." We laughed over our mutual Markness.

"I have known you for a couple of months now and you don't seem like the kind of girl to give up and ship out."

"All of my friends lied to me this week. All of them. Every single one. A conspiracy."

"Could it be that they were trying to be protective?"

"How is keeping this from me protective?" As I said it I realised that, again, it wasn't about me.

"Who said they were protecting you? I'm guessing that you've not spoken to Chase properly."

"No; why?"

"I think you should make the effort. He's been through a tough time and he's going to need a friend. One that doesn't quit." She got up and off of the step and left me alone in the stairwell. I think I'm falling a little bit in love with her.

All alone again. I put my head into my hands and tried to conjure up a plan to somehow get Will into the same room as me. I was going to have to pull off a monumental feat of manipulation to get that to happen; it would also have to involve talking to both Derek and Mark. I'll start with Derek before I go into my carefully scheduled surgery.


	12. Recycling

"You've been avoiding me." The elevator doors opened.

"Mark, oh, I haven't." I'm a bad liar.

"You have and you can't deny it." My mouth opened to try to deny it but closed moments later once I admitted defeat. He cornered me in the exact same elevator we kissed in over a week ago.

"I've been busy."

"Are you still leaving?"

"No, I spoke to Derek." I tried to stay as far away from him as I possibly could in an elevator. "I was being petulant."

"Are you going to avoid me anymore?"

"I wasn't avoiding you."

"You were. Ever since we kissed last week you haven't looked me in the eye since."

"You kissed me. And even though it was hot; it meant –"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, nothing." I'm so glad he spoke first.

"Good, so now we've got that sorted can you stop avoiding me?"

"Fine." The elevator door opened and we both walked onto the surgical floor.

"Meet me at Joe's tonight for a drink."

"Okay." I had to smile and enjoy this; fixing me and Chase was not going to be as easy as this was. Why did my stomach flip when he smiled back at me? Stop it, I can't feel like this about him.

"I have to ask this because I need to know and because I have this feeling that you just curl up on a park bench or in an alley. But where do you sleep?" I met with Mark in the end at Joe's after spending the rest of the day psychotically obsessing over Chase.

"Where do I sleep? I sleep in a bed. In The Archfield." I was falling in love with Joe's; it was filled with all manner people from the hospital and the atmosphere was simultaneously lively and calming. It was nice to sit in somewhere other than a hospital and not have to explain why saving lives was sometimes the last thing you wanted to talk about.

"You can't stay there anymore." He paid for the drinks and we sat in a corner, a dark corner away from everyone else.

"Says who?"

"Me. I know what it's like to live in a hotel and it's lonely and I know you're a lonely girl – woman – person." I knocked back my drink in one mouthful. "You shouldn't be lonely." He snaked an arm around me and pulled me into his body, my head found his shoulder and I let the whiskey fuzz numb my brain and let the psychosis cease.

"So what do you suggest? Shall I follow your example and sleep with a string of nameless men?

"Following my lead would be sleeping with women; and I would support you in that decision. I have some names –"

"I'll stick to men thank you very much." I lifted my head off of his shoulder as he delved into what must be the Mark Sloan box of dirty.

"What I was going to suggest was that you should move in with me." He lifted his mid out of the gutter for a moment.

"Seriously?"

"Why not? We've done it before."

"That's not a reason to do it again." Like so many things in life.

"Do you want to live off room service and housekeeping forever? Forget that; I remember how good it was." He laughed as he returned to the bar to buy more drinks and when he returned and handed me mine.

"So can I live there now?" I like housekeeping and room service.

"No; you still need to move in with me. And I'll cook you breakfast." Wow this could be a good deal.

"Every day?"

"Tomorrow. And your birthday." I should have known.

"And in two weeks."

"Why in two weeks?"

"Because it'll be about then when I'm going to freak out about living with you and think I'm back in med school."

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a yes." He clinked my glass in a cheesy congratulatory gesture. "You're so lame."

"What do you two look so happy about?"

"She is moving in with me." Mark finished his drink and put the empty glass onto the wooden table.

"Seriously?"

"Derek; we've all lived together before." Oh this is going to turn into a huge mistake. The first time was good for all of us; the four of us lived in an apartment next to a bar. And it worked, we worked together well and the four of us were the ones to beat in our year. Mark and I gained the reputation as the party duo, and Derek and Will were the geeks. We worked well together.

"I know; just don't start staying out all night and dropping class."

"Yes Chief." I added a mock salute. "Don't punish me for that."

Mark's lips crept up to my ear. "We could always tell people about Derek's lung thing." He spoke loud enough so Derek could hear.

"We could." I think I'm going to enjoy living with him; I think it's going to fun. Or a disaster.

"I won't punish you." His face always gets flushed when that gets mentioned.

"Punish who?" And that would be Meredith.

"It's nothing." That was the last thing I wanted Derek to say.

"Doesn't sound like nothing." I could see Karev and Yang in the background; I got the feeling that they were staging an intervention.

"Mark and I were joking about something that happened in med school."

"That's enough Poppy." He voice sounded harsh but his face was smiling and coupled with me and Mark laughing, my attempt at openness sounded like a private joke.

"Derek told me a few med school stories." I dreaded to think what he'd told her.

"I can imagine; and just like med school I will be living with Mark again." I decided to share the focus with someone else.

"You're going to live with Mark?"

"I am." I couldn't read her face at all and the flicker of thought that publically surfaced was indeterminable.

"Good luck with that." I had to burst out laughing; she knew Mark. And thankfully she joined in which triggered Mark and Derek to follow suit.

"Thanks." Hopefully that was a start; she made Derek happy and I was no determined to get to know her.

Both of them joined us at the table and we talked like adults sharing the same profession and somehow I felt like I finally fitted in. We talked like adults, we laughed and joked together and drank a little too much together; and somehow ended up being invited around to their house. The last dinner party I had that involved Derek also involved Addison. But now it's Derek and Meredith. Hopefully it would be a bit more relaxed.


	13. The Grinch

"Okay you have far far too many clothes. I need some more closet space."

"You need to speak to Will."

"Clamp. We are not having this conversation." I was trying to repair a guy's aorta and I was being quizzed about my personal life. Derek had seemingly forgotten about getting Will into the same room as me and I was glad. I don't think I can cope with it right now.

"But you will have to speak to him; it's been weeks and you two have not even looked at each other."

"We haven't needed to."

"You sort of have to now."

"What; why?" I took some lat pads off of my scrub nurse and packed the surgical field to stop the new bleed.

"Because he's scrubbing in right now to continue saving this guy's life." I almost didn't hear him as I asked for suction from my resident the youngest Grey.

I caught the bleeder and continued to piece back together his dissected aorta. "See this Grey; you've always got to double check with this sort of injury. You have to check for floating shrapnel."

"That's right Dr Grey; you have to make sure there isn't anything else in there that can cause irreparable, lasting damage." The spite in his voice made sure there was no doubt about who the advice was aimed at.

"Thank you Dr Chase." I think we were going to passively aggressively communicate through poor poor Lexie Grey.

"So Dr Grey have you picked a speciality yet?"

"I'm toying with plastics or neuro."

"What about general surgery?" Will's voice was direct.

"Oh – um – it's not like I don't like general –"

"Everybody needs a general surgeon in their life; every other surgeon needs a general surgeon. We clear up after everyone else."

"General surgeons are cleaners?" Oh Lexie think before speaking.

"No! We have a wide set of expertise, we're wanted and needed all the time."

"Dr Grey; suction." She cleared the field for me from a little expected bleeding. "How about cardio? The heart is everything; we all have one."

"Dr Grey we also all have stomachs, bowels and intestines."

"But we can't exist without the heart; it's the sum of our being."

"But some of us are born without one; you can't fix that." For the first time our eyes met with burning hate. Lexie had made the smart decision to recede into the background for the time being and just be the help. "You were born without one."

"That may be but here I am fixing this man's broken heart. I do that all day up and down these halls. I can replace hearts and I can stop and start them if I want. I am a cardio god."

"Shame you can't replace yours with one a few sizes bigger."

"That's enough. I can't stand this anymore. What's your problem? Is it because I left you in Iraq because I was struggling to cope, because I got discharged on medical grounds? Is that it? Because, if it is, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to wake up every day and see children being shot. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to piece them back together and send them back out there with a gun in their hand to fight." I wish I had saved my big speech until I was further along in the surgery because I couldn't leave and not hear his reaction or see everyone in the gallery witnessing my mental explosion.

"No that is not it." His voice lowered. "It's because when my leg got blasted off and I was lying in the desert dying my best friend was not there to help me through it. She wasn't there to make my medical decisions. She wasn't there saving my life. You left me to die out there. You left me."

The room was stunned into silence and I was using every muscle in my body to stand upright and not drop the instruments keeping this patient alive into his heart. He exposed everything about us in a minute to the whole hospital and most of what he exposed was new to me too. It explained the limp; I had hoped it was some sort of extended sports injury. I had to fight to keep operating on the patient until my part was done.

Will was wrist deep in the patient's abdomen trying to fix his lower intestines and we were still in silence but I needed him to listen to me because this man was in V-Fib and I needed to shock his heart.

"Clear." Will was still inside the patient. "I said clear." I had the charged internal paddles in my hands ready to go and he wouldn't listen. "Dr Chase, clear." He kept ignoring me. "Will, do you want me to kill this patient? Get your hands out of his abdomen now!"

After what seemed like the longest minute of my life he extracted his hands and allowed me to defibrillate the heart back into sinus rhythm. The OR looked on expectedly and the gallery peered in; he had committed a cardinal sin.

"I'm out." He got his resident to close up as he ripped off his gown and latex gloves. "I'm out." Without the luxury of a resident I had to close up on my own but I had pretty much finished the repair and was waiting for the graft to hold.

"See this Dr Grey." She craned her neck to look at the aortic graft. "This is why I do cardio."

"A beating heart."

"A healthy beating heart that will now continue to beat for many more years."

"That's cool."

"It's very cool." I put the that suture in and left the OR in a much calmer manner compared to Will, although he did had a perfectly valid reason.

I stood in the scrub room again trying to catch my breath; I leant on the edge of the stainless steel sink trying to regain some strength. And it was hard to do because I could smell him, his aftershave had lingered after him, and that smell was home for me. That scent could calm me but this time it was making me miss everything we had together, I wanted it to leave my nose alone and get the hell out of my head. But it wouldn't and all it did was make tears run down my face.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Dr Grey, just scrub out."

I finished before her with the intention of going to get a cup of coffee and hiding out somewhere until my next surgery. But my day wasn't going to go that way; my day today was going to be crap filled.

"Mark, I don't need a lecture."

"I'm here to apologise."

"Why what have you done? Have you left a friend to die recently?"

"No."

I fell under the weight of the situation and sat ungracefully on the floor; I didn't feel sorry for myself at all. I felt sorry for Will as he thought he couldn't call me or tell me what he had been going through alone. I couldn't do it alone.

"Mark it's not your fault about not telling me." He sat down next to me on the floor outside the scrub room. "But it is your fault for risking a patient's life because you forced us together unnecessarily."

"It was Derek's idea too."

"What a surprise."

"We had to do something; you're Poppy and Will, you have to speak. You have to leave the apartment sometimes as well; you can't just be the girl in my flat who makes waffles for the girls I sleep with."

"Pancakes, I make pancakes for them."

"Exactly; you're a world class surgeon not a chef." He kissed the top of my head and got up, dragging me up with him.

"But they're good pancakes."

"They're great, but you're making the girls come back." With a reassuring arm around my shoulder he pulled me back to the real world.


	14. Pancake

I had to get up early again because staying in bed was counterproductive and useless due to Mark have extremely loud and energetic sex next door. And I was jealous, not of the girl having sex with Mark but the sex itself. I missed the shared intimacy with one other person; just one. But as I don't have that at the moment I resigned myself to discovering a pioneering new surgical technique I might as well put my extra time to good use before I make more pancakes.

The research was going well and I was making progress but like everything else in my life at the moment, when the going got good everything grinded to a halt. The knocking on the door interrupted my flow and I was tempted to ignore it but I didn't need Mark walking out here draped in a towel asking me to answer the door. And the last thing I need to see now is Mark half naked and sweaty from hot dirty sex.

"Apparently you make excellent pancakes." What is it with these pancakes?

"I do?" The pancake thing was second to the fact that Will was standing at the door.

"The nurses seem enamoured with them. I think that's why they're sleeping with Mark again."

"I'm flipping pancakes in a whorehouse." There was a tiny smile on his face; if you didn't know him you would miss it but I know him and I saw it.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah sure." I opened the door wider so he could walk in. Why was he here?

"I'm here because we need to talk and I can't do it in the hospital, since everyone there knows our business and I can't have them looking at us like a Greek tragedy anymore." It had been about a good couple of weeks since our display in the OR; and he was right, I know I kept getting inquisitive looks.

He stood beside the couch and made no attempt to sit down; I guess this is something that needs to be said standing up. I opened my mouth to speak but he cut in to say he piece; he so had that right.

"You did leave me and you hurt me. And I knew you had to go because it was too much to handle. But when that bomb went off and I was lying on the ground with my left leg six feet away from me, all I could think about was how you weren't there." He turned from me as his voice rose again. "I didn't want you to be hurt, but I wanted you to hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be okay and that I wasn't going to die."

"But I wasn't there."

"No; and I couldn't call you or email you to let you know. And when I got to PT I wanted you to kick my ass when I was lazy and tell me which prosthetic to go for."

"You know I would have been there if I knew."

"I know that now; but at the time I didn't. I was in pain; too much to think clearly."

"I'm sorry." I didn't need to hear him say it so I closed the considerably gap between us and hugged him hard. I didn't want to let go of him now. Not now I have him back.

We didn't have anything to else to say so I made pancakes; I had thought about that word so many times that it didn't even sound like a real word anymore. Pancakes. I grabbed the large ceramic mixing bowl from the cupboard along with the sieve and wooden spoon. And after fishing out the ingredients I put them in methodically and whisked them together to form the thick batter I needed.

"You know." I turned around to look at Will staring at me. "You'd make a pretty good housewife."

"Will!"

"Apart from the ego of course." I flicked a spoonful of batter at him for his inappropriate comments. "And the attitude."

He dunked his hand into the bowl and lobbed a handful of the creamy beige liquid at me; and it went everywhere, all over me, the counter, the wall and the floor. I had to retaliate in kind and so I used both of my hands to scoop up some more batter and threw it at him square in the face. We fought over the last of the batter in the bowl like school children flinging it all over the apartment, and then we got caught.

"What are you two doing?" We stopped in our tracks both of us with hands on the bowl covered head to toe in pancake batter. "Look at my apartment!"

The only reaction we had was to laugh at him; we both laughed together at Mark being worried about the state of his apartment and then we laughed at the state of the apartment and each other. A quick glance into the bowl showed there to be about a handful left, and as I looked up at Will I could see he had the exact same thought. My hand slowly scooped up the last of the liquid and as Mark spun around to return to whoever was in his bed the handful hit his back.

"What's going on?" All three of spun around to be faced with Callie Torres and Christina Yang in chorus. My hand also happened to splatter them as well.

"Poppy and Will are what's happened." Mark was wiping the batter off of his back with his bed sheet. "I think I preferred it when you two were not speaking." We laughed again and then there were more voices.

"Dr Sloan?" That was definitely from his bedroom.

"Come back." That was definitely a second voice from the bedroom.

"Mark; are there two women back there?" Will and I skidded my way over the batter covered wooden floors so we could make an obvious attempt at discovering what treats Mark had in his bed.

"Both of you stop it." He pushed both of us back into the living room; all I got to see was a single bare leg so there was no chance of gossiping. "Now can you all leave so I can finish this?"

I heard the door close behind me and I knew Yang and Torres had left to leave me and Will to clean up this mess. I looked around the apartment and at the mess we had caused in such a small place; it looked like our relationship, normal on the outside but inside was a gloopy sticky mess that only we could clean up.

"I'm not cleaning this up; you started it." Will played the petulant child.

"I'm not clearing it up; I flicked a spoonful at you, you threw a handful, you instigated the huge mess."

"I'll make another batch and pour it over your head." I'd like to see him try.

"Will, you can't even boil an egg."

"Well I'm not cleaning this up." I used the internet on my phone and found a twenty four hour cleaning service; and after a very brief phone call and several promises of tips they arrived within the hour, and sorted the place out. I had just placed an overly large amount of money into the cleaner's hand when Mark and the nurses surfaced.

"Alice." He's targeting my scrub nurses. "Susan. Good morning."

"Good morning Dr Alden."

"Oh, I think we're past that now. Call me Poppy."

"Dr Chase, good morning."

"Good morning ladies." That is one serious walk of shame. They even had the audacity to look around the kitchen for evidence of morning treats.

"The kitchen is closed." I warned them off and watched their faces flush as they scuttled out of the door still getting changed.

"Mark; I asked you to steer clear of my nurses, I don't want to think about them naked and writhing about in my apartment when I ask them for a ten blade."

"Okay; no more, but only if you tell me more about the writhing." I slapped him on the arm as he went to the shower, we both neglected to tell him that we had used all of the hot water up.

We left Mark to figure that one out on his own as we walked to the hospital grounds. The weather was unseasonably nice today; maybe the gods were looking down on us. "Are we okay?" Will asked the very question I was gearing myself up to ask him.

"I think we're going to get there." I patted his shoulder gently and continued through the entrance doors. For the first time in months I felt I could breathe in these four walls again.

"You've both made excellent progress separately; but as we've discussed, the root of your most recent issues are each other. You need to talk."

I had clocked some serious time with head of psychiatry over the last few months; and some weeks it felt I spent more time with Dr Wyatt than I did in surgery. We talked endlessly about my crappy childhood, school, med school, Iraq, Chase and even House. I laid it all down for her; I spilled my guts, so nothing was a secret in this room.

"I need for you both to speak to each other because I've reached the limit as to what I can do for you individually." It had been several weeks since the batter.

We sat in silence facing Dr Wyatt's lined face unable to look at each other and say what needed to be said. We yelled at each other a while ago and since then we shared pleasantries and were civil.

"We're pancake batter."

"Excuse me Poppy?" Wyatt had struggled with the shorthand I kept slotting into conversation.

"We are pancake batter in the apartment." Will made it a bit harder for Wyatt to understand.

"I want to clear it up; I just want to be a pancake. I want to be a whole person again with all of my friends talking to me and a normal job with sane people. I don't want to get the plague or be stabbed again."

"You got stabbed?" He shifted himself to face me.

"You lost your leg; mine is insignificant."

"Mine was an accident. Who stabbed you?"

"It was, um, a doctor. It was a doctor at the last hospital I was at. In New Jersey. He was drunk or high, and I tried to restrain him and he grabbed a scalpel."

"Which doctor? Did you press charges?"

"I didn't report it; I just left instead, I came here."

"Who?" His voice was firm. "Who?"

"Dr Greg House."

"You worked with him? Oh I bet that was cool."

"It was cool until the plague and the heartache and the ten blade stuck in my chest. He stabbed me with my favourite scalpel."

"Heartache?" He dropped his voice to a barely audible whisper. "You and Dr House?"

"Shut up." I tilted my head towards Wyatt.

"That is something you can talk about out there." I'm glad she took the hint; we've already talked about it at length and I'm sure she's sick of hearing about it.

"What the hell happened to your leg?"

"I was out with a unit and we were caught out by a suicide bomber." My hands leapt to cover my mouth as I wasn't sure what was going to come out of it. It was our biggest fear out there and it happened to him. "I was lucky and was sheltered before it went off; everyone else died."

In that moment nothing else mattered apart from him. I leant over the mismatched cushions and wrapped my arms around him and held on to him tightly. And when I felt his arms reciprocate I felt whole and I relaxed for the first time since I returned from Iraq which created a huge outpouring of emotion. I don't do big emotional displays like this. Correction, I didn't; it seems to happen all of the time in Seattle.

"Now this is progress." We untangled ourselves from each other and sat up for the conclusion. "I want you to continue this line of communication; spend time together and time apart. You need your own lives; you need to ultimately be able to exist without each other."


	15. The Littlest Grey

"You and Dr House?" Will and I were taking a well earned break from the day by grabbing a coffee from the place across the street.

"Yes; I know, I was stupid. You don't realise how stupid I was. But at the time; it just felt right." I popped the lid off of the cup and blew into it in an attempt to cool the liquid down.

"Yeah; but still." He scoffed at me as we occupied a wooden bench in the sun. "He's a nutcase."

"I know." I was wearing my scrubs so I had to pull my top up to show him the scar he left. "There's the proof." It was about two inches long just underneath my collar bone.

"If I ever meet him." Oh god I hope they don't, because as soon as House knew Will's last name was Chase questions would be asked. And then I would be in another load of hot water. I couldn't bring myself to tell Will that I had become friendly with his estranged brother Robert.

"Let's hope you don't." I replaced my top over my thermal vest; I don't like to be cold, and tested the temperature of my coffee again. Will put his cup on to the bench and began to roll up his scrubs on his left leg. He was finally comfortable enough to show me his prosthetic.

"You know when you see this; it's real, I've actually gone and lost my leg." He took a breath and brought the trouser leg over his knee. It took me a few seconds to focus in on what I was supposed to looking at. I could see the scaring just below his knee where the amputation occurred; that meant a lot of shrapnel.

"Well you didn't lose your whole leg; come on, it's below the knee." All I could do was made a joke; that's how we worked

"Do you want to see me take it off?"

"Shouldn't you have your girlfriend here to do that?" I had heard some rumour about Lexie Grey and a call room.

"Which one?"

"Oh you player. Spill it Chase." I finished my much needed espresso and binned the cup. "I heard a rumour about you and the littlest Grey."

"Her name is Lexie."

"Oh Will what have you done?" I chuckled at his defensiveness. I watched him get up; putting most of his weight on his right leg until he as standing. "What are you going to do; run away from me?"

"Can't; wearing the wrong attachment." I joined him as we walked back into the hospital. "Me and Lexie have an arrangement."

"No no no Will. You can't do that, that's Meredith Greys' sister, and Derek's sister-in-law."

"It's a post-it."

"I know. But seriously about Lexie; are you both messing about?" He looked shifty before answering; either because he was messing about at his age or it was serious.

"I don't know; we're taking it slow." We were inside the hospital now which amplified my exclamation.

"Oh my god Will!" He only said that when it meant something. "A blonde; seriously?"

"Brunette."

"Peg-leg."

"Sloan fancier." I couldn't believe he said that; I couldn't believe he knew.

"General surgeon." He took in a dramatic sharp gasp of breath.

"Too low Alden; too low." He flicked a finger of foam from the rim of his coffee cup at me; and of course it hit me square in the chest. Why did Lexie Grey just have to walk past us as Will helped me wipe the mess off?


	16. One More for the Road

"Another tequila Joe. Thanks." I knocked the newly filled glass of golden liquid to the back of my throat. Today had been a bad day. Today had been the worst day.

I know the worst thing to do is to sit and go over every little detail while drinking; but I had just lost a patient that I had seen since I started my medical career on a surgery that was routine. I first met Peter while I was an intern and in fact he was the first patient I encountered once I had my medical degree. At that point I he knew more than I did. He had a slew of medical issues that had been dealt with pretty much every type of surgeon and today it was my turn and he died on my table.

"I've heard you were treating a Clea Stilwell today?" I sidled up to my target.

"I am; she's in to have her heart repaired." She sounded unsure.

"Can I tag along with you on rounds?" I asked the perky blonde with the monkey on her white coat.

"Of course; but this isn't one of your patients. What's your interest?" I could tell instantly that she was one of those surgeons who were overly protective of their patients.

"I know the family."

"We haven't met before have we?" She eyed me in a kind but suspiciously way.

"I don't think we have." I think I had seen her about the hospital; but we hadn't spoken.

"You're the new addition to the cardio department." The casually pointed a finger at me. "I'm Dr Arizona Robbins."

"Dr Poppy Alden." We shook hands and we converged with the residents and entered the room.

"Good morning Clea; and how are we feeling today?"

"My stomach hurts." Clea looked exactly like her father; her mother had left as soon as she was born.

"We can fix that today for you. Who's presenting?" Dr Robbins looked from Clea to the group of resident.

"I am Dr Robbins." Yang pushed her way to the front of the group.

"Go ahead Dr Yang."

"She's frowning." Clea tugged on the sleeve of Arizona's white coat and she leant down so she could whisper to her.

"She always looks like that."

"Clea Stilwell; twelve years old with an Atrial Septal Defect." Cristina continued with a pinched look on her face.

"And can someone tell me what this is?" Arizona addressed the whole group.

"The patient has a hole in the wall separating the two upper chambers of the heart."

"Thank you Dr Grey." I heard a couple of the other interns whisper something about Lexipedia.

"And how do we fix this?" She pressed Lexie further.

"The defect is closed by a midline incision in the upper chest. A midline sternotomy." Dr Grey finished up.

"That's correct Dr Grey; you'll be scrubbing in with me and Dr Altman."

"How about something different?" The seas parted and I was face with an expectant family as well as interested surgeons.

"A sternotomy is standard procedure." Both Teddy and Arizona agreed. I love rounds.

"The open heart surgery will leave a large scar down your daughter's chest which will take weeks of healing. What I propose to do is to try something that will dramatically reduce the visibility of the scar and speed up the healing time."

"Poppy." I went over to greet Peter with a hand shake and a kiss on the cheek. "How have you been; please tell me you've finished your last tour." He's a military man.

"I have; I'm based here in Seattle now."

"So what is your brilliant idea?"

"I want to do a Posterior Thoracotomy. Go in from the side and back of the chest. The cosmetic benefits are obvious but it also offers advantages with regards to breast tissue development and growth of the pectoralis major." I sometimes forget I'm talking in med-speak. "The chest muscles."

"Can I talk to you Dr Alden?"

"Of course Dr Robbins." She took me to the corner of the room; I had over stepped the mark, but it was definitely in the best interests of the patient.

"What are you doing?"

"A Posterior Thoracotomy is in the best interests of this patient; and of most patients of this age."

"This is my patient; not yours. I would appreciate some forewarning if you're going to suggest a riskier procedure." Her once perky face had darkened.

"Her scans look ideal for this procedure; that's why I suggested it. Teddy you must agree?" I had swiped them earlier.

"I do; but this procedure for this defect has been performed less than thirty times." Teddy was the cardio consult on this case.

"Good thing I know what I'm doing. Feel like learning something new Teddy?" I love learning new techniques.

"Absolutely." Teddy had forgotten her temporary allegiance to paeds.

"You have to get parental consent." Arizona cautioned; hopeful that her father would opt for the safer option.

"You have it." Peter's voice appeared on time.

"I'll see you later Peter; we've got to prepare for the surgery." That was the last time I saw him conscious; when I half looked at him as I was rushing off to teach a new procedure to a colleague. I left him in the hands of paediatricians and interns.

"Just keep them coming Joe." The empty shot glasses and beer bottles were piling up around me. I looked like a frat party leftover.

"Do I have to take your keys away from you?"

"No need; no car."

"Code blue; code blue." Echoed through the halls, I was on my way to the Stilwell's room to check up on them and finally catch up with Peter. But my stomach dropped when I heard my pager go off. I run to the room and see Peter lying on the floor and his daughter screaming and crying before arresting herself.

"What happened?" Arizona raced into the room and began to deal with Clea as I took on Peter.

"Get Teddy to meet you in surgery." I needed to deal with Peter.

"Is she ready?"

"Yeah, yeah." She was practically there and I knew I could guide her through it; all I needed was the intercom as I was taking Peter to his own room to try and figure out what was going on with him. He was unconscious and struggling to breathe, I had to get an ECG.

"Yang; I need an ECG for this patient. I have an idea." I watched her place the necessary probes on his chest to get a reading; I was hoping that I would detect the irregularities I needed for a diagnosis.

"What do you think it is?" I was hoping hoof beats were zebras.

"I don't know; but the syncope and the ventricular fibrillation are pointing to something." I watched the monitor and was extremely pleased to catch the irregularities first time. "I was right!" I did a mini fist pump.

"Book an OR Yang; ever fitted an ICD?"

"No." I could hear the excitement bubble up in her voice.

"Well consider this the last time you can say that."

Joe brought me out of my persistent day dream. "Another one?"

"Just some water thanks." I downed the coolness and prayed it would have some sort of restorative affect on my legs so I could stumble home. "Keep it coming."

"Why are we fitting an Implantable Cardioverter-Defibrillator?" Yang and I were stood either side of Peter ready to implant the ICD. The sterile package was opened and I instructed Cristina to perform two small incisions; one in the chest wall and one in the vein under the collarbone.

I could see both Derek and Richard watching from the gallery; I didn't know why although Brugada's was fairly rare the surgery wasn't anything special.

"Do you know what Brugada's Syndrome is Dr Yang?"

"No."

"It's fairly rare. It's a loss of function mutation on the SCN5A gene that results in transmural and epicardial dispersion of repolarisation."

"Have you come across it before?"

"Sort of; I like weird stuff." That I could both blame and thank House for; if I had ignored that last case I would have missed this. "At my last post I was involved in a diagnostic case and another doctor suspected this was the cause. "Take those wires." She picked them up at my request.

"What now?"

"You need to pass them through the vein and attach them to the surface of the heart."

"Dr Alden." I looked up to see the terrified face of Dr April Kepner.

"Yes Dr Kepner?" She always made me feel uneasy.

"Dr Altman is having an issue with the thoracotomy; she needs your help."

"I can't right now Dr Kepner because Dr Yang is placing some very delicate wires." I turned from the surgical field to ask one of my nurses to call the OR next door. "Tell Dr Altman I will guide her through the surgery from here."

"No she needs you now. Now." Her voice was shaking and she looked out of control.

"Dr Kepner; go back into the OR and tell them to pick up the phone." Her feet were rooted to the spot and it was making my blood pressure spike as this was indicating bad news. "Dr Kepner. Go. Now!" I had to shock her into moving and as I looked up at the gallery, all the big hitters were gone. A lump briefly rose in my throat.

"Can I have another tequila Joe?"

"Are you sure? The water was a good idea." I looked up at him as he handed over another shot glass.

"She's lost a lot of blood Alden."

"Just go with what you know. Crack her chest." I could hear Robbins in the background questioning the whole surgery. I knew that things were going south but I couldn't leave Peter in here on his own with someone who had never done an implant before.

"Yang get in there and help." She didn't think twice and just went to scrub in again. All I had to do now was to test the ICD before the anaesthesia wore off; it would be so easy to rush the last part and help but I couldn't do that. All I had to do now was to fibrillate the heart by shocking it; the ICD was in place and ready to go and now I was just making sure it worked. I hated this part. I got the needle ready and pushed the drugs that would send his heart into arrhythmia. We waited for the ICD to spring into action but it didn't.

"Dr Alden?" I heard Yang's voice come over the speaker. "We've got the bleeding under control and the hole has been closed."

"Then get back in here; there's a problem with the ICD."

"Poppy?"

"Yeah."

"Where have you been?" My head slowly turned to see Mark pick me up off the bar stool I had made home and take me outside. The fresh air peeled the layer of tequila, salt and lime off of my face. "You just disappeared after the surgery."

"Wouldn't you?" I had to sit down; the world was spinning just enough to make me slightly nauseous. I sat on the bench outside for a moment to re-centre my head.

"It wasn't your fault."

"But his daughter as well? I wiped out a whole family in a matter of hours. A whole family. Gone."

"Her heart literally blew up. I saw it happen. They took her off bypass and the heart couldn't cope."

"But the surgery was my idea; a median sternotomy..." He cut in by holding me and with his arm around me he got me standing and took me home. I was in no state to go back into the hospital and face their bodies.

I lay down and slept; hoping that before I opened my eyes again they would be alive.


	17. Morning Dr Sloan

"My head." I awoke suddenly clasping the sides of my head in an attempt to keep it all inside. "My head, my head, my head." Hangovers were no longer just an excuse to eat crappy food. I turned from the slits of light breaking through the blinds.

I don't have blinds in my room.

I literally had to peel my eyelids open to realise I wasn't in my room. My eyes sensibly clamped shut and I let my arm feel out to see if there was another body sharing the bed with me. There was. There weren't any sheets covering the extremely well toned upper body next to me; but he was moving.

"Good morning." Oh no.

"Mark?" My voice was raspy.

"The one and only." How could he be so cheerful this early?

"What happened?"

"Tequila happened."

"I can handle tequila; tequila has never treated me this way." I tried to make myself remember. "Peter." Mark's body shifted quickly and it aligned with mine to hold me. The grief didn't manifest in the way I expected it to; my eyes were stinging already so I knew I had already cried. I just felt empty inside.

His body felt amazing next to mine; the warmth spread through my body slowly and enveloped me. And he must have felt the same way as I was aware of his face moving closer to my neck. It was then I realised I wasn't wearing any clothes, well minimal clothing.

"I had to take your scrubs off." He defended his actions. I covertly felt down my body and was glad to confirm that at least I had my underwear on. "How are you feeling?"

"Hung-over."

"I bet. Joe said you put it away."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Poppy, it's happened to all of us. It wasn't your fault. None of it was." He pulled my shoulder towards him so I was lying on my back. "You have to hear me. This wasn't your fault."

"But it is Mark." He sat up and leaned across me so I had to look at him. So I had to hear him. I suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable in his presence.

"We went over this last night. I was there. This was not your fault. You're feeling this way because you were invested in the patient." He brought his face closer. "I know you're hurting; but it will pass."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"Oh really?" One of his eyebrows rose and he shifted his body so more of the weight was on me. "And what will you do if it doesn't?"

"I'll get drunk and do inappropriate things."

"Can I be there for that?" I should have gotten out of bed then and there but I did the inappropriateness straight away; I'd already done the drunken part. I reached up with my hands and pulled him in for a kiss similar to the one we had in the elevator.

He responded as I had hoped and wanted by kissing me back. His lips quickly parted mine with the aid of his talented tongue flicking delicately across my bottom lip. As he entered my mouth his hands slid under my head and moved my body directly underneath his. My legs automatically wrapped around his waist; pulling him in closer to me, my hands did the same to his head. I ran my fingers through his short hair as we kissed again to increase the pressure. We both moved in tandem; our hands now moving from faces and hair to our bodies.

Mark had just whipped the sheets away and our bodies were now skin on skin. When his touched mine a gasp left my mouth that I didn't plan for; it felt so right to be with him like this, to be kissing him and not caring if we got caught. After all these years of knowing each other platonically; he in fact knew everything about me.

His hand rand down my leg; his finger tips applying precise pressure along the way down and back up, he knows I like having my legs touched. As we looked into each others' eyes before making our next move our beepers went off. I was extremely glad to feel the frustration in his body as he leant over me to grab both of them.

"Ignore it." My voice barely penetrated the morning air.

"You don't know how much I would love to do that." He kissed me passionately before dragging me out of bed. It started softly before the pressure mounted; it was hot and sexy and it felt natural.

I reluctantly swung my legs over the side of the bed. As I stood up I shyly wrapped my body in a bachelor grey bed sheet; it wasn't an act of regret, more of one of preservation. I didn't want to be another notch on his expansive collection of bedposts; and if this went no further at least he hadn't seen everything. And the thing that shocked me most of all was that he didn't try to take it off me or even make a flirty joke like did the other day. Although I wasn't dressed in a bed sheet. That might have something to do with it.

A shower and fresh change of clothes later I gingerly met Mark in the open plan kitchen we shared; now pancake free for weeks. I was worried that in the time it had taken for me to have a shower and change that he had a major rethink. It had taken me longer than usual to change as I had a girlie meltdown over what to wear; I didn't want to look like I had tried to look a certain way. In the end I had picked a blue jersey shirt dress that never failed to make me feel good; and I needed that today at work. My personal life was complicated but it came with a hot man who wanted to kiss me. I could deal with that.

I sat myself at the breakfast bar and drank the coffee that had been placed in front of me. A bone dry cappuccino; excellent. I was then handed my breakfast; I think this one is the missing two week breakfast I requested ages ago.

"So, are you freaking out yet?" I crossed my legs against the bar and looked up at him from my coffee cup.

"No; not even close." I took a sip of the scorching drink remaining highly aware of the threat of a foam moustache. I licked my upper lip to be sure before tucking into my omelette. We chatted amiably about what we had planned for the day; I had an early meeting with Derek with regards to yesterday's incident.

After we had eaten we gathered up what we needed for the day and left the apartment. I grabbed the last mouthful of coffee from my cup before racing to meet Mark at the open door; this had to be the one moment I forgot about my upper lip milk fuzz.

"Poppy; wait." I stopped walking and twisted my body to face him.

"Yes?" He brought his hand slowly to my face and passed his thumb lightly across my lip before licking the residue off. I could have stood there all day but the sound of an opening door stopped us dead. We parted and avoided the awkward questioning.

"Morning." Callie greeted us first and she was followed by Arizona; then came Cristina and Owen. Oh this is cosy.

After all the good mornings were exchanged we all walked together to the hospital. I wanted to go straight to Derek's office without seeing anyone involved from yesterday; but life doesn't go like that. I could feel a pulse of tension from Cristina and Arizona as we entered the building and it felt like everyone was looking. Had news travelled that fast? Of course it had.

I left the group and went in the direction of my meeting trying to get my head in gear to do some explaining; mainly about the surgery but also about my behaviour afterwards.


	18. Morning Dr Shepherd

"Morning Derek."

"Morning Poppy; sit down." I did as he said and let him continue until he asked me to answer a question. "I think you know why I've asked you here."

"I do."

"The loss of Mr Stilwell and his daughter has raised some questions." I bit my lip to avoid blurting out some unhelpfulness. "These need to be answered. And you are the one who can do it."

"Ask away."

"First of all I want to understand what happened in the lead up to both patients crashing."

"All I can tell you is about Mr Stilwell; I was never in the OR with the daughter."

"Then tell me about Mr Stilwell."

"It was a text book procedure; even after Cristina left. I attached the wires correctly and implanted the ICD. It was only after the first test that I suspected a problem; I sent the heart into V-Fib but the ICD didn't kick in."

"What did you do then?"

"After hearing that Dr Robbins and Dr Altman had repaired the Arterial Septal Defect successfully I requested Dr Yang to return to help me. I changed the settings on the ICD but I deduced it was faulty. I requested another device but that didn't work either."

"Same batch number?"

"Derek at this point the patient was in V-Fib and dying as a result of Brugada's Syndrome. I tried CPR but that was failing; but before we could open his chest he flat lined. We tried several rounds of de-fib but that failed too. And I pronounced him." Derek didn't say anything and remained silent until I spoke again. "But you didn't want to know that." He leant back into his chair to contemplate his next move. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know about the thousands of pounds of damage you caused to the OR."

"I was upset Derek. I can pay for it."

"I know that. But why this patient?"

"I'm already in therapy Derek; I don't need any more."

"You're not operating on another patient until you explain why you felt the need to throw instruments and machines around the room." He sat back and crossed his arms; waiting for me to give him what he wanted and he knew I would because I have to cut.

"I know I can trust you not to go telling everybody this can't I?"

"Of course."

"Just before I was medically discharge from the Medical Corps I lost a set of twin brothers. They were eighteen years old when I first met them; they had both been involved in a roadside bomb." I could see Derek sit forward and lean on his desk. "They had been over there for less than a week and they died; both by my hand, on my table."

I stood up so I could pace about a bit; it helped to be moving when I recollected these memories to remind me that I wasn't there now. "I think I had a breakdown of some sort; I couldn't keep send those boys and girls back onto the front. It felt like a processing line. They come in; you patch them up and send them back. Reconditioned."

"Is it because they were related; was that what triggered it?" I knew he was just trying to understand; but I was struggling to keep my voice level.

"I think so; maybe. Derek; I'm still working through a lot of things. And I'll pay for all the damage." I relaxed and let go of some of my demons and let a few more bricks fall off of my wall.

"I know you will." I was pleased to see a smile on his face.

"How are you Derek?"

"What?" He was idly leafing through some anonymous paperwork on his desk.

"I know you didn't want to talk after it happened; but I want to make sure you're okay." Meredith's miscarriage went on lockdown; we all tried to ask him about it to let him know he wasn't alone, but he was looking after her.

"It was hard but she's doing well; really well, as well as could be expected." He was trying to avoid the question.

"That's good to hear; but you're my friend Derek. I want to know how you're doing. How you're coping."

"It was like a pain I had never felt before." I reached across the desk and held onto his hand. "I lost a child and I almost lost her; that day. The days after; all I could think about was the future and what I had almost lost and then I found out I had almost lost it all." I got up and out of my seat and sat on the edge of the desk next to Derek; I held onto his arm.

"You still have a future."

"I know; we made each other see that." I could see his eyes well up. "Go cut." He took a huge intake of breath and forced the tears back.

"Are you sure? Do you want a crazy lady wandering the halls?"

"This is why you're going to fit in here. Seattle Grace is filled with people who will happily go postal when a patient dies."

"I'm not sure you mean that."

"Ah; no. Bad choice of words." I left his office but was quickly replaced by Dr Kepner.

"Did it go okay?" I went to the OR board straight away to find out what was going on and was faced with Robbins, Yang and Teddy. Teddy spoke first.

"Yeah; I've got a pretty big cheque to write but I'm allowed a scalpel in my hands."

"So what's going to happen?" I could hear a line of panic running through Yang's question.

"I don't know; but I can make an educated guess that this is going to be top of the agenda at the next M and M." I hate Morbid and Mortality conferences; I hate reliving the deaths of my patients and those of fellow surgeons. As an intern it was enjoyable as we got to see our residents suffer more than us; but as soon at the scalpel was in my hands that changed.

"Great." Yang walked off and I saw her meet up with Meredith and Lexie.

"Are you okay?" Arizona's chirpy voice floated into my ears.

"I'm fine; just hard to lose a patient you've known for your whole medical career." She briefly touched the top of my arm before leaving me with Teddy.

"Are you really alright?"

"Yeah; just kicked up some dust from the desert."

"If you need to talk."

"Thanks Teddy." I knew she understood.

"Morning Mark. Looks like you've got your hands full." She turned her attentions to the new member of the board watchers.

"What?" He couldn't look guiltier. I hoped that meant he was thinking about this morning.

"You've got back to back surgeries today." She pointed at the white board.

"I have." Teddy gave him a strange look and left us to it.

"See you later Poppy." I gave her a small wave and waited for Mark to say something as I studied the board and planned my day.

"How did it go?" He stayed standing at my side; looking at the board as we all do.

"It was fine; he wanted to make sure I was alright to cut."

"Are you?" He didn't sound sure; I think my outburst and subsequent binge didn't really ally myself to the 'I'm fine' brigade.

"I am." I attempted convincing.

"Have lunch with me today."

"Okay; we have lunch most days." I didn't see why he needed to make an appointment.

"Not in the hospital. Somewhere else."

"I know; it would be nice to eat somewhere other than here." Apart from a ridiculous amount of takeouts with Mark; the only other place I ate was the hospital.

"That's what I was thinking." He traced a tiny design on my wrist and left for his first surgery of the day. I went to see my first patient with my stomach doing loops.

My day turned out to be like any other day which was nice apart from the moment when I was repairing a dissected aorta instead of eating lunch. I guess that is an advantage when making plans with a surgeon; when you have to miss something because you're elbow deep in some guy's chest they understand.


	19. McWhat?

"Sorry I missed lunch; it was an emergent case." I tried to get myself warm using the car heating vents. They were okay; but I had to keep my coat and gloves on.

"Stop apologising; I get it, but it is your fault we have to eat Meredith's cooking tonight."

"I'm guessing this a serious punishment then." Surgeons don't really have to be good at anything else.

"You have no idea." He pulled up in front of the most gorgeous house; it looked like it should be littered with children, but the case of empty tequila bottles suggested otherwise. I skidded on a patch of ice and had to make a comical grab for Mark's arm. "Shame you had to miss lunch." Why was he so focused on that lunch?

"I didn't intend to."

"I know; but someone decided that a ruptured aorta was more interesting." We made it up the steps and past the swing bench so we could announce our arrival.

"A ruptured aorta is always going to be more interesting than lunch."

"Then how about dinner with me and every other couple in the hospital?"

"You've got to be kidding me." I just had just enough time to see Mark smile into the cool darkness before we were greeted by Derek.

"It's about time." We had spent a little extra time back at the apartment. "Come in." We both took our coats off and handed them over to Derek who squirreled them away in the vast entrance hall.

"This is an amazing house Derek."

"It's not mine; it's Meredith's."

"Wow; not too shabby for a resident." I followed Mark and Derek into the kitchen which was filled with, as Mark said, with every couple in the hospital. Arizona and Callie were sat at the kitchen table with Alex Karev. Cristina was sat with Owen at the breakfast bar, Meredith was in fact cooking but I think Derek was helping her. Will was also putting an appearance in along with Teddy. And Lexie came in behind us with several bottles of wine in hand.

Mark sat down with Callie and Arizona which made Alex stand up rather rapidly; I guess he was still terrorising the residents. I walked over to Meredith to try and build some more bridges with her and Cristina; I had been informed that they were a tight knit duo, or the twisted sisters as Owen put it. "Meredith; your house is gorgeous."

"It was my mother's." Oh this is so cool, Ellis Grey's house; I was warned by Derek not to mention her mother as their relationship was not the best, so I let the conversation end there.

We slowly made our way into the dining room in groups; the atmosphere in the house was great, everyone was chatting to everyone. Mainly about surgery; and let's be honest, that's what all of us have in common. Looking around it made me smile to think that amongst us we could literally solve any medical mystery that walked through the door.

"Poppy." Will beckoned me over to where he was sat on the couch. "Come here."

"Hey." I leant down and hugged him before sitting down next to him.

"Are you okay?" He put on his sad eyes.

"I am; just reminded me of the twins." He knew what I was talking about.

"I know; sorry I couldn't come and get you from Joe's the other night. I was in surgery, did Mark find you?"

"Yeah he did." I made myself comfortable on the squishy sofa and sipped at my glass of red wine.

"He was pretty worried about you. Are you sure nothing's going on?" After tackling him about Lexie he returned the favour by interrogating me about Mark; and he was dead on the money. He had apparently noticed looks and touches that were 'beyond the realms of just snogging under the stairs'. Maybe I shouldn't have ribbed him so mercilessly about Lexie; I forgot how perceptive he can be, so he did know about what me and Mark got up to in med school.

"Yes; just leave it be." My voice was a little harsher than I had intended. "Sorry; it's been a long week."

"You never have to apologise to me. But if I find out you are McSexing McSteamy; you will be sorry." I loudly choked a mouthful of wine.

"What are you on about; McWhat?"

"Tell me you're joking. You haven't heard of McDreamy or McSteamy?"

"No." I elongated the no to emphasise the fact I had obviously not heard of them.

"It's a thing they have here; they 'mc' everything, you even have a McNickname."

"Are you McLimp?"

"Oh har har. You don't want to know yours." I guess I haven't made too much progress.

"Dinner's ready." Derek brought everyone around the table and whatever had been concocted smelt great.

I initially become suspicious about the intentions of the night when both Meredith and Derek began hovering around and placing people is specific seats. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be sat next to Mark. After a few minutes of awkwardness Will was placed next to Lexie, Teddy next to Mark and I had the unending charm of Alex Karev. He was a skilled surgeon and was definitely going into paeds but I wasn't looking to sleep with him. Even when I first met him that was the last thing on my mind; I don't do younger guys.

"How long are you planning to stay Poppy?" I finished my mouthful of chicken to answer Arizona; god she liked to ask a lot of questions.

"Oh – um – I don't know. It depends." Mark was sat opposite with a concerned expression. I was really coming to the end of my sabbatical from Princeton Plainsboro and I had a serious choice to make. I could probably make a decent case for some more time off but would I just be delaying the inevitable move here; or should I just go back and get this programme up off of the ground. I did have a lot more limitations here; but then I had different ones back in New Jersey. But really; how could I leave all of my friends?

"Depends on what?" I liked Arizona; but she was making it hard.

"On whether or not I'm of any use here."

"The more women the better; am I right men?" There was a burble of laughter around the table as we continued eating and talking amongst ourselves.

"Where did you grow up?" I wasn't going to totally dismiss Alex's presence beside me; but he seemed more interested in Lexie. I made an effort for Meredith and Derek's sake.

"Iowa."

"Did you like it?"

"Did I like what?" He was ignoring me so he could concentrate on what Lexie was saying.

"Growing up in Iowa?"

"Yeah." I've heard how he is with patients; he's not monosyllabic.

"Do you love her? Is that why you look at her like that?" I had to ask the obvious question. I didn't know him that well; but I knew Will and I didn't want him to be caught up in a triangle.

"What?"

"Look we both know we were sat together for a reason." That made him snap out of his Lexie-dream. "I just want to know if you love her." He looked at her as she talked across to Will.

"Yeah."

"That was convincing." He shot a look at me as he craned his neck to hear them talk. I leant back and watched Will's face light up as Lexie paid him more and more attention; he really did like her. They looked good together. He caught me staring and flicked half a green bean at me mouthing 'stop it'. I turned my attentions back to the rest of the group; including Mark who mouthed the word 'sorry' at me. I smiled as I was actually enjoying myself with this group.

The plates were cleared away and replaced with wine and whiskey; I swapped over to the whiskey; wine is to be drunk with food and nothing else. We still remained at the table but everyone took a more relaxed position on the night. This is when I got to know everyone a little bit better.

"Right; we must toast tonight as we have all managed to get some actual time off." We all raised our glasses in varying states of depletion to the notion. Derek continued for some time until me, Mark and Will started heckling.

"Don't touch the lung; don't touch the lung." The three of chanted at him to stop him rambling.

"What is the deal with lungs?" Meredith put her wine glass down and the three of us went quiet. I had to keep my eyes down because if I looked up at Mark or Will I would crack instantly. It didn't help though, that Mark was playing with my feet under the table. "You three; one of you tell me what's with the lungs." I don't blame her for being pissed at us; I think she found all of our little presents. My favourite one was the preserved lungs I swiped from the lab and left on his desk in wrapping paper.

"If you tell; I'll tell." Derek didn't mention names but we all knew he had mountains of dirt on us. I made the mistake of looking up and I saw both Will and Mark fighting back the urge.

"He threw up the first time he touched a lung." The entire table swung around to look at Derek; understandably shocked to hear that their chief of surgery hurled in gross anatomy.

"So you were that guy." I could have hit Owen for getting involved; there wasn't a need to add fuel on this fire.

"You can talk; I first met you lying on a bar floor singing Ring of Fire." I could tell he was enjoying it because of the smug little smirk on his mouth.

"I remember that night." Mark said it a bit too fondly while looking at me.

"Yeah me too; it wasn't long until you were doing the same Derek. Or was it on the bar?" Will's turn to join in; he was opening himself up for a world of pain.

"Double oh seven Will." Whoa; we were pulling out the big guns. And it was unfair that he got that label in the end; that's why I never made fun of him. But I had a feeling that Mark was involved with that from the start.

"You were the double oh seven?" Cristina leant onto the table to look over at Will with the information Mark had laid on the table.

"That may be Mark; but at least I didn't get caught sleeping with the Dean by her husband and chased through the campus." I laughed at Will for that one as it was hardly something Mark would be embarrassed about. In fact everyone had a good laugh about that one. We all took this point to take a break and leave the table; the others seemed to be apprehensive about the situation but after we all hugged it out, the tension left. This is what we do and I think finally the residents got it.

Mark gently held my elbow and took me out of the living room leaving the group of surgical couples behind. We ended up outside and with the weather it pretty much guaranteed us not to be interrupted; I made myself comfortable on the swinging bench and Mark joined me.

"I didn't realise we were going to be set up tonight." He sounded mildly disappointed.

"Come on; we have to laugh about it. I got given Karev and he's sort of in love with Lexie who is getting up to something with Will."

"Not how I imagined it."

"I've enjoyed myself; I've spent the evening getting to know your family." I moved along the bench so we were touching and his arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me close. In that single moment it was just the two of us; it wasn't cold, we weren't sharing a creaking seat and we weren't hiding from everyone. He kissed my temple and I could so easily have melted. "Not how you imagined what?"

"Our, um, date. First date." He's sweet when he fumbles over words.

"This is our first date?" I was totally taken aback.

"Well, lunch was supposed to be."

"I'm definitely sorry now."

"You weren't before."

"Lunch is trumped by surgery; dates are a different matter."

"Do you want to get out of here?"

"Wouldn't that be suspicious?" We had both decided to leave whatever we were doing out of the sight of prying eyes. We had no idea where this was going; we didn't need to be interrogated.

"I have an early surgery and I'm your ride." He had forgone the drinks tonight; and I only had a small glass of wine and half a whiskey.

The ride home was peaceful; we didn't have to fight to leave, the advantages of being friends I suppose. The only downside of living together was the lack of those early date drop offs with chaste kisses and coy looks as you close the door on them. But I'm in no place to complain; the apartment was fantastic, so close to the hospital and I was sharing with one of my closest friends. Or whatever.

We left the car and walked up to the apartment, past the security door and up the stairs. It was path I had walked many times to and from work, and from Joe's. We didn't speak until we got to the door; all that could be heard was my high heels tap along the concrete floor. As I got there first I opened the door and stepped in alone, Mark waited outside.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm saying goodnight." I walked back to the threshold. As we met by the door he took my hand to bring me closer to his body; his lips gently pressed against mine. He took my head in one of his hands and parted his lips slightly to take the tempo up but stopped before it got too intense. It was the perfect first date kiss; memorable not for heat and passion but for promise and wanting. "Goodnight."


	20. M & M

"You have to eat something."

"No I don't." I pushed the bowl of cereal back at Mark.

"You will because you'll faint or something; and I'm not going to be that person who has to pick you up." Will had also joined us for breakfast.

"I don't want to be sick."

"You've been these things before; you'll be fine. Derek has no questions about your ability; none of us do; none of us did." Mark pushed the cereal back in front of me and forced a spoon into my hands. "Eat."

"Eat." Will enforced the request and I spooned whatever cereal was in the bowl into my mouth. I couldn't taste anything; I chewed and swallowed as a matter of reflex.

"See; that wasn't too hard." Mark took the half-empty bowl from me once I had dropped the spoon into it. I really couldn't eat that much.

"I should go change." I slid off of the chair and walked to my bedroom to rummage through what I had to available to me to wear. I didn't want to look casual but I also didn't want to look too severe and formal. I was sat on the floor with a huge pile of clothes around me when someone tapped lightly on my door.

"Hey; we need to go." I lifted my head to see Will stood at my door. He came in and picked me up; I wasn't just wearing my lingerie but that's life I suppose. "You can do this." He looked deep into my eyes. "Get your ass into some clothes so we can go."

I had to smile at his comment but it did clear my mind enough to pick out a suitable outfit; in the end I chose a teal pencil skirt and a black three quarter length cotton shirt. I made sure I had everything in my bag before leaving my room; I had left the shoes I wanted to wear in the living room.

"Nice." I shot a filthy look at Will for the comment; not because of what he said but due to me bending over when he said it. I slipped on my shoes and with a flask full of my favourite coffee; something me, Mark and Will have in common.

I had never felt so nervous before a morbid and mortality conference before; probably because I had never had the spotlight so firmly focused on my abilities. I mean we've all been involved in adverse outcomes before; but I was in a position of responsibility now so fault could be laid at my feet even though M and M conferences were educational tools.

I took my seat at the front of the room and waited for the meeting to start; I was up last and I had a feeling that had been done on purpose. Teddy came and sat next to me as she was presenting before me about Clea Stilwell. No doubt I would be mentioned in that case too. I could tell she was nervous because she was playing with her skirt and fiddling with the files she had on her lap. I was past nervous now; I was fully determined to get through this in one piece along with my reputation.

"And I will remind you again that these conferences are confidential and a great educational opportunity." Derek took a breath and introduced Teddy. "And now Dr Altman will present."

I heard her mutter 'oh crap' under her breath before leaving her chair and climbing up to the platform. The screen flicked to her case; all the key points were there and now she was going to be questioned. I could see my consultation as its own bullet point.

"Patient 78439 presented with a diagnosed Atrial Septal Defect. The patient was admitted for a Median Sternotomy." She continued to run through the case; the previous nervousness disappeared the moment she spoke. I sat up straight ready for the questions to be asked; I swallowed hard and braced myself.

"Dr Altman; why did you suddenly change the procedure?" I didn't turn around but I recognised the nasally voice of one of the general residents.

"I received a consultation from Dr Alden that presented significant advantages for this patient."

"What were they?"

"Increased recovery time and benefits for the future of the patient's breast tissue development and pectoralis major growth. The patient was twelve years old and the scar was a large concern." I heard an intern behind me mutter something about that not being a concern anymore.

"Did you and Dr Robbins agree with the consultation?" A lump rose in my throat. "I understand Dr Alden announced the idea in front of the patient." I was struggling not to turn around. "And you had never done the procedure before for this defect." He was badgering the witness now.

"Let me answer them in order for you." There was a pleasing edge to her voice cutting him down to size. "The delivery was somewhat unorthodox but Dr Robbins and I did agree with the consult. And with regards to my experience Dr Alden had taught me the procedure."

"And what experience does Dr Alden have?"

"She has helped refine the procedure for the specific defect." I prayed that he would be satisfied with the response.

"Okay; I think the only question now is your ability Dr Altman." Most of the room looked around to the questioner, the same freaking resident. Did he have a problem with Teddy?

"Excuse me?" I could see her tense up behind the podium; I could also see Derek do the same in his chair.

"Your ability to perform under pressure in adverse conditions."

"You can't say that." Will stood up behind and shouted at the resident.

"Dr Chase sit down." I'm glad Derek jumped in because I knew it would have been hard for me or Owen not to follow Will's lead.

"We need to know Chief, if being in Iraq has hampered her judgment."

"That's enough Dr Newell." I hope Will deals with him later. I looked up at Teddy again and she was visible shaken by the comment on her ability. You don't last in Iraq unless you have a steel resolve and the capability to make life and death decisions with gunfire over your head.

"It didn't; it hasn't." She called out; but the damage had already happened. Will better give him some enemas.

"Then what went wrong? Can't you deal with a damaged aorta?"

"Dr Newell please leave." He didn't need to be told twice; he shuffled he way through the seat row and shut the door loudly after himself. Derek then told Teddy that her time was up; letting the last question linger in the air; I had to rectify that when I was being questioned. "Now please remember that this is forum of discussion, not interrogation, Dr Alden will now discuss her patient."

I took one deep breath and passed Teddy as she went to sit down; I placed my notes onto the lectern and faked a whole bucket of confidence. The audience in front of me looked on expectantly; their eyes boring holes through me; I slipped my glasses on and briefed them on the case. I made it through the summary, the slides and my conclusion; and waited for the questions to start.

"Dr Alden." I tried to discover where the voice was coming from and when our eyes connected she continued. "I understand you had Dr Yang performing the surgery." Great; the bitchiest resident from paeds, god I loathed her and her perm.

"Yes; this is a teaching hospital. Do you have a question for me?"

"You sent her out of the OR during; why is that?"

"Dr Robbins and Dr Altman had a more emergent case and needed another set of hands."

"Was Dr Altman struggling?" What went on in that room that I didn't hear?

"Of course not; Dr Yang has a good working relationship with Dr Altman. Dr Altman merely needed another set of cardio hands that she could trust." Teddy was not going down for this.

"Why did Dr Yang have to scrub back in with you; can't the cardio department work without her." I clocked Cristina slouch into her seat; this was not a time to be proud.

"The ICD had failed to restart my patient's heart. And with regards to your comment about Dr Yang; she reported that the bleeding was under control and I just needed another set of hands; it didn't matter who's they were."

"What did you try next?"

"I received another implant and tried that. However I had diagnosed the patient with Brugada's Syndrome earlier and was unable to keep the patient's heart from fibrillating. The patient coded and died."

"Why did the ICD fail? That's a very rare complication." She looked like the cat that got the cream when she offered me the question over the silent room.

"They had been stored incorrectly."

"I find that hard to believe." Who was she, the police?

"My thoughts exactly, Dr Dwyer, when the second ICD failed on me." The room relaxed for the first time. "They had been stored on a mattress used in the treatment of arthritis." Once my head had cleared I went to look for the rest of the ICDs to stop them being used; and there they were just casually put on the mattress with a big warning sign on it.

"Magnets?" Lexie Grey piped up unexpectedly.

"Yes Dr Grey; the ICD's were corrupted by the magnets in the mattress." The bitchy resident's face dropped, she thought she had me put away. "So there is something we can all take away from this; don't be arrogant enough to think you are the only cog in the machine of patient care." I removed my glasses, folded them and out them on top of my notes. "We all have a part to play in this from stores upwards; if you see something out of place then report it; do something about it. Because this will happen again." I had to say that for Peter.

"Thank you Dr Alden; I think you summed it up well." I finally left the stage and took to the relative safety of my chair. "Again let me remind all of you that M and M conferences are a forum, not a court, we are all here to learn and better ourselves. Better our standard of care."

Even though I felt I had wrapped the incident up and that even the new equipment had arrived; I still felt deflated. I turned to see Teddy look worse than I felt; she was staring at the pile of paper on her lap.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah; apart from my reputation being shot to pieces."

"Christ Teddy; you've been through worse and anyway, what does a general surgeon know about hearts?"

"Good point." She got up and mentally dusted herself off; I knew this wouldn't affect her for long, if at all. We've all had our abilities questioned at some point; it's just part of the job, but it's made harder when you have residents sticking the knife in. And general surgeons at that.

I picked myself up out of my chair and slotted the papers into my bag ready to give back to Derek for processing, or whatever. By the time I got myself organised the room had emptied apart from me and one other body.

"Don't argue; I'm taking you to dinner."


	21. Goodnight!

We had the weird one in the hospital cafeteria; the short one at the coffee shop outside and I even met the family. And we finally had our dinner date; the one that Mark had been obsessing over for what seemed like weeks. He had been sweet and attentive all night and the hot waitress only seemed to turn my head; I think he appreciated that.

We reached our shared front door in laughter; about something from our considerable past fuelled by wine and good food. Before I could fish out my key; Mark had suavely pressed my body up against the door, his hands either side of my waist, his lips already on mine. I ran my hands over his body, sneakily untucking his shirt before wrapping my arms loosely around his neck so I could bring him closer to me. His tongue teased mine briefly before I eagerly surrounded my mouth to his; the heat increased as he picked me up.

I let out a satisfied gasp when I found myself wrapped around Mark's waist; I looked down on his smiling face as we kissed again. He had a firm grip on me so when we were shocked by the door opening behind us I wasn't dropped; although I didn't notice the four people crowding the doorframe until someone coughed. The wine feeding my brain made me smile at them and Mark wished them a 'goodnight' as he finally opened the front door.

I took my coat off with a little help from Mark's willing hands and kicked off my shoes to the floor. I was suddenly extremely glad I was wearing my favourite set of lingerie as we were heading to Mark's bedroom at a considerable speed.

And we were at another door; I dismounted Mark gracefully and opened it for the both of us, taking him by the hand and guiding him in. Still holding his hand I pulled him in for a deep kiss; I tugged his jacket off and his shirt quickly followed, my hands instantly went to his chest. He broke away from my lips and paid attention to my neck as he unbuttoned my shirt; my head rolled back to encourage him to continue.

He crushed his lips onto mine; his stubble grazing me making my nerves take notice. He began softly, capturing my top lip between his and sucking gently before sliding a hand through my hair. Holding my head firmly he increased the tempo and as my mouth opened out tongues met with enthusiasm.

A fuzzy sensation began in the back of my head, this was a welcome feeling, and I relaxed into his arms. His free hand was tracing wild patterns on my back as we moved in the direction of the bed, as my legs hit the edge I heard the quiet snap of my bra being unhooked. He peeled the nude lace bra off my body and flicked it over his shoulder, then went in for another kiss.

"Oh god, Mark." The kiss was frantic; his hands snaking their way down to my skirt zipper. He dipped his fingers underneath the waistband; teasing me with what was to come. I got to his pants and unzipped them first; letting Mark wriggle out of them before he manoeuvred me onto the bed. He remained standing as I propped myself up on my elbows; leaving him able to remove my skirt. His eyes swept over my body.

Moving my legs apart allowed him to get close to my body; his hands touched my thighs which made me gasp and my skin tingle. His eyes connected with mine; we were both hungry for each other's body and with his hands underneath me he threw me onto the bed and quickly followed.

"God you're hot." I smiled as he began to caress my body as he kissed down my torso. His lips moved down my neck; I couldn't help but moan as he hit every nerve ending. A kiss on my collarbone gave a hiss of pleasure; a flick of the tongue at my sternum made my hips buck against his; a firm grip on my waist made me writhe. He stripped both of us of the last of our clothes expertly; not wasting a second of closeness or contact.

This time I initiated the kiss, passionate and rough forcing it on him. His mouth opened willingly and our tongues mingled together, flicking over each other in long languid strokes. I couldn't get enough, our naked bodies pressed closed together, our lips connected and our hands exploring. His hands ran up my thighs, I was now straddling his abdomen, felt over my bottom and ended up firmly planted on my breasts. I broke it off and sat up a little, resting on my hands, Mark barely broke his rhythm of playing with me passing a thumb over my already excited nipple.

He stretched over the bed with an arm and reached into a drawer and retrieved a familiar foil packet; he tore it open and I took the condom out and put it on. I knew his body was ready and he made sure I was too; his skilled hands touching me bringing me closer.

The feeling of him entering me was utter bliss, his hands didn't move from my body but his grip loosened marginally. As he gently pushed himself inside me I felt myself have to adjust my position to accommodate him. I know he was enjoying watching this pseudo-struggle; and I knew he would help in the best way possible given the chance. And he took it; thrusting deeply inside of me, the sharp pain lasted seconds before the intense feeling of ecstasy kicked in. Sitting up I threw my head back and stretched my body out letting my neurons soak up everything.

We moved together exceptionally, creating a delicious friction that was making me lose my mind. Every time he arched into me, I arched back into him. Our bodies were in constant contact, except the moments I slowly lifted off him and teased him. Infuriating him apparently was my speciality; he kept the grip on me tight, I wasn't allowed to do it again. He gave me the look. I loved the feeling of him inside me, nothing could compare with this moment of ultimate closeness. My hips bucked and I could feel a faint wave of rapture in my lower stomach.

"Oh god." My brain ceased operating making me unaware what was happening when I found myself on my back again.

"Why thank you." Egomaniac.

Wrapping my legs around his waist I felt him enter me again. My hands reached above my head and took hold of the low head-board to steady myself. This was getting intense, the waves were becoming stronger and more regular, but I didn't want to come yet, not yet. His chest met mine and I could feel his heart thumping away. Our lips connected again, wet, hot and yearning. His stubble grazed my cheek setting my nerves on fire, I couldn't take much more. I pushed my head back into the last remaining pillow offering up my neck to him; taking the incentive he began kissing my sensitive skin. Groaning loudly I knew I wasn't going to last and I got the impression neither was he. When my head finally came back down I was met with a pair of intense eyes, and when his arms went around my back to hold me I could feel myself come to the edge. Once that first wave washed over me I couldn't hold back.

"Don't stop." I whispered in his ear.

Grabbing my hips again he thrust hard inside me causing me to shout out. It travelled all over my body and when it hit my brain I struggled to contain it. I groaned and cried out his name and continued to enjoy my spectacular orgasm. I hadn't felt this good in so long, I didn't care my hair was in a state and my body was covered in perspiration.

When I quietened down I could hear Mark join in; the low rumble from his chest spurred me on further hitting my already responsive nerves. My legs remained tightly wound around him as he came inside me, driving deeply inside me for the last few times before he rested. We were breathing heavily and I was feeling pretty damn good about myself right now. Parting our bodies was easy; we literally slid off each other. Wrapping a sheet around my rapidly cooling body I turned on my side to face him. His eyes were gently closed and his face seemed sated, pleased with his performance no doubt.

I had to take a second to drink him in; a few short kisses were all that were needed to bring the tempo back down to something more manageable. I knew I needed the time to catch my breath and centre my head; and judging by the smile Mark was sporting, so did he.

I pulled the sheet around me tightly to keep the last of the warmth in; Mark helped me out by bringing another sheet over both of us and drawing me into his chest; his arm keeping me close. I breathed his masculine scent in and out several times; the effect was almost instant on my eyes. I could feel his breathing slow down a little and his body relax; he was feeling the glorious after effects too. He sleepily kissed the top of my head and whispered a goodnight before falling asleep. I was on my way too; but not before having a minor freak out; of all the years of sharing a wall with him I knew that he never went just the once. As my eyes finally closed my final thought was about what went wrong.


	22. Carotid Endarterectomy

"Good morning." I felt a kiss on the back of my neck bring me out of my slumber. I peeled my eyes open to be faced with the bright morning sun streaming through the gaps in the blinds. I yawned the sleep out of body and turned myself over into the gaze of my bed-mate. Waking up to Mark Sloan is nothing short of a treat.

"Good morning." I stretched my neck to kiss him on the lips; mindful of the dreaded morning breath. I picked myself off of the bed; sheet still wrapped around me and dragged myself off to the bathroom, although I wasn't alone for long, or with bed sheet. "Give that back!" We each had hold of the crumpled cotton sheet; but I soon realised the advantage of letting it go. I walked off into the bathroom leaving the door open as an invitation. I barely had time to turn the faucet on before I was joined in the cubicle by an incredibly handsome and naked surgeon; the definition of hot.

The water soon reached the optimum temperature; the large shower head was made for two people to share, the water was scorching my back pleasantly when Mark reached for the shower gel. I tipped my head back into the water to drench my hair so I could wash it, and as I ran my fingers through I could feel a pair of soapy hands run all over my body. At this moment I was eternally grateful for yoga; Pilates and my running habit.

"When did you get this?" I was wondering when he was going to mention my tattoo. He turned me around and traced around the large design on my lower back.

"A couple of years ago when I was on R and R." In the brief moments of spare time I experienced in Germany and around Europe I slowly accumulated it. It started off as a small design that quickly grew; it was now a beautiful collection of flowers running starting at the base of my spine and running up my left side. I was surprised he hadn't noticed it before.

"It suits you." A kiss that started at my neck soon made its way around to my lips; now this was a way to start the morning. I flung my arms around his neck as I found my back pressed against the cool tiles; his body felt great next to mine, the definition easily felt. And amplified by the soapy droplets running down every inch of his broad chest and toned arms and Callie.

"Sorry!"

"Oh god." I had to laugh; she'd seen the start, so I guess it was only fair she got to see the morning after.

"Morning Callie!" Mark joined in with my hysterics and then continued to kiss me; barely blinking an eye.

After hairs were washed and dried and messed up again Callie returned with more apologies. "Sorry again."

"Don't worry about it." I poured myself a cup of filter coffee. "I'm sure that's far from the first time you've seen Mark in that position." I knew that she had fun times with him before.

"I guess not." I smiled with her as Mark disappeared next door for breakfast. I jumped off the stool and went to follow him when Callie caught my arm and slowed me down. "So you and Mark?"

"Yes."

"Just last night or..." I didn't really get on with women that well; but Callie and I had spent a great deal of time together since I had arrived in Seattle and I finally felt comfortable to gossip with her. She was a consistent source of top grade information from around the hospital; and apparently so was I on occasions.

"We've been dating. And last night was the first..."

"Wow. So you aren't messing him about."

"Callie; I've known him for years."

"A lot of things have gone on since you left."

"I know; and we've spoken about it all, at length. About Sloan; Lexie, everything." I walked towards the door with her; but before we reached her apartment I turned and hugged her. She looked shocked. "Thank you for looking after him."

"I enjoy it. He looks after me."

"I know; he completely adores you." I walked into a room filled with people who saw me pressed up against a door last night.

"So Mark Sloan?" I knew it would be Owen to say something. He handed me my second cup of coffee of the day; I love coffee.

"Shut up?" Owen's comment was poking fun but I knew that Cristina would be telling Meredith imminently, which would soon mean that Lexie would find out. A knot grew in my stomach; I hoped it wasn't about to undo all of the good between Meredith and I. Granted we were hardly the best of friends; but we could pass the time and the frostiness had gone. I was thankful that Will was moving along with Lexie; they seemed settled with each other.

"I've got a bagel with cream cheese" I walked over to Arizona and took the plate off of her; breakfast together had become a regular occurrence.

"Thanks Arizona." I took a mouthful out of my breakfast before checking the new message on my pager. A meeting? Another one? No one else got a page; so I took it as a bad thing.

"Have you got to go?" Mark wandered up to me with a coffee in hand.

"Derek wants to see me before my first surgery."

"Do you know what for?" He took a bite out of my bagel.

"No, I have no idea. I don't think I've trashed any ORs recently." We laughed as he took the rest of my bagel; I offered it to him as I was no longer hungry.

"Let me know how it goes."

I looked back over to Owen and Cristina who had just picked up a plate of pancakes and bacon. "Yang; I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"What?"

"You're performing a carotid endarterectomy with me this morning; and you do not want to have eaten bacon beforehand." I watched her put the bacon back down on her plate; Owen soon put it away.

"What? I'm not clearing out some fat guys arteries."


	23. Moving Up

"You wanted to see me Derek?" I passed Patricia as she left the office with a huge pile of papers in her arms.

"Yes. Thanks Patricia." I sat down at his desk and waited for him to return closing his door. That wasn't a good sign. "I guess you're wondering why you're here." I felt like I was in the principal's office.

"No; I just came here for a chat." I attributed my sarcasm to the lack of caffeine in my system.

"It's about the M and M conference." Oh crap. "I want to offer you a permanent position here."

"Oh wow, thanks Derek." But I don't really want to be an attending again.

"I want to offer you the position of Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery."

"That's Teddy's job. I'm not taking her job."

"It's not her job anymore."

"Derek what are you talking about?"

"The Stilwell case raised some questions about the cardio department as a whole. The board has been considering you for the position ever since you submitted your consultation."

"I was offering an opinion; I wasn't after her job."

"I know you weren't; but they were so impressed they have offered a pretty decent package to get you to stay." I can't believe he's saying this.

"Does Teddy know?"

"I spoke with her this morning; she has accepted the senior attending role." I couldn't believe Teddy would just roll over.

"Did she accept it or was this her only option?"

"You know I can't talk about the details." I was going to have to see Teddy straight away.

"So what do I do?"

"If you don't take the role then we will be looking for someone else. It would be cheaper." He smiled his trademark smile and I told him I would think about it. I have to speak to Teddy first. "Don't take too long."

I left his office and immediately called Teddy on my cell to find out where she was; I knew she wasn't scheduled for surgery until after lunch. I checked my watch to ensure I had enough time before I had to join rounds; I was probably cutting it a bit close but this was more important.

"Teddy."

"Just take the job Poppy."

"I don't want it."

"Don't be stupid; the board loved your proposal."

"That doesn't matter."

"Seriously Poppy; just go for it. You've got nothing to lose, plus now I can concentrate on surgeries and make the residents life hell without the paperwork." She laughed genuinely and now I had her blessing I felt slightly less guilty about taking the job. "The Stilwell case was the last straw for me; I need a break and this was about as well timed as it could be."

"As long as you're sure Teddy; I won't take it if you don't want me to have it."

"You have to take it." She looked at her pager. "And anyway this means I don't have to go to that heinous conference coming up." She ran off to sort out whatever she was needed for.

"You did this on purpose!" I shouted after her; she turned around and grinned.

Yang completed the surgery with minimal interruption from me; what they had been saying about her was right on the money. She had tremendous cardio skill. Though she seemed somewhat apprehensive about the patient being awake; necessary to ensure brain function throughout.

"Congrats on the promotion." Mark swanned into the scrub room after Yang had finished; he was in the OR next.

"Promotion?" Yang's ears had heard before damage control could be implemented.

"Please don't go telling absolutely everyone Yang." She left the scrub room and I knew she was heading straight to Owen then Meredith, or the other way around. But definitely those two.

Mark took the last few steps between us and gave me a congratulatory kiss on the lips. "Well done."

"Thanks."

"Derek got you then."

"Excuse me?" Please don't tell me that he had a hand in this.

"He said the board was interested in keeping you here." I hoped my face still looked happy.

"I think they might have just done that." His face lit up which made my face do the same. I hoped it meant that he was pleased to know that I was going to stay.

"You know you'll have to tell your other hospital."

"No I don't." I knew I had to, but I wasn't looking forward to the phone call I was going to have to make.

"Hospital whore." I hit his arm hard as he kissed me again. God I love kissing him. "You know you have to break up with them; just do it. Rip the band-aid off."

"Just rip it off."

"In one; straight off." If only life could be that easy.

"Have you called them yet?" Derek appeared beside me. All the department heads had been called to the conference room to confirm the arrangements for the conference we were all being shuttled off to.

"No; leave me alone." I turned my attentions from Mark and Owen to face Derek.

"Poppy; I keep getting calls from Dr Cuddy asking where you are. You're ignoring her."

"Maybe they'll think I've disappeared." I had been hoping that from the moment I left New Jersey that they thought I had died or something.

"You're not the sort of doctor they'll just let go. We're ready for negotiations." Aww he's sweet; but a liar, a bad liar.

"You make me sound like football player."

"Consider this your transfer period." I hate sports analogies. He left me with Owen and Mark to go to the front of the room and address us all. "As you know in a couple of days we are all going to the surgical conference; I wanted to ensure that you all are organised and prepared."

There was a burble of agreement amongst all of us in the room; I was looking forward to this. The American College of Surgeons Annual Clinical Congress was an excellent chance to try out new techniques and play with the new toys. It was also a chance to stock up on freebies; you needed a strong bag to hold all of the pens thrust at you. Though I think the economy might put a stop to that.

"We have a flight out of Sea-Tac International the night before. I've got your itineraries here." I wonder what Derek did with the hotel arrangements. "Is there anything else you would like to know?" No one asked anymore questions; we were more interested in getting back to work, and discovering what was in the programme.

"Lunch?"

"Food would be great." I was actually more interested in coffee; but food would make a nice change. Mark and I walked up to the cafeteria with the rest of the free department heads. I knew as soon as we sat down we would be discussing our upcoming field trip.

"What do you think?" Arizona was the first to speak.

"It looks good; the trauma section looks interesting for once." Owen agreed

"I hope I can catch up with Dr Stefan." He was cardiothoracic surgeon who I got to know during my internship.

"Who's that?" I didn't think Mark would recollect him; he faded into the background.

"Isn't that the same guy from our residency?" Will remembered him; but not for the best reasons.

"Yeah he was; he's in cardio too. I haven't seen him in years." We occupied the call room many times. "It'll be nice to see him; I think he's running a forum." I wasn't sure if I could see jealousy in Mark's face; I guess I would find out.


	24. Field Trip

"About time." I was exhausted by the time we eventually got to the hotel; with the four hour delay in Seattle and the disappearing luggage in Washington, it was almost midnight before we arrived. We all lined up behind the lone receptionist our voices pleading with lethargy for rooms and beds.

"Double room for Alden." I handed over my credit card to the young redhead and received two key cards in return. After swiping my card she handed it back and Mark hauled our bags to the elevator; even with the elevator empty we couldn't muster the energy to take advantage. At our floor we spilled out and went in search of our room; bleary eyed we poured through our door and hit the bed. I was surprised when I woke up to not still be in my clothes.

"Did you sleep at all?" Mark's frustration was voiced first.

"No; where did Derek find this hotel?" We had both been intermittently been woken up by a loud burst of music then unexplained thumping finished with silence. This happened all throughout the night; and at times we both took advantage of being awake at the same time. I could handle interrupted sleep; judging by how pale Mark looked, he couldn't.

"In the depths of hell." He threw his head into the pillow dramatically and I had to laugh at him.

"Come on it wasn't that bad." I got out of bed; only to be dragged back in by a hand encircling my wrist. I ended up lying directly on top of his naked chest; I absently played with the smattering of hairs under my fingers as we shared a morning kiss. I loved doing this in the morning.

"You're right; I didn't mind waking up to beautiful woman wanting sex. I will never complain about that." Another kiss and we left for the shower together; for speed of course. His hands knew my body well and the shower soon resembled last night in bed for both of us.

Once my hair was dry and my make-up was applied I quickly picked out an outfit for the day; it was a rare treat to spend my working day in something casual, neither scrubs nor skirts. I fished out a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a green camisole and a black fine knit cardigan; I was going to be comfortable today so I chose my Chanel ballet flats as well. As Mark was doing something with his hair I spent some more time rooting through my accessories and put a pair of small dangly earrings in. Picking up my bag I waited for Mark at the door; he appeared wearing a pair of dark jeans and a grey long sleeve tee shirt.

"Ready to spend our expense account?" Expense account was rather a grand term for a food allowance.

"Oh hell yes."

We walked to the elevator and were soon met by Arizona, Owen and Will discussing the noise from last night; at least we had something to do when we were woken up. But before we could join in and agree we heard someone having a huge one sided argument; muffled through a set of heavy double doors it was obvious he was on a phone.

"This is such a loud hotel." I muttered under my breath to myself to no one in particular.

Breakfast was uneventful but we all agreed about the loud residents in the hotel; and sleep deprivation led us into a conversation about how we could get rid of him, leaving no evidence behind. While tearing apart a croissant messily my phone was displaying a call from Lisa Cuddy; I let it continue to vibrate on the table until Derek gave me a look. I quickly switched the phone off and slipped it off into my bag. I was determined to relax.

But that wasn't to be this morning.

"Hi Lisa; it's Derek Shepherd, yes from Seattle Grace Mercy West." I shook my head at him violently and put up my hand, mouthing the word 'no' over and over. "I've got Poppy here for you." A phone was thrust into my hand and I couldn't escape now.

"Hello Lisa." I left the table; I might have to bend the truth somewhat.

"Poppy where have you been?"

"Recovering; it takes time."

"That's fine but I can't give you any more."

"I don't know what you want me to say Lisa, do I say I'm coming back or –"

"Coming back would be good; we would like the cardio department you promised."

"I said 'or' Lisa; I can't come back, I can't work with House." There was silence. "I won't work with him." I looked back over at the breakfast table; it was filled with every stage of my life, I had a lifetimes worth of friends sat right there. PPTH had two half friends and one of them tried to kill me and the other one ignored it.

"Are you handing in your notice?"

"Yes I am Lisa. Just send over the paperwork." I heard her sigh. "I know you won't give up House for me; even if I'm the best you'll ever have, you won't send him away."

"Okay." She hung up the phone on me; it didn't sound resolved by any means, I exhaled and spent the moment alone and full of relief and joy. If I wasn't in a room full of professionals a fist pump would be followed with some whoops. I handed Derek his phone back and could barely contain the smile on my face; know I wished I had made the call earlier.

"What did you do?" Will looked up from his yogurt.

"What?" I sat down in my seat

"I know that look; it means you've done something bad."

"It's not bad."

"Well you never make the right decision; so yeah, it's got to be bad."

"You can be such an ass some times." I threw a blueberry at him from the bowl Arizona was eating from. "If you think this is a bad decision I'll reverse it."

"Go on then." The dynamic of the table change; as if they all took a step back.

"You know you've ruined the moment now." I checked with him before I told everyone else. "I just handed my resignation at Princeton Plainsboro."

"Seriously?" Arizona swivelled around in her chair to look at me.

"Seriously." Derek looked happy with the decision and so did almost everyone else; I couldn't see Mark's face and I was apprehensive about that. So I focused on Will. "So Will; is this a bad decision?"

He got up out of his seat and walked around the table and hugged me from behind. "Thank you."

"You're such a girl." He returned to his seat and continued eating; completely ignoring his bizarre act of love. I had to look at Mark now; I hoped he had a happy face on or at least a relatively pleased one. I hope I didn't come off as me ignoring him.

Once we had finished breakfast we went to make our way into the convention hall. Mark hadn't said anything yet so I felt quite within my rights to bring it up. The whole group of us were making our way down the main hall into the room when I took a deep breath and pulled him aside.

"Are you alright?" I grabbed the crook of his elbow to slow him down.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well I told everyone I was staying in Seattle permanently and you said nothing."

"What was I supposed to say?"

"At the very least I would like to hear that you're happy I'm staying." I hoped his hesitation didn't mean that he thought this was a fling because I was feeling things about him. Things that people shouldn't feel about Mark Sloan. Well maybe; I don't know. I was feeling a lot of things for him. "You are happy right?" This could be a very awkward conference.

He raised his hands so they were holding my arms; reading his face was quickly becoming a second job. I tried to force positivity onto my face I didn't want him to see the doubt that was flooding my system.

"I love you."

"You love me?"

"I love you." His face cracked into a huge smile. Apparently he was feeling things about me that people shouldn't feel. I couldn't answer him straight away; I had to let the words settle for a moment so I could actually hear them. In the most unromantic place; an anonymous hallway, Mark Sloan told me he loved me. It was actually kind if perfect. I leant forward and kissed him to give myself a few more moments to collect my thoughts.

"I love you too." My heart swelled to the point of exploding. His lips touched mine for a moment; nothing too heavy, just a simple sweet kiss. My head was instantly filled with him; the scent of his cologne, the feel of his skin, the warmth of his body against mine.

"Mark, Poppy; come on." Derek came back through the double doors at the end of the hallway to hurry us up. He handed us our badges and waited until we clipped them on; it was starting to feel more and more like a school trip now.

"Sorry chief." We chorused innocently.

"Just put them on and behave; you're representing the hospital." And that was that; we were both literally holding our sides in hysterics.


	25. A Little Bit of History Repeating

I had just walked out into the fluorescent lights of the convention hall after a day of forums, panels and meetings and the first thing on my mind was coffee. I had planned to go straight into the technical hall and check out the gadgets on display.

I walked in what I thought was the right direction according to the map and the hanging directions but ended up with the pink and pastels, paeds. Damn it. In my haste to exit the area I bumped into the back of a very fabulous looking woman.

"I'm so sorry." I gushed.

"Don't worry about it." She picked up the pile of paper and brochures I had knocked out of her hand. "Poppy?" She asked both surprised and confused.

"Oh my god Addison!" We threw our hands around each other and hugged. "I haven't seen you in forever."

"I know, it's been too long; where are you based now?"

"Seattle Grace."

"Really?" She replied bemused. One beautifully manicured eyebrow rose; she knew what that meant.

"How about yourself?"

"Oceanside Wellness Group." She answered with a voice filled with pride.

"What on earth is that?" My voice was laced with disbelief. It sounded like the sort of place you would go for herbs and acupuncture.

"It's a medical co-op." A raised eyebrow encouraged her to tell me a little more. "We approach medicine holistically."

"Addie you're a surgeon, what are you doing?" I inquired; unsure what path she was taking now.

"Well with Mark and Derek and..." She trailed off, wondering if I knew what had happened.

"Don't worry I know all about it." I said to keep the conversation going.

"I needed a change, a break; I'm working with Naomi and Sam." Her tone lightened when she mentioned their names; we had all gotten to know each other during med school.

"From Columbia? No way." Addison nodded. "That's cool; I like working with people I know too." I like her hair shorter; it suited her new home. "California obviously agrees with you."

"It has; it's been a massive life change but who doesn't love the beach?" By the time we came to a natural break in the conversation the stands had begun to wind down. We didn't stop talking until we reached the hotel bar; but that was only to greet her old colleagues from Seattle. As she caught up with those she knew and those who had replaced her I caught up with Mark and his day.

"Someone in the forum actually referenced one of my surgeries." His voice burbling with excitement. They had apparently talked about his face transplant; very cool.

"That's awesome." My voice matched his. Great authors get referenced all of the time; we have to wait for a conference like this for that to happen. "I found Addison."

"I can see that." He kissed me in that absent way you do when you've been with someone for a while; but he just so happened to do it in front of his previous partner in crime.

"I was going to ask you what you've been up to Mark; but I think you've answered my question." Addison comprehended the situation with a knowing quality to her voice. I sidled away quietly with a smirk on my face to let them talk; I was tempted to slot myself into the group and listen in, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I ordered a drink for myself and looked around the bar to see if I recognised anyone; but apparently someone noticed me.

"Poppy?" I heard a familiar voice over my shoulder.

"Oh wow, Lloyd. How are you?" I hugged him before he ordered a drink. I hadn't managed to find out about what forum he was running.

"I'm good; you?" He was never one to give much away.

"Great; just read your paper in the Journal of Cardiothoracic Surgery actually. Front page, very nice." My sarcasm was intentional.

"What did you think?" He was trying to keep his voice neutral.

"I pretty much disagree with everything you said; but it's a nice picture." I did disagree with his whole approach to his clinical trial and the results weren't actually that ground breaking; he just picked a fancy sounding disease that affects children. Try and save a kid and you end up on the front page.

"That's all that matters." He was an arrogant guy now; if I didn't know him I would avoid him like the plague, he had definitely come out of his shell. "So what are you doing now; last I heard you and Will had gone to Iraq." He talked with his mouth full; a handful of peanuts in his left hand ready to follow.

"Yeah we're back and both working at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital now. Are you still at Mayo?" I asked.

"Of course; why would I leave such a prestigious institution?" Lloyd declared.

"You're a massive ass; Seattle Grace has an excellent surgical programme." I defended.

"It used to." He crossed his arms with satisfaction.

"The new ratings are out in a few weeks. I will call you when we go top." My determined voice corresponded with my body language.

"Isn't Derek Shepherd the new chief at Seattle?"

"He is; Mark Sloan is head of plastics too." I saved him from asking another question.

"The gruesome foursome is reunited again; I don't know why you lot split up your practise in the first place." That's a story for Derek to tell.

"Things change." I failed to keep the sigh out of my reply as I idly flicked through a booklet I had picked up earlier about further training for employees. I tried to remember what the salesperson said about the CTS courses as Derek gave me free reign to kick-start the department.

"Are you busy now?"

"No; do you want something?" I sipped at my whiskey as he decided what to say.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" Despite an attempt to keep his voice confident, his body failed him.

"Sure." I offered my help readily. We found ourselves a booth around the corner and I waited again for him to speak; he inanely chatted for a couple of minutes before actually getting to what he wanted to talk about.

"I need a consult on a patient." He regained a professional stance.

"What, Mayo Clinic isn't up to the job? Are you sure you want to go to a second rate hospital?" I reflected back his earlier comment.

"It's me." His reply was short and clipped. Sometimes I wish I had an off switch for my mouth.

"What's wrong?" I took the edge off my voice. I contemplated reaching over the table and holding his hand; but since residency we hardly spoke so that would be inappropriate.

"I don't know; that's why I need your help. I was hoping to bump into you here."

"You don't want your colleagues to know, do you?" I sank into my chair; pitying his situation. "Do you have anything here I could look at?"

"They would be after my job instantly if they caught a whiff of this. I've got everything with me." He tapped the bag at his side.

"Can I have a look?" I was intent on remaining positive until I was proved otherwise. The benefit of medical conferences was that you could whip out a CT or an MRI and no one really blinked an eye. Unless it looked interesting and people often jumped in with their opinion.

He pulled out his laptop and turned it on; as I waited for him to load up the scans my eyes travelled back to the bar and instinctively went in search of Mark; my god did he look good from a distance, even with his forehead furrowed. He caught me staring so I smiled back expecting one back or him to come over, but he just turned his back on me and continued talking with Addison. I was pleased with myself that the large neurotic part of my brain didn't jump to the alarm bells. Not that they had at any point really.

Lloyd spun the machine around so I could study them; he had also opened his notes, I quickly flicked through them first so I had an idea of what I was about to see. It was bad. As I studied his echocardiogram it got worse. He had a huge heart tumour. I didn't want to discuss this here. When he produced some non-digital scans I seized my opportunity to get out of the bar; citing the poor light.

"Is this better?" He asked as I held the films up to the light bulb.

"Yeah; the light's better." I tried to not sound distracted when I handed back his films.

"I'm getting the feeling that I'm not going to like my second opinion." He tried to brace himself.

"Lloyd." My voice was soft and unprofessional.

"Just tell me. I'm just a doctor and you're my consult." He demanded. I was about to hand a death sentence over; this tumour was incurable as far as we knew, words like 'palliative' would be used. It felt like there was lead weight bearing down on my skull; the pressure like a clamp on my brain. I took a breath and just said it.

"It does look like a primary cardiac carcinosarcoma." His first diagnosis was right. It was encroaching in on his left ventricle. "How long have you been having symptoms?"

"Not long." It was a highly aggressive. A top heart surgeon with an incurable heart tumour; today I felt helpless. "Thanks."

"I don't want to be thanked for this; I didn't want to have to tell you this." I forgot I was a doctor; his doctor, when I spoke.

"I know." He sighed quietly; resigned to his fate.

We had fallen into a silence I didn't know how to end it; even if I should, but I tried anyway. "I don't know what to say."

"I think I'm going to go." He had physically shrunken and it was heartbreaking to see; it became obvious that he had hope in his diagnosis being wrong and he had hope that I had a cure. I wanted to make him stay so we could devise a treatment plan; so we could give him the maximum amount of time. He packed his films away; literally carrying his mortality around him. Before he left the hallway I put my card into his hand and made sure he kept it.

"Please call me when you've decided what you want to do." I called after him as he walked away with his head held high; I admired his courage and hoped he got in contact with me when he felt able. Or anyone; I wanted him to seek out help from anyone qualified.

I returned to the bar and craned my neck around to find out where the Seattle Grace bunch had settled to; I found them noisily taking over a couple of tables. I took a calming inward breath and greeted the table cheerily.

"I'm going to go over here." Addison oh-so-subtly got up from her seat and left me and Mark alone.

"Who was that guy?" He inquired lightly; and trying not to come across as envious he took an evasive sip of his drink.

"Dr Lloyd Stefan; I told you about him at breakfast, he was asking me for some advice." I tried to keep my voice flat; not letting on what went on.

"Oh. Okay." He was disappointed with my explanation, so I offered him a little more.

"It was a consult on a case." I was still coming to terms with what just happened and I tried not be evasive without telling him everything. "Does that settle your curiosity?" He didn't reply and instead concentrated on his drink. "Were you jealous?" I asked coyly. It had been a long time since someone was felt jealously over me.

"No." He was failing to convince me.

"So watching me and another man in a dark corner talking about secret things..." I took advantage of the situation to up my mood so I employed a more seductive tone. I forced Lloyd out of my mind for the night.

"Stop it." His was making a valiant effort to remain defiant.

"So tell me the truth." I rested my hand on his leg.

"Of course I was jealous; you're gorgeous." He caved wonderfully. "You've got these long legs." His hidden hand by the table slowly slid up my thigh. "And this tiny waist." His hands rose further. "And these ridiculously perfect breasts." He was dignified enough not to go that far. "And then to top it off; an ass that won't quit." But he wasn't above a little light public spanking.

"You can't talk to me like that in public; your voice telling me how good I look makes me want to do things to you in public." I warned him across the glass strewn table.

"Maybe I should tell you about how your skin tastes." His lips being so dangerously close to my ear allowed his stubble to set my nerves alight. "How I love running my tongue over your –"

"Come with me." I whispered at him before taking him by the hand and leading him to anywhere we could be alone.

"Where are we going?" He wasn't really asking; I could hear the smile.

"Somewhere alone." I flashed him my green eyes to let him know; as if he had a doubt. He just turned me on in a few sentences; he knows what he can do with his voice. We tried to look inconspicuous searching for a place to be together; but it's hard in a hotel full of ever so helpful staff who keep asking you if you're lost.

"Maybe we should just ask them where the best place to fuck is." And then we found it; a small and insignificant cupboard ironically filled with pillows and sheets. I pulled him into the open cupboard straight onto my lips; I heard the door close behind us acting as the green light for the conclusion of what started in the bar.

He picked me up and pushed me against the shelves; my legs familiar with the situation circled his waist and enjoyed the friction. His arms supported me as we knocked bed sheets onto the floor; many, many bed sheets. As he kissed my neck I let out a small hiss of anticipation and I found a hand quickly covering my mouth.

"Shh." He put me back onto the floor; knocking a few pillows onto the floor as well. "I do not want to be caught." He unbuttoned my fly and took my jeans off; I kicked off my shoes and did the rest myself before doing the same to him. Wrapping me around his waist again we got to what we intended to do all day. He thrust deeply making an overly loud moan escape my lips; but I had my own way of making him moan, I shifted my weight and got him to moan louder.

"You're turn to be quiet." I smiled as I held my hand over his mouth as the door opened. The door opened. The door is open.

"Excuse me." Then whoever opened the door cleared his throat and closed it again.

Mark's reaction was priceless; he didn't skip a beat. He firmed up his grip on my legs and allowed my body to be filled by him; he looked into my eyes and kept looking into my eyes until the ecstasy he was causing made my head heavy. I closed my eyes to be in the darkness alone with this feeling; but he brought me out of it.

"Look at me." I moaned again and gasped as our eyes met. "Look at me." His voice lowered and it was sexy and masculine and it helped. It always helped. We came together; our bodies drenched in sweat, he still held my gaze. "I love you." He put me down and retrieved my jeans; I slipped them on and as I fixed the last button I finally felt the knot in my stomach. I hoped we weren't going to have to walk the gauntlet when we left the supply closet.

Once he had dressed himself he opened the door and in the yellow light of the hallway we were greeted by the hotel manger. "I do not expect doctors to act like this." I suddenly remembered the damn conference tags we still had on.

"Sorry." I could see him mentally taking our names. I hope he couldn't read the hospital name; I didn't want to be speaking to Derek about this. Hopefully a decent apology would solve this; but what do you say to a hotel manager who caught you having hot hot sex with your boyfriend in a cupboard?

"In a closet?" We were getting told off by the teacher. "You had to get caught." He shook his head and sat down on our bed. About half an hour after we had gotten back to our bedroom Derek knocked on our door, stony faced and sour lipped. "I've received an official complaint about you two; anything else and you're going to have to find another hotel."

"Sorry sir." Mark and I were stood next to each other facing Derek and when he said that I couldn't help but giggle.

"I don't want to have to deal with this; you're adults. And surgeons." He sighed and got onto his feet and left for the door. "Next time don't get caught." The door shut behind him but he was still talking as he walked down the hall. "That's why you have your own room!"

Mark laughed and began taking his clothes off; revealing his body, his unbelievable body. "Are you coming?" He entered the bathroom and I heard the sound of running water; running water not a shower.

"Yes." I called after him as he disappeared behind the door. I stripped myself fully this time; dropping my clothes into a pile on the foot of the bed, I walked into the bathroom to see him in the bath with the water dangerously close to the top. When I saw him he didn't say anything but his eyes widened enough to inflate my ego; I dipped my left leg in and his arm wrapped around it. He is a beautiful man.

"Can't we just empty a little bit?" Every breath rippled water over the edge. "I'm not having the hotel manager have us banned over a bath." I lay in his arms on his broad chest when I used my toe to drain some of the water out of the tub.

I felt him breathe in the scent of my hair as I lay back on him and I slipped further into heaven.


	26. Whiskey Sour

"I'm so coming back next year." I announced excitedly as I sipped on the glass of complimentary sparkling wine as I walked through the foyer. The conference ended with a dinner and dance fiasco on the last night; a final gathering fuelled by wine and steak. Taking the professional overtones of the night out of the equation a lot of wheeling and dealing went on here.

"It's been fun hasn't it? So many closets to choose from."

"Arizona!" We had both gotten ready together for the dinner, and she waited until we were in the presence of our peers before mentioning it. "So if Callie was here; you wouldn't have done the same thing?"

"You look nice; is that a new dress?"

"Ooh subtle." And it was a new dress; I had gone on a shopping trip specifically for everything, from the shoes up. It had taken my whole day off to find the perfect dress; I had played it safe with a black dress but it's floaty so the shortness of it didn't look slutty. Not that it would because it was only just above the knee. And it also the perfect amount of cleavage. The perfect dress. "You look pretty too."

"Thanks. Do you know where we're sat?" We walked into the dining hall and saw each table had a central place card with hospital logos on.

Spotting ours, the table half full already, we weaved through countless other tables. The room was bathed in a flattering soft yellow light; the golden hued chandeliers, hanging high above the tables, doing their job. The circular tables were draped in creamy white cloths, matching china dotted around in a regular pattern, silverware glinting in rows.

"Ladies." In an act I will probably never see again from a table of surgeons; they stood up in their tuxedos.

"Gentlemen." Arizona and I greeted them and sat down the same time they did. In this act of civility we all partook willingly, for once we didn't have patients' lives in our hands at that very moment. Teddy was obviously doing a crack job because the only pages I was receiving were to do with budget meetings and juicy gossip. Of course she was; she's been doing the job longer than I have.

"Hey; Mark." He arrived with several bottles of other things than wine; putting them on the table near us before kissing me. "Whiskey?"

"They were on an empty table." He bragged.

"Nice job; which hospital are we stealing from?" I asked cautiously.

"It doesn't matter; enjoy." He poured huge glasses for the occupants of the table and the bottles were gone. I knew he felt guilty, or that the table wasn't exactly deserted because he hid the bottles under our table. "Enjoy it." He picked up my drink and out it into my hand.

"Are you trying to get me drunk? Or are you trying to get rid of the evidence?" I inquired with a smile.

The evening started with messages from the organisers and sponsors, a couple of speeches and a few words about people who had passed away. It was pretty standard stuff that we all had to suffer through at every conference or charity dinner; it washes over us all old timers, it was a good time to spot the virgins. They have fresh faces, have barely taken a sip of their drink and listen attentively to every word.

I looked around the room to try and spot them but my eyes found a face I never wanted to see again. "Oh crap." I muttered.

"What?" Will looked up from the whiskey in his hand.

"Nothing. Well, I just saw someone."

"Who made you crap?" He asked loudly.

"Oh my god Will; did you drink in your room?" I could smell vodka seeping out of his pores.

"No. Yes. Yes I did. I drank the mini-bar." Will fumbled. His eyes were still focusing so he wasn't too far gone yet.

"Who did you see?" Mark cut in.

"You have my whiskey." His voice made chills leap down my spine; they pounded every vertebra hard.

"Who are you?" Mark ordered. I knew who it was; and they others might not; they might know him by name but probably not by sight. He had turned around to question him. Brave.

"This is Dr Gregory House." I answered for him. I felt Mark tense instantly in my hand. I didn't even turn around; Mark and Will knew what had happened to me.

"Tell me what happened." Mark's fingers waved over the scar below my left collarbone. We had spent hours of our day off in bed; naked, hot and together. "I know you don't want to."

"I do want to. I want to tell you. But I want you to know that I left it behind in New Jersey." I advised.

"I understand." We were at opposite ends of the bed and I didn't move because it made it easier not to see his face.

"House and I dated for a while." I heard him snort and shuffle uncomfortably; pulling the sheets awkwardly. "We had problems; he had some severe issues about intimacy and was emotionally stunted."

"I'm those things." He stated coolly.

"Ha! Not even close Mark. You're emotional and intimate in your own way; in a way that doesn't hurt." I took a few breaths and opened up my big old set of baggage. "He used to be addicted to Vicodin; but he did rehab and got off them, but he chose alcohol instead. He chose alcohol over me and I didn't see it. I'm a doctor and I couldn't diagnose alcoholism." I wanted Mark to say something reassuring but he didn't have the words. "I had my own problems off the back of Iraq and it clouded my judgement; it got to the point where he let a patient die."

"Hunt has scars; so does Teddy, and you know Will does too." He comforted me with well chosen words.

"After his drinking killed a three year old child I tackled him; I went to his apartment I poured away every drop of alcohol in there. But he came back and caught me doing it." I remembered the terror I felt. His team was on the verge of diagnosing the case but House had disappeared.

"What happened?" He gently pushed me. I didn't realise but I had stopped talking; I hadn't even broached this with my therapist yet. "Keep going." He grabbed my hand and didn't let go.

"He came at me from behind as I was getting rid of a bottle of whiskey. I remember the bottle; it had a red and blue label on it that had almost peeled off. I was shouting at him; telling him that I was saving him, but he didn't want to hear it so he struck me across the back of my head with his cane."

Mark's grip on me tightened. "Just keep going." He felt me try to sit up.

"It knocked me out and I woke up on the bathroom floor; he was sat in the bath tub drinking a new bottle. I got up and dragged him out and took the bottle out of his hand and smashed it on the floor. Then we fought; I can't remember what happened exactly but I can remember seeing a scalpel in his hand." His grip was so tight; I was struggling to keep the tears back. "And then I was on the floor with a scalpel in my chest."

"Oh Poppy." His two words of kindness broke the barrier that my tears were hiding behind. His voice was cracking so I knew I wasn't the only one.

"I wasn't found for three hours. He drugged me with a paralytic before he left. I don't know if he wanted me to die; I don't think he did, but he contained me. He wanted the control back." We lay in silence for hours holding each others' hands; not wanting to move for fear it would trigger a huge emotional response that neither of us could deal with.

"You're Dr House?" Derek asked incredulously, looking above me into his face; he knew the watered down version. "We've heard some interesting things about you." I had told Derek a few things; but not enough for him to question my mental capacity.

"Where's my whiskey?" He demanded. Hearing him talk about alcohol made me shake; but Mark kept holding my hand to calm me down.

"It's gone." Mark answered him through polite but gritted teeth. I jumped a little too high when House's hand appeared at my left side and went to take hold of my still full glass.

"No; this is mine." He was persistent.

"We'll replace it." Will stood up from the table and faced up to House. "No." Will's voice wobbled. "No." I turned around in time to see him leave. I had no idea as to what had just happened but I knew it was something to do with House; it always is. It was my turn to do something but my legs wouldn't allow me to face him so I went to find Will.

I found him in a bathroom stall in the men's' room. As doctors we're not that shocked to see the opposite sex in the bathroom; it's either for a crisis or sex. "Will; what's going on?" I hadn't seen what he had. I carefully tip toed across the tiles floor; I had peep-toes on and I wasn't about to risk my health.

"I saw him." A small voice floated over the cubicle.

"Saw who?" I matched his voice.

"Him; my brother." He squeezed the utterance out.

"Robert's here?" Oh no; my heart leapt out of my mouth, Will couldn't find out that I knew Robert. "With House?" Did he know? He had to, that's why he did this.

"I can't see him." He breathed.

"I know; what do you want me to do?" I offered. Their relationship disintegrated when the family split up; Will left with their father Rowan and Robert stayed with their mother. I knew that their mother had been an alcoholic and went into a psychosis before dying; and that their father died of lung cancer several years ago. Will found out when he was in Iraq; and it was especially hard on him because they were so close. A lot, if not all, of the animosity between them stemmed from the choices their parents made; Will definitely had the easier ride as Robert had to deal with the mother, but there was a lot of residual guilt left in him for leaving his brother behind.

"I can't see him." He pleaded.

"Okay; I don't mind hanging out in a men's bathroom."


	27. Chasing Medicine

"Where's Will?" Arizona asked once her champagne flute was empty.

"I put him to bed; too much to drink." I breathed. Although the others around the table laughed it off; Derek and Mark's faces told me they knew something else was up but respectively let it be. I knew where their table was now so I could remain aware of their movements; I would have liked to have gone to bed as well but I had obligations, and I couldn't say I was drunk.

"Can I have this dance?" Mark asked nervously. It was prom level cheesy but I fell for it; it made me wish for a corsage and a tacky white limo.

"I would be delighted." I answered brightly. I gave him my best prom response. I followed him to the dance floor the organisers had arranged in front of the stage; the music was generic but several other people had decided to do that same as us already. He took the lead and I lay my head on his shoulder facing his neck; the weight of the situation was monumental and far more than I wanted from a night that was supposed to be full of innuendoes and bad medical jokes. House, Will and Lloyd were too much.

"Are you okay?" Mark whispered in my ear.

"I think so; just don't leave me." I pleaded quietly.

"I won't." He promised reassuringly. He kissed the top of my head and I relished the chance to be out in public with him. We were doing adult things in a grown up situation. The song came to an end and I felt Mark being tapped on the shoulder; knowing it had to be House I straightened myself up ready for a fight, but it wasn't.

"Can I cut in?" It was the other Chase in my life. "I have a question to ask Dr Alden."

"Is it medical?" Mark cut in crisply; I like him in protective mode.

"Yes; it's medically related." He quipped.

"She's all yours then." He twirled me out of his grip and into Robert's.

"What do you want?" I requested. I kept my distance by using the dance student stance; arms straight.

"Did I see my brother?" His voice was searching as his eyes darted around to see if he had returned.

"That's not a medical issue." I stated flatly. I didn't really want to get personal with him.

"It could affect my blood pressure." I think comedic manipulation is genetic.

"Yes it was Will." I sighed.

"Do you know him?" I could tell he was shocked by my revelation. If I answer this I'm in deep and I have to tell Will. I will tell him.

"Your brother is my best friend." He dropped his hands and took a step back from me.

"Please tell me you're kidding." He choked.

"No; I've known him my whole life." I didn't have the inclination to sugar-coat anything.

"How did you manage that without knowing me?" The Chase boys have the same pouty face and egotistical tendencies.

"I can't do this Robert." I got to know Will at high school, and with Robert being younger I never naturally came across him. Will kept his home life close to his chest until we got to college; distance always helps. I left him on the dance floor and returned to the Seattle Grace table to the relative safety of Mark and Derek. I knew they could throw a decent right hook if necessary.

I couldn't relax for the rest of the night; it was only when Mark locked the door behind us I finally felt protected. "Feel better now?" He looked at me with a face full of concern.

"I." I pulled the zip down on the back of my dress and let the fabric float to the floor. "Feel." I kicked my shoes off. "Much." I crawled into bed and sat on my knees; Mark stood at the foot of the bed. "Better." I unhooked my bra with one hand and took it off with my other. Eyes focused on me; he joined me on the bed having already taken every scrap of clothing off already. Our bodies connect. Our night complete.


	28. House Call

I awoke in the middle of the night plastered in sweat; I was stuck to the bed frozen in fear from the lump of dread brewing in my stomach. I had to get out of bed but I was conscious about waking Mark up; after carefully extracting my body from the tangled sheets and his arms and I tip-toed out of the room. The kitchen was still shrouded in darkness; but loathe to turn any lights on I used the refrigerator to guide me around the room.

I tried everything I could think of and even resorted to warm milk; which I detest and when that didn't work I gathered up some running stuff and went outside to beat the awake out of me. I kept trying to shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach; I didn't know what it meant but I had enough life experience to know it wasn't good. The entire time I was running I was praying for a page that meant I could go into work instead; a surgery now would be excellent. But by the time I returned to the apartment I had no page; I had nothing else to do apart from get back into bed.

I flung my dirty clothes into the laundry and headed to the bathroom; I really wish we had a bath because I think a bath would chill me out. I know having a massive shower is brilliant for lots of dirty sex; but a bath right now –

"What are you doing?" His voice drifted lethargically through the apartment.

"Sorry; I was trying not to wake you up." I could see him blinking against the bathroom light. "I couldn't sleep." I apologised wholeheartedly.

"I don't think I can now." He tried to make his voice sound seductive but it was actually just tired.

"Please go to bed." Within seconds I heard his light snoring from the bedroom. I was glad because I did not want to be explaining this bad feeling; it was just a bad feeling that probably meant nothing. It's too early for crazy.

"I'm not on the board." I declared loudly. The OR schedule was a mess; the board was all over the place. "There are no cardio cases on the board?" I was stunned as I knew I had patients. I stood at the board hoping for divine inspiration when I was suddenly joined by some of the other department heads and attendings.

"Where are my surgeries?" Bailey questioned noisily beside me. I could see that there were general surgeries on the board with Bailey's name attached.

"You have surgeries; look." I pointed them out and she gave me a look.

"I can read; that's just not my patient." She replied dismissively. Someone had been messing with the board; the last time I saw a board like this was back in New Jersey. The bad feeling was right on the money.

"Who has been messing with the board?" Derek appeared.

"Who have you employed?" I'll just test my theory; right now I would love to be wrong.

"How did you know?" That lump of fear was amassing again.

"It's written all over the board; I only know one doctor who would do this." I snapped. I could actually just kill Derek right now.

"Good morning campers." A falsely bright and cheerily voice appeared. My theory was proven right.

"Derek; what have you done?" I hissed under my breath. House was here; in my hospital, he was here.

"Dr House; do you know what this is?" Derek asked lightly. I kept my back to him; currently my best and only defence, as he was questioned by our chief.

"An OR board if I'm not mistaken." Was the matter of fact answer he gave.

"I'm glad you understand; you are internal medicine, this is off limits." I was glad Derek was setting boundaries early on.

"But I have a surgeon on my staff." Oh no. He was talking as if it was no big deal; as if he worked here.

"He will be able to schedule surgeries through an appropriate department head or attending." I felt my face get hot; he had brought Robert with him, House had definitely looked through the hospital staff and seen a Chase already employed. "Let me take you to the patient." Derek was exuding confidence and control.

"No need; my team will go." They appeared behind him and went to follow their temporary chief; I could feel House get very close to me. "I have other things to be getting on with."

"Dr House; you are here at a patient's request, you will see the patient for the entirety of their stay at Seattle Grace." He took House away and I went to find a surgery I could scrub in on.

0o0

"House is here?" I scrubbed in on one of Mark's surgeries out of desperation.

"Apparently he's here because a patient requested him." I watched his exquisite suturing skills in action. "He's already messing with the OR schedule." I informed the room.

"Is that why you're here then?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Of course; this is essentially embroidery." Every area of surgery has a stereotype. Trauma surgeons are butchers; Ortho is carpentry; neuro is for the egomaniacs and cardio surgeons are jocks.

"I can send you out of my OR if I wanted." Mark tried to exude his power over me.

"Oh really? I see this as an excellent teaching opportunity." I saw him roll his eyes at my sarcasm as he continued to piece a severed finger back together.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" House buzzed over the intercom from the gallery. My head dipped with inevitability and then looked up at him; Mark jumped in first.

"Do what exactly, Dr House?" Mark didn't even look up as he demanded an answer.

"I wasn't talking to you Dr Sloan." Mark luckily had his back to House so I saw him roll his eyes at me.

"Do what House?" I gave in and asked; exasperated. I looked back up at him.

"Associate with a plastic surgeon." I could see the others in the OR look up into the gallery with interest. The gallery occupants were obviously enjoying the front row seats they had secured; I watched Derek appear behind House, instant relief. Although I am going to kill Derek later.

"Dr House this is highly inappropriate." And he knows inappropriate. I felt my forehead heat up because I knew how easily this could escalate beyond anything anyone here could imagine. And in a proper Harry Potter moment the scar below my collarbone seemed to ache.

"I believe inappropriate was the time when we –"

"House!" Three separate people for three separate reasons shouted above what he was about to say. Derek wanted him back with the patient; Mark probably didn't want to hear it and I didn't want anyone to hear it. Whatever it was.

I watched his body recede into the hallway and decided to leave; I wasn't really needed here and I was now the official elephant in the room. I made a credible excuse and backed out of the theatre and scrubbed out; Mark giving me several confused looks as I ran my hands under the water.

0o0

I remained in my dark navy scrubs and for once went to face my problems head on; I knew where the patient was as I had heard several interns whispering about the new doctor. The patient was a surgical concern but I had palmed the case over to Teddy; I explained it away as a serious clash of personalities. I grabbed my white coat and slung it on and marched off in the right direction; I would check up on my post-ops afterwards.

"Dr House can I speak to you please?" There were members of staff milling about so I kept my voice professional.

"Of course you can Dr Alden." His voice was extremely patronising in front of the room full of my colleagues. I didn't speak to him straight away; instead pulling him away from everyone I knew, this ended up with us on the catwalk.

"I just want to set some ground rules for while you're here." I started confidently.

"Rules?" He huffed.

"Yes; and I know you have a problem with them and all that, but this is my hospital, this is where I work and I can't have you messing this up." He started to limp off in an effort to ignore me. "What, do you think I can't catch you up?" I walked up beside him; not letting him get away with this. "You have to listen to me." My voice was determined.

"I don't think so." He continued to walk away from me; dismissing me entirely.

"It wasn't a request. I have to work here once you're gone; so no telling stories, no talking about me at all. For all intensive purposes we've never met." My phone started ringing but I ignored it; I needed to get this sorted. "Do you understand me House?"

"Understand what?" He was determined to make my life that little bit more difficult.

"Oh for god's sake. I'm asking you for one simple thing. Ignore me unless it's a dire medical situation." I really couldn't make it any simpler for him. "Can you do that one thing?" I waited for his answer. I would be waiting for a long time.


	29. Into the Dark

I used any free time to catch up on paperwork and dodging red tape; and I discovered my favourite place to do this was in an OR gallery. It was an ideal place to get some peace; remind myself what an OR looked like and catch up on all the gossip.

"Hey Callie." I greeted cheerily.

"Hey." She walked past the other empty seats in the second row and sat next to me.

I continued to write up my last surgery as Callie peered into the room below; it was just a routine procedure, nothing special, it seemed that everyone had free time.

"So what is going with you and Mark?" Callie sat back on the blue plastic chair and looked at me. "And don't say nothing; the place is rife with rumours." She eyed me expectantly.

"What rumours?" I was being sincere; I hadn't heard anything.

"That you and House are together; that you and House are McSexing it up, also you're following him back to New Jersey." I still hadn't found out what my McNickname was. "The list goes on."

"I bet House started them." Then I paused; that's why Mark was off with me, with House saying things like that and me spending more time at the hospital his mind must be exploding. "I'll speak to him." I left New Jersey in such a state that I didn't have the wherewithal to do anything about House; the only thing I was concerned about was leaving the whole damn area behind me.

***Flash Back***

I could feel the blood pool beneath my body; the warmth poured over my shoulder staining the tiles below. The familiar metallic tang burning my nostrils, hanging at the back of my throat; I barely managed to swallow the taste away before feeling a tear dilute the redness. My body was fighting and slowly regaining the strength to cooperate with my brain; I lay there in the darkness of a bathroom crying.

As my limbs came to life once more I considered the actions that lead me to be here; my life was such a mess, how did I get here? My life would have been so much simpler if I had staying in New York at the practise; instead of trying to estimate the number of pints I was swimming in, I would be drinking a cocktail or seeing a patient. I wish I avoided House; I wish I went straight into therapy; I wish I could say no; I wish I left tonight.

My legs jerked into action after hours of forced inactivity; I still couldn't sit up, but I could move enough to encourage a towel to fall off the rack. One arm was useful enough to wrap it around the wound; I waited again until I salvaged enough momentum to move with purpose. When that moment came it was joined with an eerie calm and clarity; it took a goddamn traumatic stabbing to make it happen but at least it did.

"I'm not letting you get away with this House." I muttered under my breath as I used the bathtub to drag my drowsy body upwards. After a couple of attempts I finally managed to perch on the cool white ceramic rim I examined the floor. The marled beige tiles that made up the floor were drowning in claret; he had everything that belonged to me, so why not my blood? He had ownership over everything I was proud of; he had my free-will, he changed my personality and he took my soul. I was broken and fragile after returning from my last tour; and with rounds of manipulation he grinded and chipped away until he had me.

My toes tensed and slipped in the liquid surrounding them; the warmth had long gone having seeped away. I should call someone; that would be the sensible thing to do. But who could I get to help me? There was no one here; Lisa wouldn't even be shocked and even less likely to do anything to House.

"He went to rehab; he's fixed, he admitted his problems." Was one variation of her insipid and rehearsed replies to my early pleas for her to notice the changes he was concealing. Wilson would be close to useless; cleaning up and then handing out tea and sympathy, as he called a meeting to share feelings and promises. I wanted to scream out for Will to deal with this; I was alone, sat in a bathroom surrounded with my blood. My blood. Mine.

I grasped the sink and pulled my body across to it; I stood on my own two feet for the first time all year, I yelped as I used the muscles currently being invaded by a sheath of stainless steel. I had a spare suture kit in my apartment; I could heal myself there. Under my own steam I used the mirror. Staring back at me was a person I couldn't recognise or fathom; the colour had drained away, drawn and lifeless. My eyes had faded from green to nondescript; a dull and empty non-colour, my hair limp and flat, my skin sallow and dry. But my pulse rumbled on; so I knew I was still alive, but I was dead.

I spied more towels; I could reclaim one thing before he could get his hands on it, I threw them over the mess. They soaked it up quickly; turning from their original cream to my colour, the deepest red. When they couldn't do anymore I shoved them into a trash bag I had retrieved once my feet were clean; once it had been absorbed I cleaned myself up properly, chucking my stained clothes away without a second thought. I rushed around the apartment to gather anything else that I actually owned; this was all about ownership now, every magazine I had left was reclaimed and thrown out. Before I left I had to take back what I physically could.

My hair was scraped back and I was wearing a change of clothes I had left here; when I was under the illusion it was a good idea. With the bags safely tied up I dragged them behind me with my uninjured right arm; they were weighty but I was determined to take everything with me, and as I neared the exit I began to panic. All I had to do was get to the garbage chute and into my apartment; if he was there I would let my instincts decide. In a small offering of luck the hall was empty; I struggled with the bags, but through sheer will they went down, now I was free to leave.

I turned my back on the last year of my life; not exactly with a smile on my face, but feeling relieved. I finally replied to a phone call I received a month ago; from a friend, from a friend I could trust.

***End***

That night still haunted me; the regret of not reporting it to the police, destroying the evidence and leaving that night. If something like that happened to me now; I would hope I had the strength to do all those things, and my first call would be the authorities. As long as I had a breath in my body; he would get the full force of me. And it looked like now was that time.

"I think you should." Her attention was suddenly taken from telling me off to the OR. "What's going on?" Her voice leapt up.

"What is he doing?" My voice was filled with disbelief. House had stormed in on Mark's surgery. I hoped it was just him; Will was in there as well and this situation did not need two brothers fighting on top of this.

"What are you doing?" Mark roared. "Get out of my OR!"

"I need this room now." I recognised that tone; no matter how agitated you could get, he used an infuriatingly calm voice.

"I'm in the middle of a skin graft." Mark cautioned; his jaw set tight. He was at a crucial point of the procedure; waiting for skin graft to take.

"Put the saran-wrap back on and move out plastics. I've got a real surgery to do." He spat. I put my head into my hands; this sucks.

"This is my OR; you have no say." Mark still had his scalpel in his hand. I wish I did; this would be over very quickly.

"As you keep saying; Chase get in here." I prayed for Will to ignore the comment and keep his head down.

"Yes?" He was so in tune with his part of the surgery he just reacted to his name. "What?" Will answered so innocently it broke my heart.

"Oh this is too good; you're the other Dr Chase." House was wearing a menacing smirk on his face and it pretty much got worse from then on.

It took Derek an age to finally get to the OR to sort this out; but before then they argued about everything, from their professions and eventually making their way onto me. We could still hear them in the gallery from the scrub room.

"I think you may need to speak to both of them." Callie was right.

House had picked the OR on purpose; there was another one free next door, he wanted the chance to mess with him. I could already see the tell-tale signs of House related diseases in Mark; he was suspicious of me, he believed House and was now letting it mess with his work. The worst part was when House got me involved; the three of us were in the corridor now, I was chasing Mark and House was bringing up the rear.

Mark was heading out of the hospital and I wanted to catch him before he disappeared; I saw him jog down the stairs at a considerable pace. I only managed to get to the top of the flight before House grabbed hold of me; I stopped in my tracks and turned around to disentangle myself from his grip.

"Let go of me House." I wrestled with him; but his strength stunned me, I tried to push him off but for some reason it didn't work. His face remained placid, calm, like what he was doing wasn't strange but normal. It was like a flashback from the night he attacked me; except this time this was in public, I could feel my heart race and my breath quicken. "Just let me go!" I begged.

"Let her go!" As I continued my attempt to free myself I heard Will's voice bellow down the hallway; and I could see Robert run alongside him.

I felt his grip loosen on me and I felt a moment's relief; but this wasn't echoed on the faces I glimpsed. Will's face was twisted, it was horror and fear knotted together, and I couldn't comprehend why he looked like that until I felt my body become weightless. It wasn't the liberating feeling I expected; the lightness dissipated and I was left, my arms outstretched, falling.

I didn't hear a sound until my spine connected with the first step; my head banged the metal hard and I couldn't stop. My eyes were closed but I knew my arms were thrashing about fighting to find anything to cling on to; the thud of my limp body resonated through my bones.

It stopped.

No noise.

Just darkness.


	30. Paralysed

My eyes sprang open for a second; the fluorescent light scorched my eyes. I found myself face down; cheek attached to the cool floor. As my body slowly reconnected with my head I realised that my legs had failed to do so. I blinked back a few panicky tears and forced myself into fight mode. "Don't move me." I choked out a small whisper.

"Oh thank god." I heard Mark's voice float about; elated.

"Don't move me." I kept repeating myself; trying to preserve my body."Don't move me. Don't move me."

"Hey. Hey; we need to examine you." As he calmed me my adrenalin dropped enough to let me know I had broken at least one arm and several ribs. But this wasn't what I was concerned about. "Get Torres and Shepherd."

"Mark." I squeezed out.

"Yes; what is it?" I could tell he was forcing the calmness on his voice; it wavered at the end.

"Get Owen." I needed his knowledge. I was fighting to make my voice heard.

"Lexie; get Hunt." He encouraged my eyes open; I knew he needed to check them for a brain bleed. "You've got to keep your eyes open for me." He was lying on the floor next to me; his eyes were as wide as they could go. "I'm so sorry."

That made my eyes water madly. "Not your fault." I barely uttered the words before the running feet of three surgeons approached.

"Mark; what's going on?" Derek's soft concerned voice started.

"She fell, or was pushed. Down the stairs." He answered; with a trembling voice.

"I need to get this arm x-rayed." Torres held her voice.

"Don't move me." I couldn't help but repeat my mantra. "Owen." His face moved into my eye line; I could still see Mark's feet.

"How are you doing?" He looked at me through concerned eyes.

"I have shrapnel in my spine; L4-5." I knew he had the knowledge to organise people with this injury. "My legs."

"Okay people; Torres and Shepherd we have a spinal injury. We need a board and stabilising equipment." They stayed but I heard them delegate the gathering to interns. I knew Derek would be the next person I would be talking to.

"Poppy; we're going to have to move you." He saw the alarm ring on my face. "You have to trust us." As Derek and his team began to move my useless body the same darkness as before closed in on me.

"She's crashing."


	31. A New Perspective

"You!" I bellowed angrily across the hospital foyer; it was a combination of hatred and desperation for revenge. The single word expressed in such a way brought the whole area to a standstill. There was already a commotion after watching her being wheeled off into surgery; now I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I took the stairs two at a time; reaching the top as quickly as...I can't think about that.

He was already on the move as I ascended the steps; but not quick enough in order to escape, he was never going to be quick enough. And with a heady mixture of guilt and vengeance coursing through my veins; I cornered the bastard up against the wall. Two sets of blue eyes fought with all the volume and furore of a violent battle; the steely blues of the surgeon winning over the ice blue of the diagnosticians.

"Mark he's not worth it." Will jumped in and tried to separate us before careers were ended on a well placed, and deserved, left hook to the face.

"You're right." I took a breath and stepped back; releasing my hands from House's collar. He had the gall to look pissed off as he rearranged his clothes. I tried to get my breathing under control; because I knew if I didn't he would be needing a great deal of hospital attention.

"I know I am." Will replied calmly. He helped steer me away from House; I couldn't get his face out of my head, it was sitting there and taunting me. Will's applied a serious amount of pressure through the arm he had wrapped around my shoulders; he was kindly trying to avoid the inevitable.

"He's not worth it." I repeated; but I couldn't avoid tensing up again with the thought of him escaping unhurt. The memory of Poppy telling me what happened that night could still bring tears to my eyes, and my heart would ache. And now the love of my life was being cut open by my best friend; open on the table, broken in two. The sheer volume of crap she had gone through was verging on the ridiculous; I knew the cops had been called and I could see security advancing, but that wasn't going to be enough. "But this will be."

By the time Will had clocked my intent my exquisitely skilled fist had reached House's face. I went knuckle deep into the stubble covered jaw; feeling the strike of bone as it gave way. House made no attempt to fight back; his jaw lay disconnected from his face as he hit the floor, he remained splayed out holding his face together. The other Chase boy stood near him; but kept a respectful distance so he could avoid eye contact with Will.

"You got away with it last time; you wore her down. You thought you broke her; you thought you could just have her." Two burly security men arrived; confused as to who they were supposed to detain. "Did you want her dead? Are you so twisted you can't tell good from bad?" Everything I had ever wanted to ask him spilled out of me.

With one hand still wrapped around his newly loosened jaw House stood up; using he free hand to find purchase on the wall to right himself, he was now facing me. I was breathing heavily; incensed at his general attitude, he was so lucky to spend that time with her. I should have been there; I could have saved her.

"She's an adult." With a careless comment House lit the torch paper within me; I wrapped my bruised hands around his neck, determined to wring the truth out of him. I considered pressing into his flesh until he had to beg to breath; like he did to Poppy, when she had to beg to live. I wanted him to know how she felt; but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I didn't want to give him an excuse. I freed him into the path of the uniformed guards; praying with every fibre of my being that justice would be served.

"And so are you!" I cried. "She was suffering and you just made sure it happened faster." I was too wrought with rage to cry; but that's what I wanted to do. With Poppy I saw the possibility of a great future; but the man stood in front of me was doing his best to extinguish it. A lump rose in my throat in reaction to the thought of losing it all; to losing her. My feet dashed in his direction; but I was hastily halted from behind by Will.

"The cops are here; let them take him." Will spoke softly to try and calm me down; but it hadn't taken affect yet, I was shaking uncontrollably with rage. I was fighting my whole body not to pummel his face into something unrecognisable. I shook it off and Will relaxed enough to let me go; he was quickly cornered by a cop asking for a statement. Once I had shrugged Will's grip off I had to leave before I did something stupid; the air was quickly becoming contaminated with everything House stood for.

My nostrils burned; my throat was raw; my eyes stung.

By the time I he reached the corridor outside OR one it was all I could do to slump down on to the floor. Using my hands to brace myself I slid down slowly until I couldn't get any lower, there was nothing lower than this. I hesitated for a moment on whether or not to enter the room behind me; just to stroke her hair the way she like it, just to let her know I was there. In the end I couldn't get myself off of the floor; just the thought of seeing her exposed like that breeched the floodgates. I buried myself into my hands.

The wooden double doors banged open without warning; revealing a familiar blonde haired man. "Have you heard anything?" Will jogged along until he reached my crumpled form.

"No." A small voice escaped my tear soaked lips. "I'm waiting for an update." Will decided to sit down as well; it was a complicated surgery and we would be waiting for a while.

"She'll be fine. She has to be; I mean; there isn't another option." Will babbled. "Is there?" There was an uneasy silence between us; both wanting to talk and say things out loud but both letting our thoughts pile up behind closed lips. It was only the appearance of a flustered Owen Hunt, his gloved hands were wrapped in a dark blue sterile cloth, that broke the stalemate. Thanks god his surgical gown was clean.

Hunt had the information that both of us wanted to hear; and he had to tell us with two pairs of desperate eyes fixed on him. He took a much needed breath and began to run off a list of vitals and stats he had left the OR with.

"She's doing well; her blood pressure dipped but it's holding steady now. Things are going as well could be expected." Owen looked down sympathetically at both of our stunned faces; we didn't resemble like surgeons anymore, they were the family. "I need to get back; we'll keep you updated." He leant on the door with his back; offering one last piece of comfort to us before returning to the OR. "She's fighting all the way."

"This is my fault. I was running away from her; if I had just stayed, if anything happens to her. I should have done something." My voice vanished to nothing as I spoke.

"Like what? If it wasn't this it would have been something else; he was intent on causing some sort of trouble." I saw Will wince at his remark; probably thinking he could have worded it better, but he was right House wouldn't have left until someone was hurt.

"I wish it had been something else. I wish it had been me; or that I had..." Will cut in; before I could continue my wishful thinking.

"Look; Mark. This is nobody's fault; apart from the man who waltzed in here with my...with my brother." Will stumbled over his words; seeing Robert again was the other thing he didn't need to happen today; the first being made to give a statement depicting the image of his best friend being pushed down a flight of stairs. "We can't let this divide us; we can't blame ourselves, no matter how much we want to."

"I could have killed him." I found his voice.

"You and me both."

0o0

"Mark; you have to get some sleep, or at least get some fresh air." Derek suggested in hushed tones as he slid the glass door open to the room. The ICU was a collection of beeps, whirs and ventilation machines, sleep was an impossibility. How could I sleep when she lay helpless; she was intubated, unconscious and connected to a heart monitor. The rhythmic bleep of her heart beat kept me going.

"I'm not leaving." I bit back harshly; I had been told this by everyone who had walked by and I was tired of the repetition. I knew they were trying to be kind; and I had said the same to patient's families before, but now I knew why they would resist. Why would you ever want to leave their bedside? "Sorry." I had to apologise to Derek; he had done so much for Poppy. "I can't leave."

"You're exhausted; you're no good to her like this." He wandered over and sat on the arm of the couch I was lying on. Derek was right; the only sleep I had managed was a few snatched minutes in between check-ups from interns, residents, attendings and nurses. I sat up a little straighter on the small couch and made and attempt to smooth out a disastrously wrinkled shirt. I hadn't been back to the apartment since it happened; I couldn't face sleeping alone.

"She just needs to wake up." I ran a hand down my face; it was rough with unkempt stubble, maybe Derek had a point. If Poppy was awake she would be calling me a tramp.

"She will; in her own time, it's not like she ever didn't anything the easy way." Derek reminded me gently; he was right again, from the moment I met her she always did things her own way. I found it endearing.

"You're right; but this time I want it to be easy for her." I looked at her again; her face seemed peaceful, if it wasn't for the ICU paraphernalia she could simply be asleep.

"Take this; go get yourself a drink and stretch your legs." He handed over a pile of clean clothes that Callie must have brought in. "Don't argue with me." Derek was determined to get me out of this room; I had made him do the same when Meredith was in the same position. "Take ten minutes."

"Can you stay with her?" I took the freshly laundered clothes off of him; the scent instantly reminding me of lazy mornings in bed. Waking up late with a beautiful girl in my arms; being swathed in clean sheets as the sun rose in the sky, that was perfection. But that perfect image was skewed and lost amongst the tubes and cables.

"Of course." Derek said reassuringly. "I'll be here the whole time."

I unwillingly left the room after some more persuasion; my feet resisting every step towards the nearest room where I could shut the door behind me. This was all my fault.


	32. Morphine Rocks

The room was so bright to begin with. I opened one eye slowly to discover my location; the beeping helped me out. At least I was alive. After coaxing my eyes to remain open I looked down my body to determine what was left of me; one broken arm for sure, in a primary cast. My right arm tentatively moved along my chest then down my ribcage; I definitely had a couple of broken ribs.

"You're awake." One of the neuro nurses walked in and spoke softly to me.

"Mmm." I then realised that my throat was filled with a tube; the nurse left the room quickly to find a doctor to remove it.

"Just cough as I take it out." I did as Derek asked as he pulled the tube out; the feeling was very odd, I had never been intubated before. With the tube out I flexed my neck a little; it was very stiff, and the first thing I did was look around the room.

"He's just gone to stretch his legs; he hasn't left your side." Derek informed me quietly and I couldn't hide the smile from my face. I thought I had lost it all. "How are you feeling?" He picked up my chart and flipped it open.

"Sore." My throat was going to ache for a while.

"Falling down the stairs will do that to you." He smiled nervously as I gave a raspy laugh.

"I guess it will." My voice was quiet and hoarse. "Does Meredith make you happy?"

"She does." The thought tugged at the corners of his mouth pleasantly.

"I'm glad. You deserve someone like that." I was high.

"Thanks." He moved around my bed checking things.

"No you do; it doesn't matter if it's a post-it, you're married. You're really really really married." My words were slurred.

"And you're high." Morphine rocks. I reached for the cup of ice chips Derek was handing me. I savoured the cool liquid and the lack of a neck brace. The water helped soothe my raw throat.

"Derek." I mock whined.

"Yes?" He turned to face me with a friendly smile.

"I'm glad you met Meredith." After finishing taking my stats he stood aside as Mark re-entered my room; leaving soon afterwards to give us some privacy. Mark dumped the clothes he was holding onto the green sofa; and in a fluid motion he got to the side of my bed and gently sat down next to me, carefully avoiding casts, cables and tubes. He ran his hand down my face before planting a sweet kiss on my lips; it felt so good it was unimaginable. I had almost forgotten about my legs.

He saw my eyes lock onto my toes. "Can you move them?" He asked anxiously.

"I don't want to try; what happens if I can't move them." Panic began to squeeze my throat.

"Derek said it was successful; just try." He moved to the foot of the hospital bed and lifted the sheets up.

"Are they moving?" I was trying to wiggle my toes; but I couldn't feel them properly due the copious amounts of painkillers I was currently on. "Mark; please tell me my legs work." I begged him to reveal my future.

"They work." He rubbed my feet for a moment with a wide smile on his face before we were joined by Derek again and a large group of residents, along with Callie. I spied Mark rubbing his eyes as he sat back down on the sofa in the room.

"How are we feeling?" Service with a smile from my favourite lady.

"Like I fell down a flight of stairs on my head." Callie laughed first and the residents followed.

"Who's presenting?" Derek offered the floor up to whoever was holding my chart; Lexie Grey signalled herself and began to give the room a rundown of my medical status.

"Dr Poppy Alden..." Lexie began confidently.

"Let me stop you there Dr Grey; I'm a patient, let's ignore the doctor bit." I waved the formalities away so she could continue.

"Okay. Poppy Alden; one day post-op from a midline durotomy. Some post-operative pain; manageable with IV morphine." I was intent on being a good patient and letting the others do the work for once; I was again relying on Teddy to look after the department.

"Thank you Dr Grey; how's your arm?" Callie continued the assessment.

"Can't feel anything; in the good way, morphine is doing its job." My voice was still wobbly from the painkillers.

"Great; we'll get you set up with a permanent cast in a couple of days." The residents left the room with Callie; leaving three of us behind, Derek waited for the door to close before speaking again. "I want you to try and move your feet for me; I was sure you didn't want an audience for this."

I tried a bit harder this time and asked both of my feet to move; I gently bent my toes to begin with and then flexed my ankles. "How about that?" I was so pleased it was a success.

"That's great." He continued checking the length of my legs to monitor the function. "This is a good start; but I need to ask why you didn't mention this before." He pouted.

"The shrapnel?" Both Derek and Mark nodded. "It was only a fragment and it was stable; there was no need." I shrugged.

"Of course there was." Derek was playing doctor superbly and crossed his arms.

"I didn't expect to be thrown down a flight of stairs." I defended.

"You run; that's high impact, it could have shifted then." Mark had his arms crossed as well. "I can't believe I didn't realise." He frowned.

"Mark; it looks like nothing." I lifted my right hand and held onto him. There was an insignificant scar on my lower back which was obscured by my tattoo. I wonder how it looked now.

"Is there anything else we should know about; any scaffolding?" He huffed asking about plates and screws.

"There's nothing else; I promise." I threw a mock scout salute at them both.


	33. Happy Friday

We were having lunch together in back at the apartment; I was still recovering, but trusted enough to finish doing it at home. I spent my day shuffling about eating bad food and watching trashy daytime television; interspersed with moderately important research. Soap operas were strangely hypnotising; I was absorbed as soon as I realised that he was her father's secret love-child who she was falling in love with. I always looked forward to lunchtime; the sound of the key opening the door always made my heart flutter.

He had joined me on the bed; sitting on the edge near the door as he passed over a clear plastic carton filled with salad. He dropped the empty brown paper bag to the floor and kicked his shoes off; carefully balancing his lunch in one hand he shuffled next to me.

"Happy Friday." His lips got better the more I knew them. "How you feeling?" The warmth spread through me.

"Good; I haven't had to take any painkillers today." I was still a little stiff; but I've felt worse after a heavy gym session. "How was your surgery?" I tried to listen to him; but weeks and weeks and weeks of forced bed rest had made me lose my mind.

"Are you even listening to me?" He grinned as he caught my vacant stare.

"I'm going to be honest and say no. I can't stop thinking about you naked." I was pleading for relief; but I knew he wasn't going to help me out until I got the all clear. Maybe I could move the appointment up?

"I'm going to be a gentleman and restrain myself." He replied politely and I huffed. He wasn't helping. He returned to his food a little smug; with the knowledge I was not beyond begging for him.

We fell into a silence because we still hadn't talked about what had happened; we usually spoke about everything, told each other hidden secrets, expressed our deepest desires. But this terrible thing happened and we were avoiding the issue completely; and the tension was mounting.

"We're going to have to talk about this." I reported flatly; keeping my eyes straight ahead.

"I know." He replied similarly; but got the conversation started. "Do you remember anything?" Mark tried to act nonchalant; but his eyes gave him away. I suffered a touch of concussion and was fuzzy about some of the details; but I used it as a way of avoiding this discussion.

"Sort of; yes." I noisily savoured a spoonful from my second pot of chocolate pudding of the day. "All I can remember is hitting my head and waking up to you." I placed the spoon down onto the empty carton and rested my head on the headboard. "It's the moment I fell; I'm always falling. Around him I'm always falling." I was so disappointed in myself; yet again I let House get close to me and I ended up with a scar.

"He's gone now; he won't touch you again." He hooked an arm over my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. "I should have done something."

"This wasn't your fault." I implored. I didn't even consider that he had anything to do with it; I would have reacted the same way in his position.

"Who else can you blame? You must blame me." He sounded so guilty and it annoyed me that I let my past effect my future. My handsome; kind and smart future.

"How about the person who actually let it happen?" If I had gotten to the argument sooner; then I wouldn't have been anywhere near the flight of stairs, then Mark wouldn't have felt the need to leave. "If I did something back in New Jersey; he never would have been here..." I trailed off.

"I hate it when Will's right." He whispered in my ear with a smile. "We're blaming ourselves; but...I left because I couldn't be around him anymore, he's a disease." He shifted his body so we were both lying on our sides. "How you lasted a year with him I literally have no idea."

"I was damaged; you need to have something wrong with you to be around him." I could feel both of us relax into each other; the build up of tension escape out of the room, I was determined for it to remain out there. "And back then; I was thrown back into a country I couldn't comprehend as I person I didn't recognise."

"How do you feel now?" He asked; concerned.

"Like you glued me back together." I breathed a sigh of relief. "With you behind me and finally giving that statement; I feel free." I gently climbed onto his lap; with no ulterior motive, I just wanted to be closer to him. And giving the statement to the police was such a huge weight off of my shoulders; I told them everything I could think of, Seattle and New Jersey. Nothing could be done about the latter; but I told them anyway.

I could still remember the sergeant's face as I told him all of this; I spilled my guts as a continuous stream of rapid-fire words, he barely had time to look up and raise his eyebrow at me. I even managed to force a smile onto my face when he rubbed a tortured wrist.

With my head resting on his unfortunately clothed chest I giggled and he proudly declared. "I punched him."

"How hard?" I sat up to meet his eyes.

"Dislocated his jaw." A cheeky grin washed over his face.

"I would have paid to see that." I leant in with a congratulatory kiss. "Thank you my knight in shining armour."


	34. Knock on Wood

"Here's to Derek, Callie and Owen for cutting me open!" I cheered as I raised my glass at the three of them; we clinked and drank. I had organised the get together once I returned to work; all the drinks were on me tonight, it was the least I could do. And what made my first day back even sweeter was the phone call I received from the cops telling me that House had been charged.

Derek obviously operated on my spine, Callie pinned my arm and Owen helped them both. I was fully healed now and back in the OR, and it felt like an age; I had Teddy hand over the department to me a couple days after the surgery. I was fully caught up with all of the paperwork now and my clinical trial had moved up a gear; the extra time I had off allowed me to revel in hours of research.

The four of us surrounded a table in Joe's waiting for the others to join us; Mark was in surgery with Cristina and Meredith was on Arizona's service. They slowly trickled in along with the usual suspects and the table slowly filled up with empty glass and bottles; I went up to the bar again with as many empties as I could carry. I felt sorry for Joe having to keep clearing up after us.

"Why did you get a karaoke machine Joe?" I had never had a good experience with one of them; always too much alcohol and never enough dignity.

"Are you asking to have a go?" He goaded.

"No! Oh no; you wouldn't want that to happen." I warned as I ordered the drinks for the table and waited for Joe to fill up the large black tray. I was amazed at how Joe could remember my entire order without asking for it to be repeated; I watched him grab glasses and pop the caps off of bottle as the music started.

I sort of recognised the music; the trumpets reminded of the sort of ska music I used to listen to back in New York, then it all clicked into place when I heard the melody start and a voice sing the opening line.

"_Have you ever been close to tragedy, or been so close to folks who have?_" I spun around with my drink already in my hand; Will was singing our song. He clocked my shocked and smiling face; pointed at me and continued to sing. "_Have you ever felt a pain so powerful, so heavy you collapse?"_

"Oh my god Will!" I shouted and I barely had the time to comprehend the situation before I was dragged to the tiny platform, with a microphone thrust into my hands. He continued into the chorus without me, I had to drink a little more to stop myself from laughing.

"_I've never had to knock on wood, _

_But I know someone who has,_

_Which makes me wonder if I could? _

_It makes me wonder if,_

_I've never had to knock on wood,_

_And I'm glad I haven't yet,_

_Because I'm sure it isn't good,_

_That's the impression that I get."_

I joined in about halfway through when I got over the laughing and dignity loss; we sang this song far too much, Will was a sucker for karaoke. Well; it wasn't just us, Mark and Derek always joined in because we always sang this song together. In bars; on the sidewalk; in our apartment.

"_Have you ever had the odds stacked so high,_

_You need a strength most don't possess?_

_Or has it ever come down to do or die,_

_You've got to rise above the rest?"_

I turned around to see Mark singing as well; that meant only one person was missing and I was definitely going to get him. I hopped off of the stage with the microphone still in my hand; with my hand outstretched I clamped onto Derek's. His eyes widened in terror and tried to utter something about not dancing in public. Since when? At med school it was all we could do to drag him off the bar at closing time.

We made it through another chorus; it was hard to call it singing now because the four of us together really was just noise, loud yelling noise.

"_I'm not a coward,_

_I've just never been tested_

_I'd like to think that if I was,_

_I would pass_

_Look at the tested and think there but for the grace go_

_I might be a coward,_

_I'm afraid of what I might find out."_

I had my back to Mark; but I was enjoying the free hand he had on my hip swaying with the music. I had to keep Derek moving; but as soon as Will noticed he took Derek on, they were sharing a microphone and dancing about.

"_I've never had to knock on wood, _

_But I know someone who has,_

_Which makes me wonder if I could? _

_It makes me wonder if,_

_I've never had to knock on wood,_

_And I'm glad I haven't yet,_

_Because I'm sure it isn't good,_

_That's the impression that I get."_

We finished on a high note and it earned us an appreciative round of applause from the bar; the clapping brought us out of cliquey trance. We were stood around looking at each other; for the briefest second we were back in our apartment swigging the cheapest tequila from the bottle. Back to reality we fell about laughing and returned to our seats; congratulatory beers all around.

"You sing?" Lexie sipped her clear drink through a red straw as she discovered a few more things about Will. They had gotten really serious of late; I think Will was about to ask her to move in.

"You dance?" Meredith returned to the table with more drinks. "Since when do you dance in public?"

"She made me." He tried to sound defeatist.

"Don't you dare bring me into it." I leaned across Derek. "We once had to drag him off a table." I turned back to Derek. "Remember that club; with the, what was it called."

"You don't need to remember that." Derek was trying to shift focus.

"Coogans, that's it!" I shrieked.

"Oh my god; I remember! Oh Derek you were in such a mess!" Will was rocking about laughing with me. "It had all those neon lights everywhere." It was a tired remnant from the eighties.

"We spent far too much time there." Mark had finally cottoned on.

"No; you two spent far too much time there." Derek finally had a comeback; albeit a bit of a limp one, and pointed at me and Mark.

"Yeah; but we still came top of our class." I actually came top; but we were always the ones to beat. I can still recall the moment when they pinned the sheet to the board. Practically the whole class was hanging around the large cork board outside the office; the admin staff had tried to shoo us away but to no avail, med students are the most competitive people you'll ever meet. Well; until we were interns, then residents, it never really stops.

"Show off." Mark nudged me with a smile and I got off of my high horse; I've got to keep these men in check somehow. And it was only by a point.

[A/N: I do not own the song used in this chapter, _Mighty Mighty Bosstones "The Impression That I Get"_]


	35. Sloan

"Where are you off to?" Mark called after me as I pressed for an elevator.

"Clinic." I replied mechanically; I still had my head buried in another medical journal as he approached.

"I've got some free time; do you mind if I join you?" He inquired hopefully.

"Feel free." We both got in and I pressed the button for our floor. "Sorry; Derek's riding my ass, he keeps giving me these massive hoops to jump through." I sighed.

"About your clinical trial?" He sipped his intern bought bone dry cappuccino; I wish I had the balls to demand that of mine. I almost did once; but in the end I ended up buying them all coffee.

"Yeah; I think it's a funding issue, but he's making sure everything is double, triple checked. It's just slowing everything down. Can I have a sip of that?" He handed over his cup.

"He had a rough clinical trial that almost ended him; I think he's trying to stop that happening to you." He gently informed me.

"That's nice of him; but he needs to say that instead of making me feel inadequate."

"Do you want me to kick his ass?" He kissed the back of my neck; it was unexpected and wonderful, mainly because of the gasp it created, but a little down to the fact I could feel it.

"You don't need to; you've defended my honour far too much."

"That's never going to stop; it come with the package." My lips began to curl into a smirk. "Stop it with the dirty." I handed back his empty coffee cup and exited the elevator. "You owe me one."

"Go get one of your minions to do your bidding."

I turned back to shoot Mark a smile as the doors closed on him; I can't believe I got to do that, it was deliciously cliché. And considering how all the clichés I had experienced before were the sucky ones; the blind dates that don't turn up, being dumped for a younger woman, falling for the guy who doesn't love you back. It was nice to do one that made my day, rather than the one that ruins my week.

"I'm glad you're here; we have a situation." My head dipped in anticipation of a difficult patient.

"And what would that be?" I asked tersely.

"I can't deal with her; Miss Riley I mean." Dr Mostow drew back the curtain on a very cute blonde. "Or she won't let me." The nerves in his voice were highly apparent.

"Okay Dr Mostow; I'll take it from here." I took a pair of latex gloves from the box and snapped them on. "How can I help you?" I regained my composure.

"I've got a rash." That's my least favourite word to start an exam with. "And it hurts when I pee." This is karma. I can't just have a good day.

"Would you like to follow me to an exam room, Miss Riley, and I'll take a look." Judging by the top she was wearing and how much of her midriff was showing; I had a pretty good idea what I was in for. And I was right. I took a swab for the lab to test; but I told her what I thought anyway. As I spoke and packaged the sample she got off of the table and began to redress herself. "I need to get this tested but I think you have Chlamydia."

"You think?" I was getting attitude from a teenager.

"I know; have you been having unprotected sex?" I kept my voice neutral to avoid a confrontation.

"No; I know what happens. I used a condom." She was indignant.

"Sometimes they don't protect you from everything." I peeled the gloves off and disposed of them.

"You've got to be kidding!" She gathered up her horrendous furry jacket and shiny silver bag and left the exam room. I followed her out and handed the sample over to an intern.

"You need a prescription." I stated.

"Can I have it now?" She held out her hands expectantly.

"I would really rather wait for the results."

"I would really rather not."

"Excuse me; I don't know what your problem is but you got yourself into the situation, I'm helping you out." I channelled my inner Bailey.

"How dare you talk to me like that!" I had kept my voice low; but hers pierced through the clinic noise.

"Please can you keep your voice down?" I tried to shut her up politely; but I was getting seriously annoyed with the way she as talking to me.

"No I won't!" She practically screamed as she left the clinic; I returned to the rest of my patients knowing that she would have to return at some point for her meds. My first patient had given me a massive headache that lasted for the rest of my time down here.

"Thanks for your help today Poppy."

"No problem Miranda; anytime." It had taken many, many hours to win Miranda around but once I realised the clinic was her baby I knew how to do it. "It's a great idea; but who's Denny Duquette?"

"He was a patient at this hospital; and he left one of our surgeons a sum of money in his will. She decided to build this." She kept her eyes centred on the file in front of her.

"Wow; okay, that's awesome." The surgeons here are a different breed to most.

"You rang Miranda?" Will was using his sing-song voice.

"Yes Dr Chase; I've got a patient here I want you to see." I was glad House had left; Will could look me in the eye without sending death rays at me. "Thanks Dr Alden." They both headed for a sickly looking boy and his mother.

I wandered off towards my office; making sure I took the path that went past the good coffee cart. I paid for my cappuccino and continued walking; not looking forward to the stack of paperwork I had to do before I left for the day.

"That's her." I recognised the voice as the screechy blonde from the clinic I had already written the prescription, Chlamydia confirmed. I pulled my prescription pad out of my jacket and ripped the slip off in anticipation. I turned on my heel and began to walk towards her voice; but she wasn't alone, for some reason she had Mark Sloan following her. "She insulted me."

"Excuse me?" I was confused. The slip of paper was still floating about in my hand.

"Is this true?" Mark interjected.

"I'm sorry if you felt that I did Miss Riley." I was trying to backtrack subtly.

"It's Sloan." She crossed her arms.

"Your name is Sloan?" I couldn't believe it.

"Yes; do you have a problem with that as well?" She stuck her hands on her hips and pouted.

"I only had a problem with your attitude." They do kind of look similar; no the crazy can't come out to play. "Here's your prescription; follow the instructions on the bottle and take the whole course." I could see Mark reading the prescription over her shoulder.

"Doxycycline? You have Chlamydia?" Oh god that's his daughter. They way he looked at her was endearing; even if he was telling her off in front of everyone.

"You two, in here." I shuffled them away from everyone and into an empty conference room. I failed to escape. "This is not something you want to do out there."

"I can't believe you've been so irresponsible!" He put on a believable dad voice.

"Mark; I..." She defended.

"I don't want to hear it; you should know better." They were fighting either side of the large wooden table. "I can't believe it!" He exclaimed.

"It wasn't like that." I could see the exasperation in her face.

"You can't carry on acting the way you did." He pointed a fatherly finger at her and she was trying to get her point across; I felt kind of sorry for her. "You're supposed to be an adult."

"I am. It wasn't my fault!" She cried.

"You can't keep making excuses like that."

"Let me explain."

"No; because I know what you're going to say." He dismissed her.

"You don't!" Sloan; or Riley, or whatever, was still trying to get her point across.

"Mark; apart from the terrible attitude problem, she was actually pretty responsible." I tried to temper the situation.

"Don't get involved; you're just her doctor." He was upset with me because this was his daughter.

"Call it advocating for my patient; her only mistake was sleeping with a guy with crotch rot." Her face dropped and I saw Mark look relieved; fatherhood suited him.

"Is this true?" His voice softened as he let his daughter speak finally.

"Yes. He was this guy..." She started.

"I don't need to hear that." Mark walked the distance between then and gave her a paternal hug; she left the room happy with money for food and instructions to wait for him later. Mark went to follow her out but I held him back to talk; I needed to send Mark to House rehab.

"She looks like you." I tried to let him know gently that I knew.

"Thanks for this."

"It's genetic; it's meant to happen." He has excellent genes.

"No; thanks for sorting us out, I'm still getting used to the dad thing."

"By now; most dads have years of practise, you're actually doing pretty well." I adjusted his white coat so it sat properly on his body; holding onto his collar I looked into his eyes. "I think being a dad suits you." He smiled at being called a dad; it's a shame he didn't actually get to do the best bit.

"I'll see you later." A quick kiss on the cheek and he was gone. He doesn't think I'll be a good mom.


	36. Singing in the Rain

The day had finally come to an end; I filed away the last of my paper work, and gathered what needed to be posted tomorrow in my out tray. The majority of it tonight was forms for my clinical trial that I was trying to get off the ground; Derek was still on at me to get things near perfect, I knew he was getting me to be thorough but it wasn't what I needed right now. Meredith had let me in on a few details that explained why he was fighting me a little harder than I expected; his last clinical trial sent him to the edge. With what I had been through I put his resistance down to him looking out for me; which I would be eternally grateful for, but that wouldn't save lives. I slung the papers into my out tray untidily; today had been an odd one, and I couldn't stop thinking about Mark's omission.

I changed out of my scrubs at long last and put my civilian clothes back on; I pulled a brush through my hair and swept it up, touched up my make-up and did a final check in the mirror. With my blue wool coat on and my leather bag in my hand I locked my office up and departed. And this being the one day I left my umbrella at home it had to be raining; I rifled through my bag to find a magazine or something as a substitute to no avail. My head bowed as I exhaled an annoyed sigh; I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed.

"I think being a mom will suit you too." Mark was stood outside under the glass canopy; apparently waiting for me. He had to raise his voice against the downpour; but even with this obstacle his tone was kind, his features softened with a smile.

He had my umbrella in his left hand.

"Thanks; no one...um...no one's ever told me that before." I admitted cautiously as I walked up to where he was standing.

"Seriously?" He sounded really surprised.

"I thought you might have earlier." Why did I say that? Mark unplugged the crazy in me. I was so tired.

His mouth cracked into a smile. "I wanted to; I really wanted to. It means something if I say it to you. It means something and I wanted to say it without you thinking I was forced to." He held both of my hands in his. "This isn't just a reaction; you're kind and thoughtful, you're protective and beautiful."

"Beautiful is a good attribute for a mother?" I raised my eyebrow; interested in his explanation.

"Cute kids are a necessity. I couldn't stand ugly kids." Now; whose kids was he talking about? Ours? His?

"Me neither." Non-committal was a good choice on my part. "I love the rain." I panicked.

"No one likes the rain in Seattle." He chuckled.

"I do; I've wanted to run about in it ever since I got here. Just jump head first into it without thinking." I had spent hours thinking about me and Mark and whether it was a good idea; I know now that it was. I stood at the watershed; between dry and wet, safe and scary, alone and committed. It was silly but if I could stand out in the rain and enjoy it I knew I could just let myself go and commit everything to Mark.

I dropped my bag and the textbooks I had been towing behind me for weeks and took my coat off. I took the step alone and for a moment it felt like the rain had stopped; but as soon as I felt the first droplet run down my neck it all came down. I stood still with my face towards the sky; with my eyes closed I savoured each drop landing on my skin, each one washing a bit more of my insecurity away.

By the time I registered Mark's laughter me and my clothes were soaked through and I felt completely cleansed. "Come on." I beckoned him over to me.

"No you can stay out there on your own." He was smiling through the mocking. But I wasn't taking that; I trotted over to him and took his coat off and put it on top of the pile of dry things. I lured him into the rain with kisses; he continued to kiss me as his shirt stuck to him, he held my head as the rain filled our shoes.

He broke the kiss dramatically; the rain running down his face, sticking to his lips. "I love the rain."


	37. Positive Result

"You look like crap." Callie stated flatly.

"Wha?" I peeled my half-dead face off of the table and looked at her. "Thanks."

"Well you do." She handed me a fresh cup of coffee as I straightened myself out. I stood up and flexed my muscles out; I had been here all night again, pouring over hospital policy and legislation. Derek had essentially given me the go ahead for the trial, allowing me; but he was making me work for it, hard. "What are you doing?"

"Yoga." I systematically stretched the all muscles that needed it. "Helps my back." My attempt at an informative voice was on the sharp side today. "Sorry."

"No worries." Callie was sat on the sofa in her scrubs looking like she had just finished a long surgery. "What is the deal with you and the chief?"

"With the trial?" My voice was strained; I could feel the blood rush to my head.

"Yeah; why is he blocking you?" She pulled a piece off of the muffin she had in her hand and ate it slowly.

"I think he's just trying to be protective; but I'm a grown up. And I'm so sick of talking about it. Sorry. My life at the moment just seems to revolve around Derek and this trial." I finished stretching and got back onto my feet; feeling a bit more refreshed and human.

"How's Mark?" Callie was understandably concerned about her friend.

"He hates it; I think this is going to ruin things. I should just stop; I'm holding on to this like it's my baby. It's ridiculous. He doesn't hate it; he just hates that I don't come home, that we don't go to bed at the same time."

"He doesn't like waking up without you." Callie ate a bit more of her muffin before continuing. "He's miserable in the mornings; he's eaten breakfast with us every morning for practically a month without you. He misses you."

"Oh god; I need to stop this, it's crazy." I slumped into a seat; defeated.

"It's not crazy to want to save lives." We sat in silence; relative silence because Callie was still eating her blueberry muffin. "Hey Mark."

"Hey. Callie can you give us a minute?" I saved the document on my laptop and pulled the screen down as Callie obliged and left the lounge.

"Mark I'm not stopping." I was going to remain defiant; I had to.

"I'm not asking you to; I just want you to take a break, this is too much." His voice was pleading.

"I'm sorry; I can't. You spent years organising a face transplant; how much time did that take up?" His face apologised and looked resigned. "I need your help."

"I'll talk to Derek if you want." He offered.

"I don't need you to talk. I need you to support me." I gestured at myself. "I need you to be Meredith Grey."

"Meredith Grey?" He confirmed with a bemused look.

"Yes. I need you to be my cheerleader. Keep me going; tell me that this trial is worth the effort and that I'm going to save lives. I need that because I'm about to quit, and it'll be something I'll regret for the rest of my life. You don't need to be dark and twisty; but I need at least one person here on my side." I knew I was the one making it hard; but I needed to get across how important this was to me.

"Call me Meredith." I brought him in and held him close to me; that's all I wanted to hear. He kissed my cheek and released me.

"Thank you." I giggled. I returned the kiss and we made plans to have dinner alone later. Then I realised what I had been missing; I had this amazingly kind guy at home waiting for me every night, and I was stressing about all of this. I need to balance my priorities because, at this rate, I was only going to end up with one instead of both. "I'll catch up with you later."

I desperately needed to freshen up and splash some water on my face. I wandered in the general direction of the bathrooms; my mind not fully with it, still in the books. I pushed the door open to find the space empty, thankfully; I stood at the basins and turned the cold tap on. Using my hands I caught the liquid and patted it across my cheeks and forehead; I finished by rubbing the back of my neck. Drying my face off I heard a sniffle from one of the stalls; I tip-toed along the rank looking under each to find a pair of feet.

"Hello?" I didn't get a reply in any form of recognisable language; just more sniffing. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." A very small voice squeaked.

"Meredith?" I looked under the stalls again and found where she was hiding; I occupied the one next to her and closed the door. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." She sighed.

"I find that hard to believe since you're crying." She didn't sound happy. I heard her unlock her door and leave her tiny hideaway; I followed to discover why she was so happy and still crying. We met on the tiles; she was holding something in her hand, a small white paper bag. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm pregnant." She looked shocked that she had told me.

"Oh my god; Meredith!" I couldn't hold myself back; I knew she didn't do hugs but this was a totally huggable moment. "Congratulations!"

"I can't believe it." She was talking to herself; and smiling.

"I didn't realise you and Derek were trying."

"We were – sort of – yes." Her words were aloof; but her smile betrayed them.

"Meredith this is just amazing news." I could restrain my excitement.

"Don't..."

"My lips are sealed; when you tell Cristina, that'll be the first time." I washed my hands out of habit and dried them off with a paper towel.

"Thanks." She pocketed the paper bag and washed her hands. "Derek may complain about you at home; but I like you, you get people. You don't judge." Well, she almost got me.

"I like you too; what you did for Derek was amazing, I have to thank you for looking after him."

"I...um...well...I enjoyed it." Now that was obvious. "You knew Addison right?" She leant on the tiled wall near the door.

"Yeah; we went to medical school together." I could see where this was heading. "You know I always told Derek that he needed some grey in his life." She had a kind laugh. "He's always been too black and white." That sounded less cheesy in my head. Way less cheesy. It caused me to blush.

"Thanks; I think." She laughed to ease my embarrassment. "I need to go tell my people." She smiled contentedly and left the bathroom; with a spring in her step. Why was I suddenly so insanely jealous of her?


	38. The Go Ahead

"Derek please; you have to let me do this." I was chasing the Chief again; except this time it was through the pit. He was resisting me all of the way; I was hoping he was concerned about my health rather than my ability.

"This is my hospital and I make the decisions." He walked towards the admission desk and picked up a chart.

"I've done everything you asked of me. I'm ready to do this." I tried to get him to look at me but he kept moving so I couldn't; I could barely get him to answer a question.

He thrust the chart in his hand into an intern. "You might think that; but I'm the one signing this off, so it's up to me." He stated curtly.

"Have you been making me run in circles for nothing?" I was exasperated and reaching the end of my tether.

"I want you to be fully prepared." He sounded so patronising. "I want you to be ready to take this on." I should have never mentioned that I was experiencing some residual back pain. It only affected me when I was standing for long periods of time in the OR; Derek caught me stretching out during one of our surgeries. It was twelve hours long; what did he expect?

"I can't be any more prepared Derek; I've read every journal, textbook and theory. I've summarised, re-evaluated and categorised everything for you. I've filled enough forms to publish an epic novel. What more do you want from me?" I begged for an answer without referencing my back; if he wanted to bring it up I would defend it, but I wasn't going to sell myself short straight away.

"I want you to be organised." He said flatly.

"That's just another word for prepared!" He turned his back on me and started talking to someone else. "So you're going to ignore me? Chief or not; you're an ass!" I stalked out of the ER and left him behind; I was relieved when I got to the elevator and I was alone.

I was heading back to my office when I saw Arizona in the MRI viewing suite; I chose to go see her instead of stewing on my own, maybe it was a subconscious attempt to absorb some of her cheerfulness. I greeted her and instinctively looking at the computer screens she was facing to find out what was going on.

"Whoa; look at the size of that liver." It was huge; pushing the diaphragm up and probably affecting the breathing of whoever it was.

"I know; it's inflamed and infected. She needs a transplant." Her disappointment was tangible. She was slumped into her chair resting her cheek on a clenched fist.

"Parents?" They were the most obvious place to start for a match; and judging by her dejected demeanour they were no good.

"Alcoholics; she was born with cirrhosis." She exhaled quietly.

"Siblings? Family?" I offered.

"None." I could tell by her voice she had already considered my train of thought.

"And UNOS won't put her on the list because of the parents?" I had the kid's file in my hands; they had denied the request to put her on the list. I sat down on the wheelie chair next to her and scooted closer to her. "Why not?"

"When we tested her she had alcohol in her system." She just shrugged; what more could she say? I can't imagine having to deal with sick children on a day to day basis; I love kids and I want my own, but having to see them like this would kill me.

"You've got to be kidding me." I scanned through her chart again; how she was still with them I don't know, god knows was child services were playing at.

"They did it to stop her crying." I could hear the anguish in Arizona's voice as she leant forward.

"Seriously?" I was flabbergasted.

"She was going cold turkey." I read her admission note from the ER; she was admitted with a fever and seizures.

"Oh god." I said softly. We both reclined into our seats; staring into the imaging room, the machine had finished scanning and was cycling through the final sequence.

"See when you say that it almost sounds like you're talking to him." She swung on her chair to turn away from the monitor and face me; I had learnt quickly that Arizona had ways and means of extracting information out of anyone, she could work for the FBI if the medicine thing didn't work out.

"Sometimes I am." A little remnant from my childhood I had yet to shake off; Catholicism has a tendency to stick around.

"You believe? Interesting." A little smile crept onto her lips; she had turned her attention on to me for a brief respite.

"Because of the heart thing?" It was usually about the heart thing; lots of doctors don't get it. "I was brought up Catholic, it wasn't a personal choice." It was the nuns.

"I'm sure your parents thought it was a good idea." She joked.

"They might have; but I wouldn't know." I suspected she thought they had died; so to save her the uncomfortable feeling that was creeping up on her face, I told her straight. "I'm adopted." Dr Wyatt would be proud.

"Oh." More awkwardness.

"They were really young; still in high school, they were probably scared." And let's be honest; my life would be significantly different, maybe I would have still become a surgeon but all I know I have never felt the need to go find them.

"So you're adopted then?" She politely kept her voice balanced between pushy and interested.

"I am indeed; my parents, my parents, adoptive parents, are amazing. They took me on at fifteen; even with the warnings from the agency." I wasn't the ideal adoption candidate.

"You were a bad girl?" Her face cracked into a grin.

"I was a bad bad Catholic girl with a penchant for chaos and trouble; they sorted me out and here I am." I presented myself in a game show manner.

"How you're not a quivering mess all of the time I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders and clicked to save the images to the database.

"I refused to let my childhood affect me; I didn't want that to be the sum of my life, and it helped that I have a great family." I relaxed into an easy smile.

"Yeah; I noticed, those boys are so protective of you." She was right and the realisation made me feel a bit guilty about shouting at Derek. She stood up first and I followed; her patient was being lifted into a wheelchair. "Thanks."

"For what? I should be thanking you for listening." I was the one monopolising her time.

"Thank you for telling me; I'm honoured." I hugged her briefly and we both turned back to the little girl being wheeled out.

"You know I called the chief an ass." I had to break the seriousness somehow; Dr Wyatt would want to hear about this.

0o0

"You called Derek an ass?" Mark had finally heard about the ER.

"He deserved it!" I picked up some noodles with my chop sticks and fed myself; me and Mark had invited everyone around to ours for takeout. I had chosen Thai from the place around the corner and Mark had done the same; everyone else seemed to pick something different. A million and one delivery guys buzzed for our apartment.

"Yeah, maybe; but in the ER?" He sounded disappointed.

"I know it wasn't the best place, but I have been chasing him around the hospital for weeks." I defended my actions.

"There's a time and place. Stop chasing him." He delved into his carryout box and retrieved a piece of chicken. I felt a little deflated but he had a point I suppose; I was hounding Derek, I was chasing the wrong person. Maybe I had to find another hospital to let me do the clinical trial instead.

"You're right." I tailed off into a brainwave.

"Why do you look like that? You're up to something when you look like that." Mark noticed.

"It's nothing." I kept my voice light. Now I need to find another hospital. I swatted Mark away and went to get a drink; I searched through the open bottles of wine to find something to match my food.

"I'll get it." Callie went to answer the buzz and let whoever in; she returned to her seat after ensuring the door was unlocked.

"Derek." Owen threw a bottle of beer at him as soon as he entered the apartment.

"Hey Mer." Cristina called out with a mouth full of food while scooting up to make room for her.

I was tempted to hide away in my bedroom when Derek arrived; instead he made a beeline for me, so I didn't have that option. "We need to talk." His tone was solemn.

"I don't think so." But I didn't have a choice, he showed me outside into the hallway. It was an attempt to stop people listening in, but I knew as soon as the door closed they would all be pressed up against it. "Derek; this is hospital business. It surely needs to stay in the hospital."

"I know you think I don't trust you to do this; I do, but I need to be convinced that you and your health are up to it." My recovery rate had been excellent; I had the odd twinge now and then but that was managed with exercise. The only part of the recuperation that had annoyed me was that the anti-depressants I was on meant I couldn't take the pill any longer...not the end of the world by any means. But when the opportunity, ahem, arises it was nice forgoing the thirty seconds of pocket searching and deployment.

"Don't bring 'my health' into this; it's irrelevant now, you stitched me up. If I have any health problems it's your fault." I had to get that in; he kept going on about my back, but he was the one who operated.

"I want success." He was being pigheaded.

"That's a crap excuse. You know that I can't guarantee it; you've been here before, you know what it's like." They didn't need to have their ear up against the door now because our voices were getting steadily louder.

"I don't know what to say to you; I'm trying to give you the space to heal, you are well aware that recovery is a long process. Failure now is not something I want to okay." I should be grateful; I should be so grateful I have a friend like this. I tried but couldn't force such feelings to the surface.

"How can I prove to you that I can do this?" There was a lot of wild gesturing going on between us. "We've both been through crappy clinical trials; but this, my idea is going to work." Worn out with this argument I began pacing about. "I can't promise you success Derek; you know that, but I know this is going to work. If you hadn't cut me open; would you let me do this?"

"Yes; but..." I could see the desperation in his eyes to figure out what to say.

"But nothing; I'll let you know if things get worse, just let me try." I interrupted him so he didn't have to find another excuse. I know Mark wanted me to stop chasing Derek; but I literally couldn't let his go, I needed something else in my life and at the moment this was filling the gap.

"Okay." He agreed reluctantly and I leant in, acting unprofessionally, to give him a hug. I was so relieved that I could get the ball rolling now; I couldn't do anymore research, I had even tapped Lexipedia for information. "But you have to be honest with me."

"I promise; I'm not letting anything jeopardise this."And boy was I serious about that promise.

We both re-entered the apartment; giving people time to get back to their seats, their overly nonchalant faces gave them away. Derek followed in behind and sat next to Meredith and Cristina. I returned to my now cold Gaeng Panang and carefully downed my glass of white wine without anyone seeing. In celebration of course.

I didn't feel that rubbing my glee in Derek's face was the right way to go; so I excused myself meekly and took off to the bathroom. But as I tried to shut the door a familiar hand slipped around the edge.

"Feel better now?" He uttered bitterly as he stepped into the tiled room. He had asked me to leave Derek alone and he obviously took our exchange as me having a go.

"Oh yes." I refused to look at him but continued to smile until he twigged what was going on. "Much better."

"He said yes?" The anticipation flooded his voice; I was so glad he was excited, I had been a pain to live with recently. "He did didn't he?"

"He did. I've got my clinical trial." He embraced me in all consuming kiss; my mind was flooded. He kissed me deeply; starting softly then as his tongue moved over my lips I forgot about the clinical trial, about everything.

"So I guess you're going to be even more unbearable now." He joked; making reference to me being annoying.

"Yes; but this level of unbearability comes with dirty sex." I ran my hand down his chest and tugged on his belt. I had been so stressed and up so late that I usually fell into bed at some ungodly hour; I had definitely been a bad girlfriend recently. "So now you can stop moaning."

"Yeah; the thing about that, the dirty sex kind of makes that inevitable."


	39. Daisy

"I've got to go." I had received a 911 page to the clinic; I kissed Mark quickly and left the cafeteria, we had planned to spend a brief few moments together during our hectic day. No such luck this time. But instead of dwelling on that I instantly began wondering about the emergency I had waiting for me. I needed a good surgery today; even though Derek had given me the go ahead for the trial I still had a long way to go. And now I wasn't so frazzled at home we were connecting all over the place as Dr Wyatt put it, and it felt good. I felt like a grown up. "Who paged me?" I called out to no one in particular.

"I did." Miranda called out from behind the admissions desk. "I have a Mr and Mrs Wallis asking for you." I tried to recollect the case as she handed over a couple of forms for clinic hours I was apparently signing up for. I had to hand it to her; she had me signing up for god knows how many hours because she confused me with a couple of names.

"Where are they?" She pointed the couple out; they looked nice and homely and they had a sick looking girl with them. "Thanks; and well done you, I think I've filled your clinic rota."

"I do good work." She left with the forms; most of it filled up with other peoples' names, I was going to have a lot of dirty sex with Mark to make up for what I just did to him.

"Mr and Mrs Wallis?" We shook hands. "I'm Dr Alden; how can I help?" I was still trying to attach them to a memory.

"Dr Stefan from the Mayo Clinic referred us to you." She explained; as her hands were ringing, her husband's face was flushed. I could tell they were out of their depth.

"He did? I didn't receive a referral from him." I knew I would remember that; I suspected that one would arrive soon.

"Dr Stefan told us about your clinical trial." Mr Wallis explained. I expected an email at any moment, something about a great opportunity. I ran the curtain around us so I could create some manner of privacy; they didn't need people staring at them.

"What did he say?" I wanted to know where I stood before I said anything.

"He told us to come here and speak to you; he said you're the only one who can do this." Mr Wallis continued the conversation confidently. Great; thanks for lowering their expectations Lloyd, the last thing you want before an experimental surgery is hopeful parents. I didn't know how to continue; but they did, I wanted to explain the current situation but they raised the bar. "This is our daughter." They both stepped aside to introduce her; I hate saying no to people, especially when she sort of looked – whatever.

"The trial has been approved; but there is still work to be done." It felt so good to say it out loud.

"Of course there is; I understand that, but if you need practise I'm your girl." She adjusted herself to get more comfortable. "Dr Stefan said I was the perfect match; he checked it against your criteria, I need you and you need me." She smiled in the knowledge that she was right; I suspected that Lloyd had briefed her on how to get me to do this. A quick flutter of her turquoise eyes later and I was handing out the first round of consent forms.

I knew Derek would be pissed that I got them to sign so quickly; I had explained everything in more detail than necessary, but I doubt he would see it that way. He would see this as me rushing to get them to agree so I could get published and what not; I would deal with that later.

"Let's get your daughter up to her room and get her settled." I took the suitcase from her parents and commandeered a wheelchair. They were keen to speak to their insurance company; so they stepped away as I took charge of my newest patient.

"I can walk." She politely put the chair back and walked beside me as I took her to the surgical ward. "I'm Daisy." I turned to introduce myself; but she read something in my face that made her continue. "I know; my name is...well...flowery, I've always hated it."

"Ha. My name is Poppy." She laughed along with me. I was lucky enough to have an available bed on the cardio ward we had been quite busy recently.

"Ah; someone else who knows my pain." I was occasionally on the receiving end of the odd jibe about my name; but I rarely stayed in a place long enough for it to matter. I gave her a hospital gown and left so she could get changed and settled in by herself.

"Who is that?" Cristina interrogated me; she must have her cardio radar set on high. I watched her walk the short distance down the corridor; her eyes darting around furiously to unearth the golden chart.

"Do you follow me around or something?" I grabbed a folder to start a chart up for Daisy.

"No; I just take an active interest in your patients. In all patients." She tried to sound sympathetic and honest but failed spectacularly.

"If I tell you, you have to avoid telling absolutely everyone, especially Meredith and Derek." I warned as I needed to speak to Derek first.

"I promise." She sounded eager; no doubt to ensure her a place on my service.

"If you do tell; that's it, no more cool surgeries. Including this one." That caught her attention; her eyes were locked onto mine.

"How cool?" She was desperately trying to sound like she didn't care; but everything about her let her down, it made me smile internally. I can still remember feeling like that about every surgery; and here I am creating new procedures.

"Like Harper Avery cool." Her lips were sealed.

0o0

"What are you doing?" I giggled as I found myself being dragged off into a call room by a strong pair of arms.

"You abandoned me at lunch; I'm punishing you." Mark said forcefully as he shut the door behind me. Once the door was firmly locked Mark plucked my scrub trousers loose; I kicked them off and returned the favour, winding a finger around the tie and yanked it undone. It was fast and dirty.

I surrendered myself to him and let him take control; his fingers pressed into my thighs as he picked me up, just like that night. As I flung my arms around his neck and wound my legs around his waist I felt his punishment; looks like I'm in for a long sentence with lots of hard labour.

"Is this what you call punishment?" I grinned as he steadied my body with a well placed hand on my ass. I didn't receive and answer from him but instead got an incredulous glance as he planned his next move. I anticipated the change in location to the messy bottom bunk with a subtle grind against his cock; his attempt as a stony face was softened marginally.

My head hit the mattress hard as he dropped me unceremoniously on the bed; so much for a punishment, I was expecting a tortuously long session of foreplay but I wasn't going to be that lucky. I was getting impatient as I waited for Mark to come to a decision as to what constituted as punishment; I wish I hadn't been so glib.

He kiss me roughly; his day old stubble grazing me as his tongue assaulted mine with passion, I arched into him but he pushed back. I was so consumed by his lips that I didn't notice his hands manoeuvre my newly waxed legs around his waist; he caressed them for a moment before entering me, without grace or decorum. He covered my mouth with a free hand to prevent me from crying out; as he thrust deeply within me I writhed desperately underneath him. The way my body was feeling was almost indescribable; I felt light and my head was clouded, at this moment I had no control over myself.

Oh god this felt good.

As I opened my eyes I could just make out his face; his breath was hot on my chest from the sheer exertion, rapidly increasing as he continued to fuck me. My hands had to find found purchase on the metal frame of the bed as he filled me again with a deliciously sharp thrust. I tried to participate in this but the way he had my body pinned onto the thin mattress made it impossible; this was all about him.

I felt a deep rumble in his chest as his rested against mine; a guttural moan escaped from his throat in the most masculine way. He growled against the pounding at the door; someone was complaining about their lack of sleep, I didn't care about them.

"Mark." I gasped. "Don't stop."

Two open palms slammed into the bed either side of my head; his mouth agape and letting several low groans of pleasure fill the otherwise silent room. As I delved into his eyes I instantly recognised the self-satisfied look he was wearing; he played me and I felt my face burn up.

Mark left me on the bed and quickly retrieved his hastily discarded clothing; I was wavering on the brink of an orgasm but I could feel it slipping away with every second ticking on. I was never going to be too proud to leave myself this way; and as Mark hopped into his navy trousers my hands slipped under a crinkled sheet. But I got caught.

Seeing me do this encouraged him back to the bed he left me on. "What do you think you're doing?" He encircled my eager wrist with a couple of fingers intent on disciplinary action. "Did you think I was joking about punishment?" He swiftly straddled me; keeping me just on the edge at all times, I hoped this was enough retribution for one person. I cried out in frustration as he put more weight on me as I tried to create some much needed friction for myself.

"You can't sit here all day." I growled at him.

"Oh I don't think it'll be too hard." My aching hips bucked into him in the faint hope of persuading him to break the stalemate.

"So you're happy to leave me so unsatisfied?" In my darkest hour I resorted to playing on his insecurities. It may be harsh; but I was being a total whore today, I was going to get what I wanted.

I expected a little rough treatment but I wasn't prepared for this.

The kiss was so soft I shouldn't have been able to feel it; but it stirred my soul, it was gentle and consuming. My legs found their usual position around his waist; it felt so right to be here with him like this, another mind-bending kiss later and I was moments away from utter bliss. He must have sensed it because he craftily slipped a couple of digits between my legs and barely had to move before I was screaming.

With a smile he thankfully silenced me with another kiss; I could already feel him getting off the bed, he wasn't going to leave me unsatisfied, but he was going to leave me in a compromising position with the door open. Before anyone could enter I wrapped the sheet around me and scrambled to grab my trousers; with them back on I stumbled back into bed. My legs were just about working; rapture coursing through my veins violently it was all I could do to get myself covered before someone entered. I knew Mark would be basking in the knowledge that I was still in here; I could so live with that.

0o0

"You had no right to do this." Derek huffed at me. I managed to peel myself off the bed after I received a page from the chief.

"They were referred to me by another surgeon; they have no other option." I retorted.

"You said you were going to be honest." He spoke to me like a disappointed parent.

"I'll admit that I missed out a few steps; but think of it this way Derek, the media exposure, good publicity for the hospital. The ratings could do with a boost." I kept my voice neutral as possible to disguise my blatant manipulation

He obviously saw through it; but I knew how much the upcoming ratings were getting to him, so he allowed himself to be manipulated. "Where do you need me to sign? This is on you if it fails; if this doesn't work, it's on you!" He added a disclaimer.

"Thank you Chief." I left the office exalted; I had my first official clinical trial patient. I jogged back to the Wallis' room with a massive grin on my face; this was it, this had to go perfectly.

"Please tell me it's good news." Daisy's father nervously addressed me first. They knew I had to get this approved by Derek; and as a security measure I prepared them for the worst, it makes giving bad news a little easier.

"It is great news." We were all talking outside her room; they wanted to make sure that if the news was bad they were prepared. I admired they protectiveness over her; no matter how old she was, she was always going to be her baby. Okay, it's official; I have babies on the brain.

"We'll do anything for our daughter; she can't...die." Mrs Wallis was being held by her husband as they both came to terms with the result.

"I know; you have already. Do you want to tell her?" I might burst.

"You should; she's been doing so much research on you, she'll want to hear this from you." Mr Wallis gave me permission; so I opened the wooden door and led them in.

"It's bad news isn't it? I knew it; I shouldn't have dragged you here." Tears welled up in her eyes as she pre-emptively apologised to her parents.

"Daisy; it's wonderful news, we've got the go ahead." I barely got the words out before she reacted.

"Really?" She sat forward in her bed.

"Yes!" Her parents confirmed simultaneously.

"Let's do it." Her whole face lit up and her body lightened; but I could still see the disease within her. I almost ignored it before because of the possibility of results; but now it was written all over her, I could see the weakness. This was real.

"Alright; let's start this." We spoke for a couple of hours about every aspect of the operation; advantages and the other thing. I also took blood, tissue and DNA samples from the whole family for the trial; if only to fill a few more pages. They were so easy to talk to; good humoured and kind, they allowed me to explain aspects of the trial and then asked well informed questions. They were the dream. "If there isn't anything else; I've got to get my team prepped." I sent an intern off with the samples with stern instruction to get a rush on them.

"No you get on; we've got a lot to digest." Mr Wallis said good bye and I left the family behind the door I closed. After our chat Mr and Mrs Wallis insisted I call them by their first names; James and Kate, and I had found out a surprising amount about them. James was a science teacher who was coming up to retirement and Kate was a homemaker; Daisy was a part time waitress but had to give it up when her heart issue became debilitating.

"Dr Yang?" I call across the nurses' station. "I hope you're free tomorrow."

"They've agreed?"

"Indeed they have." Cristina looked like she had won the lottery. "I hope you're ready to do some reading." I directed her to my office so she could get to my notes; I had written the procedure up and I needed at least one other person in there informed.

"You look happy." Mark found me in passing. I changed direction so I could talk with him.

"I'm a little more than happy. A family had been told about my clinical trial; they want to be my first participant." We hugged briefly before we continued walking.

"What about Derek; he does know doesn't he?" He didn't give me enough time to reply. "Actually I don't want to know." He knew how vigilant Derek was being.

"Of course he knows; I've got them to thank for that." I pointed at the parents who were leaving the room.

"Goodnight Dr Alden; we'll see you tomorrow." We all shook hands and they left for their hotel.

"Goodnight." I waved to them and returned to Mark.

"Is that her?" Mark peered through the open blinds; interested in the occupant. "You know she looks a lot like you."

"Not you as well." A couple of the nurses had mentioned it; something about the eyes and face, I don't know exactly what they were on about as I was concentrating on her chart at the time.

"She's like a younger version of you." I saw this as an opportune moment to let him know about earlier.

"I signed you up for clinic hours." His face dropped. "Lots of them."


	40. Losing My Virginity

Today was surgery day.

I feel so sick.

I'm doing something for the first time today.

And I'm having a panic attack.

0o0

"Are you alright?" Mark had found me in the OR scrub room.

"Do I look alright?" I was leaning against the stainless steel basin as I made yet another attempt to regain a professional composure. "I'm just...this is...new. This is all new, this hasn't happened before, no one knows what's going on."

His face relaxed to comfort me. "Everyone in your position feels this way. I know you can do this." He wrapped a soothing arm around my shoulder as he stood next to me.

"Oh really? That's great; when I go in the OR I know how to fix a damaged heart, I can throw sutures better than anyone, and I can deal with the unexpected. But now; I have to fake all of that, they expect me to know everything and at this point I know nothing." My speech quickened until I began to hyperventilate.

"If you need some more time just tell Derek." He squeezed my arm. "But you can do this."

"I can't because he'll pull the whole trial." I doubted Derek would do something so rash; but I had gotten to this point, I wasn't going to be the weak link.

"If the procedure needs fine tuning the family can wait; everyone will understand." Even though I couldn't show it right now; hearing him say that made me want to burst. Having someone look out for me no longer made me feel uncomfortable to the point of self destruction. Well; maybe.

"It doesn't work like that Mark; you can't get them into the OR and then decide you're not prepared, that would call my reputation into question." It would take a long time to live that down.

"You're being stubborn; tell the patient it was something else if you must." I knew he was being caring and trying to protect me; and of course I would be doing the exact same thing for him in the same situation, but I couldn't take this lying down. I had to fight this feeling.

"You're not getting this!" I was more frustrated with myself.

"Fine; but if you feel you're putting the patient at risk Derek should know." I knew he wouldn't tell him; he face betrayed his quasi threat, but I wanted to ensure his silence.

"You can't tell him; Mark this is...I'm calling post-it." I pointed at him to strengthen my point. Why did I use the post-it? I didn't even mean to say that.

"You're using the Shepherd marriage to stop me telling Derek? It doesn't work like that; we would have to have our own post-it for it to work." His eyes softened.

"I need to scrub in." I turned away from his gaze and flicked the tap on.

"Poppy; please, let's talk about this." He touched my shoulder; but I had to shrug it off, all I wanted to do was fall into his arms but I couldn't afford that luxury. I desperately needed to get my head together for this surgery.

"Mark; I'm about to go into a surgery I have never done before, I need to focus on that." He looked incredibly hurt when he reached for the door. When I was with him he gloriously abused my senses; my head was filled with everything about him, I needed him to go so I could concentrate.

"Good luck." I could hear the disappointment in his voice; why was he acting like this? He must understand I don't want to talk about the surgery. Why did I get the feeling I had misread the situation?

0o0

"You ready?" I asked Cristina to scrub in for observation purposes; this was a solo surgery.

"Ready as I'll ever be." My hands trembled in the stream of water from the tap; I had to get this under control.

"I can smell a Harper Avery." Her eyes lit up as she spoke.

"Here's hoping." Cristina went in before me; I needed to make a couple of pleas to him above, just so I could get through this. The room was full of interns and residents observing; the gallery was heaving, I had to make this work. It became my mantra; make it work, make it work. With my gown tied behind my neck and my gloves on I walked to the gurney. Damn it she was still awake.

"Dr Alden?" Her sleepy voice wafted through the OR.

"Yes Miss Wallis?" I replied coolly. I couldn't think about her parents waiting for her; or recollect the stories they told me, I just needed to see her as a patient and nothing else.

"I have faith; and I know you can do this." I signalled the anaesthetist to put her under and I took my position at her femoral artery.

"Ladies and gentleman; let's save a life." I took the ten blade from my favourite scrub nurse and turned to the audience. Suck it up; make it work. "The patient is Daisy Wallis." Breathe. I spotted Mark in the gallery; he was cheering me on even though I was a total bitch to him. "The patient is Daisy Wallis; she is thirty two years old with Atrial Stenosis. Today I am going to replace the heart valve with a stent attached to a catheter."

I had already sewn the replacement valve into the stent; I had attached the stent to the catheter; I had it all in my hands ready to thread through her body. "Is everything alright Dr Alden?" Cristina asked concerned; her eyes peering over her mask.

"Everything is fine Dr Yang; just need a minute before making history." She let me breathe and I started the procedure. "I've made an incision in the left common femoral artery and I am threading the catheter, carefully, through to the aorta." I watched the progress on the monitor and waited for it to appear in the right position; Yang was keeping up perfectly. "I have taken the transluminal approach to avoid extended contact with the heart tissue."

"Is it in position?" I could see her flick between the fluoroscope image and me.

"It is Dr Yang." I returned to addressing the room. "I am going to expand the stent and position the replacement over the faulty valve." I could feel the room take a collective intake of breath; me included. This was the first step.

I studied the screen; waiting for the valve to slip into position, my career hanging in the balance. I knew Derek was watching above me; he was watching the screen as well, I hoped he was thinking positively. There it is. The room exhaled and excited chatter began to build around me.

"I am now going to remove the catheter and see how this valve takes." As the catheter was removed the valve stayed in place as I had expected; a small round of applause and the procedure was finished for the first time. I sutured the artery closed and followed suit with her leg; and I was done. "And that people, is the transcatheter heart valve replacement."

She was wheeled out and down to the intensive care unit with Yang following behind after scrubbing out. "This reeks of a Harper Avery; you've got this."

"It doesn't matter; I just want the chief to let me continue doing this." I exhaled.

She gave me a puzzled look. "He'll be stupid not to."

"Can you monitor the patient closely for the next couple of hours? This is a crucial time." I demanded wearily.

"Absolutely." She left the room and I found myself on the floor again; the adrenalin that was pumping around my system was slowly diminishing and the previous feelings of sickness and fear came back. It was all I could do to breathe.

"Derek don't." I heard Mark's voice in the corridor.

"Congratulations." Derek burst into the scrub room with a smile on his face. "You've got your clinical trial. Go see the parents." He ignored my face and yanked me up. "Smile; you've got the press to deal with later." I found my tongue.

"You've got to be kidding right? Now you're behind me? Now you trust me?" I spluttered angrily.

"Alden; you've got what you wanted." He left the scrub room. "See the parents. Get your kudos."

"I hate him." I fell into Mark's arms gladly. Derek had been so hard on me throughout this entire process and seeing him act so happy and content pushed my stressed head over the edge.

"I hate him a little bit too." He held me tightly for ages; he held my head against his chest and the proximity of his heartbeat chilled me out. "I'm so proud of you; watching you do that...wow...I mean, that was awesome." He released me from his embrace and caught my gaze. "You're amazing; I knew you could do this, but the way you controlled that whole room. I love you so much."

"Thanks." I managed to crack a grateful smile.

"Remember how hard you've worked to get to this point." His voice was cautious.

"Okay." My voice was quiet and pathetic.

"Speak to the parents, the press, and the patient." He said softly.

"You suck." He was right; but I couldn't let him know that.

"No; you suck." I could hear the grin in his voice.

"Was that a dirty joke?" He kissed my forehead to answer in the affirmative; always with the dirty jokes. "I have to speak to them." I knew I had to; I'm glad it went well, but I had to tell them this when in the back of my head I knew I went into that surgery unprepared.

"You do Alden; go be a surgeon." I felt an encouraging gentle tap on my ass before I left the room.

0o0

"Mr and Mrs Wallis." I put my best face on and a happy optimistic voice as I entered the ICU room. "Let me first apologise for taking so long to get here." They remained glued to Daisy's side. "The procedure was very successful; there were no complications and we just need to monitor her now."

"When will she wake up?" Mrs Wallis was holding her hand tightly; making sure she didn't slip away.

"It varies from person to person; but it shouldn't be too much longer." I flipped open her chart to check on the work Cristina had noted down. Her stats were looking good; it was too early to call this a win, I had to wait until the valve was fully integrated.

"Her eyes; she's waking up." Mr Wallis swooped around the bed and hugged his wife and then coaxed the patient around. "Come on; open your eyes. You can do it." I was having an out-of-body experience; my first clinical trial patient was waking up, I felt elated that she had done.

"Daddy." Her eyes fluttered open and fought against the newly discovered brightness. "Mom." I was going to leave and give them some time together; but her eyes floated in my direction. "Dr Alden; how did it go?" Her voice was croaky from the tube that had been in her throat.

"It went very well; flying colours were mentioned." I offered her an encouraging smile Mark taught me.

"Good; that's good." She rested her head back onto her pillow. "My leg hurts." She rubbed her leg around the incision site.

"Let me have a look." I lifted the bandage after putting some gloves on; it looked good. "Try not to scratch it." I replaced everything and assigned a higher dose of pain meds.

"It hurts; I'll scratch it." You could almost see her stick her bottom lip out.

"If you do; you'll rip your stitches out and get an infection." I kept my voice firm but professional.

"Daisy; listen to the doctor." Mrs Wallis stepped in. "I'm sorry Dr Alden."

"It's fine; I'll leave you alone." I exited the room and held onto the nurses' station to stop myself from being sick; I had to stop my brain from spinning. Once I allowed myself to relax, I enjoyed the sensation of an initially successful outcome.

"Dr Alden; is everything alright with Daisy?" Both of the elder Wallis' found me.

"Is something wrong?" I tried to sound professional while running through a plethora of post-op complications.

"No; well, yes. She doesn't seem herself." Mr Wallis stumbled over his words.

"The anaesthetic can take a while to wear off; she should return to normal soon." I reassured them; it can be hard for parents to watch their children recover.

"I hope so; because she's our daughter and we can't lose her, we have to be able to take her home." She was lucky to have had parents like that for her whole life.

"You will; it just takes time." I left them to spend this time together; the family was reunited again and I was relieved that I was able to make that happen. Maybe it was selfish to want success for myself; but at the end of the day success for me meant success for them, one clinical trial and one family.


	41. Breakdown

I like starting my day with something positive; and along with telling the Wallis' theirs later, I had my own positive start when I woke up by a very pleasurable sight. Nothing can please a girl more than a man already under the sheets wishing you good morning with his tongue. I was stirred from a deep slumber by one of my many favourite sensations; but I resisted opening my eyes just in case this was a dream.

His dextrous hands were already making room for himself between my willing legs; the pressure of his finger tips on my thighs was nothing short of delicious. Sitting up he leant over my bare torso and gently roused me with a deep kiss that forced my eyes opened; the combination of the feel of his naked body on mine and the way his hands were cradling me brought me round.

My body was still sleepy so he had almost all of the control over me; I lay back and let my body react instinctively, my instincts were good. And his were better. He didn't linger long and I soon felt his stubble graze my neck as he ran his tongue along my collar bone; a hiss escaped my tired lips as he drifted lower. As I offered my body as a willing player in his wicked plan he moved down my body; leaving a winding trail of pleasure on my skin, I could feel he was enjoying this as much as I was.

As he moved up and got closer to his destination I responded with a sleepy sigh of satisfaction; his breath tickled my responsive skin, and in the morning sun I felt my body physically beg him to continue. He responded in a timely manner and a couple of enthusiastic fingers hooked over my thong and stripped me of it elegantly. Before I could guess his next move he had already made it; applying his mind bending tongue and flicking it over me.

I pushed myself onto his talented mouth; and his tongue countering with a brief pause. "Ah, don't stop." I begged; he knew exactly what to do to get me off, every inch of my body mapped through extensive surveying. Days and days of letting him explore me; with hands, lips and tongue. Our eyes met and I could see his determination in his; one cocky eye brow raise later and his lips began sucking at my clit. My hips bucked into him again; I had no control over it, every time he touched, stroked and caressed me I lost my mind.

"You taste so good." He hummed; timing the vibration with my heavy breathing.

"Oh god Mark." If he keeps talking like this I'll be doing more than praising the lord. I writhed underneath him as I felt the ripples of the first orgasm of the day flow through me; starting at my toes it permeated every inch of my body right into my nerve endings. I grasped the crumbled bed sheet in my hands and pulled it to make sure I didn't float away; bringing the fabric closer in to me I cried out in ecstasy.

I heard a satisfied sound from Mark as he stretched up; encouraging my eyes open again with a few butterfly kisses along my abdomen. I couldn't stop the smile crossing my face as he pressed his lips against my neck; he was the man I wanted to spend forever with. But before I could spend any longer thinking about serious things I found myself moaning loudly. He had cheekily given me only a breaths worth of respite before smoothly entering me; I couldn't keep the joy in.

We enjoyed a thoroughly good fucking before we were both late for rounds. Our cheeks still stained with a tell tale flush of an early morning encounter; if people could see I didn't care.

0o0

"Good morning; I have some good news for you." Everything about today was great. Okay, I was maybe a little drunk on Mark. Focus.

"Please tell me I can go; I want to go, not that I'm being ungrateful but I'm sick of this hospital." Daisy sat straight up and grumbled with a smile.

"You can go home." I gave them the news that they wanted; they hugged each other and made a move towards me. "I've spoken to your local cardiologist and CT surgeon so they can monitor you for me. I've sent your paperwork over already; but I need you to fill in a couple of forms for my trial." I handed them over along with a pen.

"Is this it? I fill these in and I can go?" Her excitement was palpable.

"They're just some patient surveys; I'll send some more in the coming months." They were a good way to monitor the recovery through mental status and general satisfaction with the procedure.

"I guess us guinea pigs need to do some work too." I gave a courteous smile and left them to pack her belongings up.

"Are they going?" My favourite plastic surgeon sidled up to me quietly. No one else knew about the family ties; he had kept it under wraps and put out rumour fires expertly, blaming it on the stress of the trial.

"They sure are." I nonchalantly flicked through her chart and mentally prepared myself for the moment when they departed for Louisiana "Just packing up now."

"Did you speak to Wyatt in the end?" He had been badgering me to go after my breakdown in the scrub room; I did go as it was obvious to me that I needed a bit more help with the stressful parts of my job.

"I did; I think I'm turning into a soap opera. I think she does too." We laughed until the Wallis' emerged, all packed up, ready to go. I was going to miss their daily presence in my life; every day I would great their smiling expectant faces with a troop of eager residents, I got used to them.

"Do I have to go in a wheelchair?" She was resisting one of the porters.

"It's hospital policy." I interjected; to save the porter a stubborn southern fight. "We have to take you to the door."

"I'll go if he pushes me." Her doe eyes centred on Mark; I don't blame her, she often quizzed me on his attributes.

"Alright." Now this is the man who finds it hard to buy his own coffee and now he's wheeling a patient around? He was perfectly chatty with them; in the walk to the elevator and the ride down to the exit, a perfect gentleman.

"Here's your paperwork." I handed over her pack.

"And here's yours." She gave me back my forms all filled in. "Thank you so much." She got up and out of her Mark drawn carriage to give me a hug. She didn't say much; but I could read her face well enough to know how grateful she was.

"Thank you so much Dr Alden; for giving us another chance." Her parents followed suit and both hugged me tightly. After thanking me they collected their daughter and left the hospital; hopefully for the last time. I headed to the desk behind me and leant on it hard; I saw Derek trot down the stairs, late to see off the Wallis'.

"Have they gone already?" He was understandably disappointed.

"Just missed them." I arched my back and stood up straight. "I've got the patient survey if you want to read it." He took it from me and studied the pages.

"Dr Alden?" I turned around knowing who was stood there. I recognised her southern drawl.

"Yes Miss Wallis."

"I wanted to thank you again for what you've done for me and my family."

"No problem. Just take care of yourself." I waved her off again.

0o0

"Congratulations Poppy; the pioneer of the biggest breakthrough in cardiothoracic surgery in a decade." Derek was reading excerpts from the journal article about my clinical trial.

"Stop it." I tried to take the journal out of his hands but he evaded my attempts. "Just buy me a drink and shut up." I was happy it was a success; but it had been so stressful I was looking forward to a bit of a break.

"You got lucky with your first patient; they were so nice, they deserved another chance." April Kepner was sat next to Avery at the adjacent table, but had overheard the conversation. "They lost their first daughter; and you saved their second one." She sipped on her drink and returned to her table. I managed to steer the conversation away from me for the time being; I was proud of my achievement but I needed a few moments without it occupying my head.

I finished my drink and set the glass down onto the table. "Poppy?"

"Yeah Will?" He sidled up to me when the excitement had died down; everyone else was in the midst of various separate conversations that were overlapping animatedly.

"Could I...um...talk to you for a moment?" Little beads of sweat popped up on his brow as he searched for the words he wanted.

"Sure; what is it?" I was immediately concerned; I hoped he and Lexie were okay, he had finally moved in with a girl that wasn't me. It was a huge step for him and I was praying that he had not made a mistake and messed it up; she was cool and perfect for him, anything else please. It had to be anything else.

His answer came in the form of dragging me into the extremely cold night air; he could have warned me, this better be important. I gave him a few moments grace before badgering him into saying something; he was stood there as if it was a summer's day, I on the other hand was hoping about trying to stay warm. "Come on Will; I am about to freeze to death, actually die. Dead" My teeth were chattering.

"I did something bad." His voice was so flat; this was serious.

"What did you do?" My voice echoed his; I was more interested in wrapping my thin cardigan around me to entice an iota of warmth to help me out. "Spit it out would you!"

"Everyone was talking about it. They were right you know; she did kinda look like you." He was babbling about god-knows-what. "So I thought it would be a laugh; you know, to find out if she was, if they were, you know."

"You know if you completed a sentence I might have some grasp on what you are driving at."

"DNA matches." I was close to slapping him to bash the sense into him. "Daisy and you. You and Daisy. Sisters." He chucked the words at me haphazardly but they stuck; I heard what he was saying and considering he was still sweating, I knew he wasn't messing me about.

No words came to mind; maybe I was still hoping that he was just come clean and tell me he made the whole thing up, but those words never came. He stood and waited for me to say something; to react, to do anything. I had never given the possibility a second thought; it had never crossed my mind that I could have a sister or a brother out there, I didn't care to. My parents, my friends, my family were all I ever knew and all I ever wanted. Why would I need to consider what may have been if what I had was so good? "You're kidding; right?"

"It was a joke." Oh thank god. "All the nurse kept going on about how you look alike; even Mark said so. It was a joke; I never thought, I wouldn't have if I knew." Crap.

"The Wallis'."

"Parents."

"Actual biological; matchy matchy, leave me at the hospital parents." I spat; my anger wasn't directed at anyone in particular.

"Uh huh." He nodded. "I'm so sorry Poppy; I wanted to tell you but I couldn't before the surgery. But I had to tell you."

"I know." I sighed as I perched on the steps that lead into the bar; I didn't need to hear this, I wanted to be blissfully ignorant. "I wish you didn't need to tell me."

"Sorry." He sat next to me.

"How did you even get a sample from me?" He looked so forlorn and it wasn't his fault; if it was the other way around I would have done the same, I made the best decision and shifted the direction of the conversation. I sure as hell didn't want to talk about it.

"Oh. I stole some hair from your brush." His voice grew quieter with every word.

"Seriously; what is with you and crime shows?" He wrapped an arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder; our default position. My mind was racing; then an uncomfortable sickness arrived, I had operated on my sister. That sole thought ran loops over my brain until it tangled my mind into silence.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head.

I kept my head on his shoulder as I spoke. "I need a drink." I announced; picking me up we both re-entered the bar, I could feel his body shiver against mine. I was completely numb; I couldn't feel the cold and I didn't notice the wall of heat once we pulled back the doors. I ignored the lack of Will's presence as I seated myself at the bar; I ordered a single whiskey on the rocks and sipped at it slowly.

My intentions were not to get utterly trashed; I didn't want or need to, it was...I'm not entirely sure what it was. A thousand thoughts, impulses, ideas ploughed though every nerve ending to the surface. Our DNA may well match; we maybe a family, I might even be Poppy Wallis after all. But the strangest thing about the moment that the glass left my lips and hit the damp napkin was the lack of crying or panic.

I mean was I so well adjusted now that I was dealing with this?

Or did this mean I was about to have a huge breakdown in the coming hours that I wasn't going to recover from?

I felt no connection to the girl I operated on; to the people I reassured or to their family as a whole. Daisy was a perfectly pleasant girl that I enjoyed talking to and her parents were kind and caring to the extreme. If this was fifteen or twenty years ago I might have had a different reaction; anger, lots of anger. Back then I was secretly battling some manner of depression over being adopted; well it wasn't as secret as I first thought because my dad figured it out. He let me think I healed myself as he held my hand through that whole episode; maybe that's why I was dealing with this so well.

Okay. I wasn't so delusional that I didn't see the trouble I was storing up for myself.

The warm and comforting arm that surrounded me was Mark serving as my superhero. "I'm taking you home." He scooped me up.

I barely made it to the car before breaking down; I couldn't stop the tears, he couldn't stop the sobbing. But it wasn't because of jealously or rage, sadness or regret but for the knowledge that there was someone else out there connected to me. I was intrinsically linked to her by nothing more than DNA; a bond so strong that it couldn't be broken. I had never had that before.

When did family become such a complicated word?


	42. All the Trimmings

I used to hate Thanksgiving; I mean what did I have to be thankful for as a kid? I had a knack for getting moved on just before the holidays; looking back I used to get excitable to a ridiculous degree in the run up to the holidays. It was only when I hit my teens that I stopped being excited by anything; I just assumed that if I did I would be shuttled back to the home. Once I settled and got adopted by the Alden's I met Will; two broken kids helping each other out, we soon became best friends.

"You can bake?" I took three pies out of the fridge and placed them in the waiting containers. Will's little discovery had set me back a bit; I expected it to and let it happen, but the indelible mark it left on my soul wasn't so damaging. Embrace the knowledge as Dr Wyatt put it. I did and it came with pastry.

"Mark; there is still so much to learn about me." We were stood in the kitchen waiting for Sloan to getting dressed. She had asked Mark if she could spend the day with him; I would have preferred to spend the day with friends, but family is family. "Did you forget about the pancakes?" I admonished.

"That's not really baking." He waggled an eyebrow at me.

"It still involves me wearing an apron with nothing on underneath." I placed the lids on and stacked the boxes up. "Sloan? You've got five minutes before we're leaving." I shouted into the bathroom. "What?" I enquired about the look on Mark's face.

"You sound like a mom when you shout." Sloan interrupted; but Mark was smiling. We had gone shopping yesterday so I could ensure that girl had at least one decent dress; her suitcase was filled with interesting choices, just none of the screamed Thanksgiving dinner.

0o0

"Come in." Lexie greeted us at the door; in the past she may have disliked Sloan or whatever, but there was no trace of that now.

"Thanks." We piled in and offloaded our coats; I headed straight into the kitchen with the pies.

"Who did the decorations?" The place looked like a turkey threw up in it; there were paper decorations everywhere. Lots of orange.

"We did." Lexie spoke for her and Will. I was practically chewing the inside of my mouth to avoid sniggering; last time I checked Will was about as ambivalent about this day as I was.

"Well, it looks lovely." Will gave me a cockeyed look. I think he was still unsure on how I felt about him; it wasn't that I was angry with him, but we hadn't really spent any time with each other since the whole sister thing.

"What are those?" Derek looked up from the turkey.

"These are pies; three of my best." I put them into the fridge giving instructions on how to heat them up.

"You bake?" Owen sounded a little too astonished for my liking.

"Why is everyone so surprised? I'm not just a surgeon." I announced grandly with a smile. Everyone was milling around the kitchen; picking at scraps of food, we were vehemently warned not to eat breakfast.

"Are we going to have to mommy-track you?" Derek chirped. "Is this how it starts? Baking pies, then knitting and re-decorating?" I didn't have a witty reply to his jibe because that's all I could think of; not the career questions, but the mom thing. Instead I raised an eyebrow at him and left him to it.

I took my mimosa and wandered through Derek and Meredith's new house; this was the first gathering since it was completed. It was beautifully made and beautifully decorated; warm and spacious, lots of room for the baby. Upstairs was just as nicely done; the winter light streaming through a sash window highlighted a promising room. I pushed open the door and I had found the nursery and it was gorgeous, it was ready with two cots.

Twins; oh my god.

"Do you want to be mommy-tracked?" Mark had found me. Judging by his lack of surprise Derek had already told him about their news.

"Oh I – I don't know." I trailed off.

"I think you do." He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my body. "And I think I know too." I didn't want to say it out loud because I hadn't said it out loud to myself yet. "You can tell me."

"I've not told myself yet." I stared into the cots and wanted to have something in there that was mine. Ours. "I want children." The words mingled with the mobiles and the wall hangings; I leant back into Mark's body.

"Me too." Nothing else had to be said between us.

0o0

"Too much Thanksgiving?" Will had found me at the top of the stairs; I had excused myself after dinner feeling overwhelmed. All the talk about family unsettled me.

"Yeah; just a bit." He climbed the stairs slowly and chose a step below me. I brought my knees up and rested my chin on my hands; readying myself. "Why did you have to do this?" Okay; so maybe I was a little angry at him. I was finally in a great place and this happens.

"I honestly didn't want to hurt you; you know that right?"

"Of course I do; but you knew I didn't want to know anything about my biological family."

"I wouldn't have done it if I actually thought you were related; it was joke, admittedly a bad one." He looked crushed but resolute in mending the small rift that was apparent between us.

"I just wish I was in on the joke." I took a breath. "But then that would have planted a seed and it probably would have happened anyway." I need to take a vacation from my head. Will continued to look up at me waiting for absolution.

"I'm sorrier than I could ever show or tell you."

"Stop beating yourself up about this." I stood up so we could move past it physically. "Look; I knew about your brother and didn't tell you, we're even." We both descended the stairs so we could join the rest of the congregation. "No more meddling with families."

"Deal. You know I'm actually beginning to enjoy Thanksgiving."

"And does that have anything to do with the beautiful girl?" He showed off a huge warm smile that made me feel better.

"Beautiful girls." He pulled me in for an all-consuming hug that righted everything.

0o0

We had all flocked to the huge living room area; assembling ourselves across the couches in various combinations, I was sat on Mark's lap. Cristina and Owen were occupying one armchair and Meredith and Derek had the opposite one. Alex had also chosen the floor; but in a more elegant manner, Sloan was on the same couch as us. Callie and Arizona were splitting time between their families and Teddy was visiting friends.

"I can't move." Will was lying on the floor resisting Lexie's pleas to get up. He remained on the floor; lying on his back and rubbing his stomach.

"Everybody." We all turned to Derek and Meredith's chair; they shared a secret smile between themselves before Derek continued. "We've got an announcement." Their faces were beaming; she must have had her three month scan, most people seem to wait until then.

"Me and Derek are expecting." Mass congratulations circled the room; after the trauma they experienced after the shooting, this was beautiful news. "Twins." There was an excited question and answer session which took us into the evening; the main questions focused on when and the odd cheeky where. We lay around talking about anything that came to mind for most of the evening; most of us fuelled by the many types of alcohol in the house.

"I have to get up; my legs have gone to sleep." I crawled out of the sofa and stretched.

"Pie." Will was still on the floor.

"You can't be hungry." I deplored.

"Yeah; but pie." His voice was whiney but it made me smile.

"I could eat some pie." Meredith seemed to be enjoying the perks of her pregnancy. "What did you bring?"

"Cherry and cranberry; peach and honey; pumpkin and orange." I counted the fillings off on my fingers.

"Anything else Martha Stuart?"

I thwacked Mark with a cushion. "None for you."


	43. Honey

"Your pies are amazing."

"You're still eating?" I was amazed that Mark was picking at the leftovers. I felt sick if I moved too quickly.

"Do you have any honey left?" We opted for a taxi home; we didn't feel like camping out on the sofa, plus we had Sloan. She had gone straight to bed, I think she sneaked the odd drink throughout the day, leaving Mark and I with some time to ourselves.

"I do." I reached into the cupboard on tip toes to get the bottle out. "Do you want it in some hot water? I think there's a lemon around here somewhere." I opened the fridge to have a look; but he playfully nudged me out of the way. He wouldn't let me see what he had in his hands as he guided me into our bedroom from behind.

"How about we give this a try?" I felt his hand move around me; his arm against my waist he rested his free hand low on my abdomen. My heart skipped a beat. "Get on the bed." His voice was deep and direct. Whatever he had in his arms had disappeared; I was lying on our sheets and he climbed on top of me. His lips found mine and they came together messily; his hands under my dress pulled the material up and over my head. He stood up and removed all of his clothes; I admired his naked state as he picked something up from behind my head.

"What are you doing? Get back on top of me." My turn to be direct. He did as I said and straddled me; honey bottle in hand, he's a bad man. He held it high above my stomach and squeezed a little out; the coolness of the liquid made my hips kick against him. He moved down and used his tongue to lick the sticky golden mess off me; my head pushed back into the mattress as he flicked over my bellybutton.

I used whatever cognitive thought I had left to remove my bra; he took the hint and picked up the bottle again. He poured it onto my breasts and used long languid strokes of his tongue against my skin. I allowed my head to be filled with this very moment. Lying square on the bed he had access to every inch of my body; his tongue was still dancing over my breasts as his hands skimmed over my waist.

"Don't stop!" Mark had removed his body from the equation; he reached above me again and retrieved something from under the pillows. He looked deep into my eyes; his steely blues meeting my bottle greens. But not for long.

He delicately bound my eyes with a dark silk scarf; tying it behind my head he left me in darkness, everything heightened. I playfully attempted to take off the blindfold but Mark's hands captured my wrists, leaning on them he trapped me. Manoeuvring both of my arms above my head he held both of them with one hand; I writhed in anticipation as I waited for him to make his first move.

His fingers, still covered in honey slid between my legs, parting willingly he finally took advantage of me. A moan escaped from within me; he broke away to kiss me; with sticky sweet lips he invaded my mouth. If it was possible he tasted better dipped in honey. Breaking away and releasing my wrists he travelled down my body stamping my skin with a trail of syrupy kisses; unhurried and deliberate, torturing my senses. When his talented tongue replaced his capable fingers I cried out into the room; the friction and pressure together was delicious.

"Don't – oh – keep – there – just there." His extensive knowledge of my anatomy was apparent; an orchestra of touches, licks, caresses and some very well timed sucking. "Ooh."

"You like that?" Our eyes met over my abdomen; he looked up, tongue still working its magic on me, and gave me a self-satisfied glance. I threw my head back into the bed and pushed myself down on him; I needed more of him. I needed all of him.


	44. Mistletoe

"Are we keeping you Dr Alden?"

"Sorry." I tore my eyes away from the clock. I had hoped to be home by now; but I had been pulled into an emergency surgery. I took a clamp in my hands and released it; the repair was finished and the patient was looking good. She was riding a motorcycle and took a corner too quickly; coupled with a stormy night, she almost became an organ donor. My eyes drifted to the clock again; I was far too late now. "I had plans."

"A surgeon with plans; now I've heard everything." Derek chuckled amongst his staff. "What were you planning to do?" His eyes sparkled with the possibility of embarrassing me; I think he thought I wanted to hot foot it out of here and fuck Mark. That was a given; but that wasn't my original plan.

I looked up from my suturing and over my face mask into Derek's eyes. "I was intending to go midnight mass at Saint Luke's." I returned to the repair after having seen his face drop; I could have played along I suppose, but it was practically midnight and I wasn't in the mood.

Derek's eyes drifted up to follow mine; at the clock the second hand was nearing the top, about to strike into the nest day. My heart dropped as it did; if I wasn't at church I at least wanted to be tucked up in bed. Any other day I wouldn't even think twice about being in surgery in the middle of the night; it wouldn't faze me in the slightest, but Christmas is always different. Thanksgiving never did it for me; but with my upbringing Christmas was the most special of days. As well as Easter.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Derek lifted the mood as we entered the closing stages of saving this woman's life. Smiles were shared around the OR and moments later we were back at work. Just another day; just another surgery.

With the surgery finished both me and Derek went to find the patient's family; we sent the residents on call with the biker. "You're going to church again?" He was right to be surprised, I was a lapse Catholic; I hadn't been to mass or confession in so long I could barely remember.

"I am; it doesn't matter." A wave of fatigue crashed over me as we finished scrubbing out; the busy day had caught up with me.

"Are you alright?" He asked; concerned.

"Yeah; I am, just exhausted." We dried out hands and left the room together. I was more than exhausted; Mark and I had been energetic in our attempts to get pregnant, not that it was bad thing. I was greatly enjoying it; I mean who wouldn't? But coupled with a huge workload and new interns on the way; sleeping was far down on the list.

"Mr and Mrs Lewes." Derek addressed the parents first. The motorcyclist was a young woman and judging by her parents it ran in the family. Her father was wearing a heavy leather jacket studded with badges; one in particular caught my eye, an embroidered badge detailing his blood type. "My name is Dr Shepherd and I operated on your daughter, as well as Dr Alden here." He introduced us as we didn't have time before the surgery.

"How is she?" Her father asked with his eyes filled with silent fear.

"She's in recovery; she came through the surgery well. She has extensive head injuries so we need to wait until she wakes up. But her vitals are strong and I'm hopeful for a good result." They both looked at me.

"Your daughter also had a tear in her aorta from the crash; I fixed that with no complications, but we will be monitoring her closely over the next twenty four hours." I reassured them.

"Thank you so much." Her mother hugged me and the father shook Derek's hand. "Can we see her?"

"Of course." I brought forward an intern who took them to the ICU. I hoped that I would never feel the way they were right now.

"Drink?" We had both changed out of our scrubs and met walking through the lobby. As if I could even contemplate a drink; I was the picture of restraint and abstinence, well apart from the sex.

"If by drink you mean climb into a bed and go to sleep, then yes, a drink sounds great." He laughed and wished me good night, or good morning, whatever.

Even though I had just operated on a collision victim I still drove home in the rain; exhausted and tired, my eyes heavy with sleep. I parked the car in the usual spot and dragged myself out having to check three times to make sure I locked the door. I just about managed to de-clothe myself before sliding into bed.

"Merry Christmas." I opened my extremely tired eyes to see a very happy, very handsome man waking me up. It's a good thing he's cute because I've had zero sleep and a day of joy and togetherness was going to be a stretch.

"Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas." I heard the tone I used. "Sorry. I'm tired. Merry Christmas." I lightened my voice as I rolled my body over onto my side. I rested an arm over his stomach and put my head on his shoulder and it wasn't long until I was asleep again. He woke me up as he left the bed; I could sense him try to move without disturbing me, slowly and measured. But anything was waking me up recently; a click in the heating, a whir from the refrigerator or even Mark breathing.

I lay awake in the bed with my eyes closed to the noise in the kitchen; I could hear bowls and pans being moved around. I had no idea what he was up to and at this point I wasn't in the best frame of mind yet to play the part of the Christmas girlfriend. I wrapped my body in the sheets we bought and made a final attempt to get some more sleep before I knew I had to get up; I could quite happily stay in bed for the day.

But I couldn't sleep at all. I couldn't fight the crisp winter sun any longer; the low light was focused on my eyes, my lids were no match. I put my arms above my head and stretched my body until I couldn't any longer; I peeled the sheets off and hopped out of bed, quickly finding something else to put on. My ratty Columbia shirt wasn't working; so I wrapped my thin cotton dressing gown around me. I was almost out of the bed room when a tray carried by two toned arms narrowly avoided a collision.

"What's all of this?" I stepped backwards to give him the room to enter.

"Breakfast." He said in a matter of fact way; it was pretty obvious. "You must be sleep deprived."

"You made waffles." He made waffles. And there were strawberries, blueberries, chocolate, sugar and honey.

"Did you go to Mass in the end?" He placed the tray onto the crumpled sheets and sat back onto the bed; he relaxed back onto the headboard moving the pillows about to get comfortable.

"I was in surgery; I missed it." I really was intending to go; I haven't been to church in so long and I thought I should turn over a new leaf. I needed some spiritual help and guidance; I don't really know what the catalyst was, but I had a gut feeling that I should.

"When's the next one?" His hands were busy. I watched them move around the bowls of food; he poured on a little chocolate, sprinkled some sugar and drizzled on some honey.

"Next what?" I smiled to myself as I saw him finish my favourite topping; completely and utterly bad for me, but I was always unable to say no.

"Service. When's the next one?" I just twigged what he was asking me.

"I think there is one at eleven." He never showed an interest before. "Why?" He had some chocolate on his fingers that I couldn't stop looking at. I barely heard his answer as I thought about what I could do with those fingers.

"I can be ready for then."

"You want to go to church? On Christmas day? You never go to church." I was puzzled.

"Things change." He noticed the chocolate and was licking his fingers in a way that could only be done in a bedroom. "I want to." He nudged the waffle towards me; I took a chocolate sugar honey bite and set the rest back onto the plate.

His face exploded into a smile as he looked at me. He leant over and employed his very talented tongue to run along my upper lip; which soon turned into a hot and heavy kiss, our hands knocking the tray flying as he lay me down. The clatter of ceramic on the floor woke no one else; Sloan had packed up and left again, we laughed as we both leapt to grab at the disappearing breakfast.

We both lay on our stomachs staring at the mess on the floor and considering his reaction to the pancake batter mess, he was positively lackadaisical. Still grinning he turned onto his back; head hanging off the foot of the bed, the smile remained as I did the same.

"It was a good attempt at breakfast." I let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah; I'm sorry about that."

"You'll just have to make it up to me."

"I know how I can do that." I could hear his brain click into gear. I wonder what his evil plan was.

0o0

"I was hoping for hot Christmas sex."

"You can't say that in church." He batted my arm sharply as he caught the gaze of the priest. I had been here before for a weekday service; for a Catholic church there was warmth and a softness that I had never experienced as a child. The majority of the hall was already filled with families awaiting the service; I guided Mark into one of the pews near the back. As we sat onto the dark wooden pews I smoothed out my skirt nervously. I felt like a fraud; I felt instantly guilty that I hadn't gotten the time off to come to mass.

"Thanks again for coming." I scooted a little close so our legs were touching; another couple joined us, they were holding hands and married. They each had a simple band of gold on their ring fingers; I felt self-conscious. Along with not coming to church I was living in sin; a lot of sin, the sort of sin that you can still feel in the morning.

"I wanted to; plus it wouldn't hurt me to be a little closer to god." I let out a very unladylike snigger which caused the couple to shoot us an interesting look. "Although you might need a few bible lessons; you keep calling me god when I'm..." I had to cut him off.

"Mark stop it. We're in an actual church." I could tell he felt uncomfortable but it made me feel loved and appreciated and wanted.

As the service started I felt his hand gently grasp mine in the space between us and he didn't let go until we had to leave. As the priest started talking I let his melodic timbre take me over; as the familiar words swept over me I relaxed and my eyes drifted upwards. I always did it as a child; but I knew this time I wouldn't get a stiff reprimand from a nun. I enjoyed the architecture, the carvings, the gilding and the angelic colours.

But try as I might my eyes couldn't stay at the ceiling for long; but it wasn't to look at the man by my side, well just a little bit. What caught my eye and kept my attention was the couple to my right; they were about our age, maybe a little older, and they were holding hands like us but they had something extra. The muted lighting dotted around the hall made the gold on their hands sparkle; I hadn't realised how long I had been staring at their hands until they caught my eye. I offered an apologetic smile and forced my eyes forward. Completely missing that Mark had been looking as well.

The service finished and Mark still had a hold on my hand; squeezing it a little tighter when he heard me say 'amen'. The congregation were slow to leave; enjoying the festive feeling of togetherness and religion on this day. Mark seemed in no rush to get up so I briefly glanced at the decorations; the entire room was edged in pine cones and boughs of green and red.

Most of the crowd had left before I got up and out of my seat; Mark soon followed and we found ourselves in the entrance hall, the priest was greeting everyone as they exited into the frosty morning air.

"I hope to see you again." He clasped both of my hands in his. "You look lost my child."

"I...I'm." I was at a loss for words. "I'm Dr Poppy Alden." That was the first thing that sprang to mind.

"You're in good company here. Luke is the patron saint of physicians." Another parishioner was waiting to speak to him so I wished him a 'Merry Christmas' before descending the icy steps carefully. It wasn't until we were sat in the car that we spoke again. We were at the wonderful stage where silence isn't scary and we could walk to the car hand in hand and that was fine.

"Are you going to get all religious on me now?" When he asked that my stomach churned; although I was sure it wasn't to do with the question.

"Only when I'm screaming your name." I smiled at him as he put the key into the ignition; his smile was one I usually received when I was stood in front of him naked. I like that smile; it made me feel sexy and ten years younger.

"That's a religion I could get behind." Another naked smile.

"So what are the plans for today?" I flipped the visor down to check my hair.

"What do you want to do?" He turned left at the intersection after the lights turned green.

"I wouldn't mind eating something that you haven't thrown on the floor." I remarked; remembering this morning's escapade with a smile.

"Then may I suggest we eat out." It would be nice not to have to clean up afterwards.

"Aww I was looking forward to getting you in a pinny." A wonderful mental image popped up in my head; that would make a nice Christmas present. I hope he'll like mine.

"If you're a good girl I'll do that anyway." There's hope yet. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat again; my back twinged as I moved to compensate for my griping stomach, it seemed I was having an adverse reaction to church.

"I'm going to hold you to that." His phone rang and he let the Bluetooth pick it up; he put in the earpiece and started chatting away to who I assume to be Derek.

"Yeah; sorry, yeah. Soon."

"Was that Derek?" I assumed.

"It was. We're...um...late." He stuttered.

"For what? We didn't have plans with them. Or did we?" He wasn't taking us home.

"I sort of made plans to eat dinner with them." He looked sheepish.

I turned my body in the leather car seat to look at him. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I knew you needed this today. It was important to you; and we're not that late. I'm sure they found something to occupy themselves with." He turned the car around the final corner and we started on the long drive up to their house.

The trees were bare apart from the odd fir lining the wide dirt track; it was still covered in a deep blanket of snow, so Mark carefully navigated using the tyre tracks already in place. Once I opened the door I was glad I had worn boots; in the city they sweep the streets, the middle of nowhere was a different matter. I sunk into the snow and it made a satisfying crunch under my feet; I heard Mark yelp as he left the car, a sockful of snow no doubt was the cause.

We dragged ourselves to the porch; looking like the ministry of silly walks as we stepped over the piles of snow, both laughing at each other as we stumbled about. After a quick dusting off I reached for the doorbell but I was stopped before I could let anyone else know we were here. He took me by surprise.

He wrapped his arms around my body and drew me into his tightly; with one arm on my back the other cradled the back of my head. His lips hit mine with passion; his tongue teasing my mouth open, mine responding in kind. It was the kind of kiss that filled my head with him; it was the sort that made my knees weak and my skin tingle. It intensified quickly; his arms encircled my torso and dipped my body backwards, his eyes met mine and held my gaze before he finished the kiss off dramatically. Allowing me to catch my breath he brought me back to the surface and I stood on two feet again.

His eyes looked above my head and I followed. "Mistletoe."


	45. Schools and Gardens

"When am I getting my present?" Mark questioned into the cool night air as we left the Shepherd house after a day of frivolity and mock cocktails. Meredith had made the decision that if she couldn't drink, neither could anyone else; I didn't mind actually because the house was filled with raucous laughter for much of the evening, plus it hid my lack of drinking from everyone. Will and Lexie had also been invited; they were quite the couple now, it was nice to see him with someone that appreciated him. He did have a penchant for silly and inconsequential girls; and Lexie was far from that, she was fun but she was smart as well.

I climbed into his car and waited until I was buckled in before answering him. "It's at home." He gave me a faux disappointed look. "Where's mine?"

"It's on the back seat." I craned my neck around to see a brown paper package tied up with the obligatory string closure. "Open it." Timing myself with his braking I grabbed the corner of it and hauled it onto my lap; it was surprisingly heavy. "Be careful."

I pulled one end of the string until it freed the brown paper underneath; I set it aside and, as instructed, carefully unwrapped the book inside. "Oh my god." It was a hardcover book; a little tatty around the edges. It was very old book; I could tell from the smell alone, that beautiful musty smell of forgotten bookstores. I lifted it up so I could look at the spine; the gilded embossed lettering spelling out 'Gray's Anatomy: Descriptive and Surgical Theory' made my breath catch. "Mark." I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"I remember this girl from medical school I met on my first day." The car shifted up a gear. "She sat next to me without asking and wouldn't shut up about surgery. On our first day she already knew who she wanted to be." He smiled warmly at the memory.

0o0-Flashback-0o0

"How did you know the red head?" Will had finally noticed Addison after she said hello outside the hall.

We were wandering through the campus after a day of induction lectures; they mainly consisted of doctors telling us scary things about long hours and no social life. Or they outlined extracurricular activities that we should be doing; and after telling us that we would have no time to do anything else but study, they were telling us to make time. Literally produce it out of thin air.

"We met the day you were having a hissy fit when we were moving in." I explained. He was a couple of floors up; they were divided by gender, in an attempt to stop fraternising. Judging by my next door neighbour this was not the case.

"Damn it." Will spluttered. I spied a coffee cart and guided us towards it; and after handing our money over we faced the dilemma of where to sit, the benches were full of the new class. "Never mind; I'll find someone else's mind to blow."

"Let's get you sat down before you float away on that ego of yours." We headed towards the picnic area in the hope that someone would leave; with no such luck we had to be a bit more creative. "Is anyone sat here?" I approached a table with some space at the end.

The person I asked turned out to be ridiculously good looking. "I'm sure we can squeeze you in." He drawled as he scooched along. As I sat down Will came into view and his equally handsome friend moved up as well; what was it with all the good looking people here?

"So what do you reckon?" Will made himself comfortable and put his bag onto the ground.

"About the course outline?" Will nodded. "It looks good; can't want to pick my electives, I'm so going surgical." I fizzed.

"Why am I not surprised? You never know; you might like internal medicine." He popped the lid of his coffee to try and cool it down.

"As if! Why would I want to spend my time talking, when I can be cutting?" I sipped at the scorching hot coffee and instantly regretted it. "I can't let my suturing skills go to waste." I tried to play it cool as I made a covert attempt to stop my mouth from burning.

"You can suture?" The guy with the amazing hair spoke first.

"Yeah." I could have played the über competitive med student and questioned why they couldn't; but I decided that in this line of work friends were far more useful. "My dad is a doctor back home; he taught me during vacations." By the time I had left for college he had he own family practise.

"Lucky you." The flirty guy commented; sounding impressed.

"That's nothing; he's royally inbred." Will shifted uncomfortably on the wooden bench; it was definitely something to brag about, he tried to resist but he was proud of his father. "Ever heard of Dr Rowan Chase?"

"No way; that's cool. I'm Mark Sloan by the way."

"I'm Poppy Alden."

"Will Chase."

"Derek Shepherd."

0o0-End-0o0

I ran my fingers over the delicate leather binding; scared to open it just in case I damaged it.

"I can remember how she told me over a cadaver that she knew what she wanted to be a surgeon as soon as she read the first page of a book." I couldn't believe he remembered; on our first day one of our professors showed us a cadaver and I smiled a little too wide when it was my turn to have a look.

0o0-Flashback-0o0

"This is a dead body; get used to the sight because you all will kill someone sooner rather than later." The middle aged professor bellowed at us from the lectern; he had a funny little moustache and wire rimmed glasses but was apparently one of the progressive teachers.

I swallowed hard at our professor's admission. It was a humbling thought that brought us all back down to earth with a considerable thud; we were all going to kill someone, better get used to that. "I want you all come down here and take a look."

We queued patiently to walk past the cadaver; there was an uneasy excitement washing over the room, this was a dead person and death was tragic but we would be able get up close and personal with internal organs. This was way cool.

"Are you smiling?" I looked up from the open chest in front of me to be faced with a hushed Mark Sloan.

"No." I replied cautiously.

"You were." He caught me out.

"But this is it; that's what makes us tick, literally." I stared at the guy's heart for as long as I possibly could. "The first time I opened Gray's Anatomy I knew I wanted to be a surgeon; there was a diagram of a diseased heart and the first thing I wanted to do was fix it."

"You're a bit of a nerd aren't you?" We moved away and returned to our seats; he was cute, but I could tell he was a use them and lose them kind of guy, I decided then to avoid all sexual contact with him. And his friend. A wise choice I think.

"Yeah; but look around, we're not exactly a reunion of the pep squad are we?" Looking around it was easy to spot the band geek, the loner, and the science nerds. If there was a cheerleader or quarterback amongst us they were expertly hidden.

"Good point." He laughed in agreement before the lecture began again.

0o0-End-0o0

I plucked up the courage to open it to the first page. "And that is the first page of the first edition." Mark explained.

"How did you...remember?" I couldn't believe he did; I mean it's not the sort of thing guys are supposed to remember.

"You made quite the impression on me. That day you were the crazy girl that grinned at corpses."

"Now I know how you really feel." I laughed. "But Mark; this is such a rare text, how did you..."

"It's a present; stop asking questions." He said it kindly and I was left speechless for the rest of the journey; I'd looked at buying one before, nowhere close to a first edition and they were expensive. I was starting to think that my present was going to look lame in comparison. Who was I kidding; of course it was. I sank into my seat.

But I had to go through with it.

I had to make sure Mark got into the bathroom first so I could enter the bedroom second; and as he did I made a few last minute checks. I placed the book gently down onto the coffee table; the brown paper still encasing it, I didn't have time to consider feelings. But I adored the book; I could see many evenings annoying Mark by showing him the hundredth lithograph of a skull. I locked the door behind me and began the preparations; I had started them a couple of days ago actually, now was the fun part. I unzipped my boots and pulled them off.

"I'll be there in a minute." I watched him wander into the bedroom as he took his shirt off; I couldn't resist biting my lip.

I had minutes to spare as I took all of my clothes off at speed; before fishing out a small bundle of lingerie from in between the folded towels. I was hoping he hadn't found my surprise as I put my clothes back on. I wandered back into the soft light of the candles I had lit; he knew that something was up; the dirty look on his face was turning me on, which was no bad thing. In fact it was a really good thing.

"Where's my present Alden?" The way he growled my last name travelled down my spine like electricity.

"So Christmas isn't all about giving then?"

"Hell no."

"Oh really?" I started unbuttoning my shirt at the foot of the bed; but stopped after two, I had a better idea. I spun around and fished out two lengths of silk; much like the one he blindfolded me with, he raised an eyebrow when he saw what I was holding. "Because if it isn't about giving; then maybe I won't." I added a dramatic pause. "Give."

I walked around the bed and tied one end to the bedstead and the other tightly around his right wrist; I quickly did the same on his left side before he got any ideas. I had him trapped and naked; the vision of perfection.

"Giving is good; giving is great." How did I know he was going to say that? I continued to unbutton my shirt.

"I'm glad to hear that; because you might have to miss out on this." The shirt came off and it was promptly joined on the floor with my skirt.

"Giving is excellent." His eyes danced over my body; as I was doing the same to him.

"It certainly is." I climbed onto the bed and positioned myself so I was straddling his crotch; I was feeling the effects a little, or should it be largely, already. I offered him a sly smile as I stroked down my stomach I repositioned the red satin bow keeping my bra on; I let a hand drift lower and I watched him strain his neck to watch where it was heading. I stopped just after my fingers plunged beyond the lace; he moaned with lust and then groaned in frustration.

I felt his hips thrust underneath me as he tugged at the bindings around his wrist; I basked in the effect I was having on him, the candlelight flickering against his stubble. I pushed my body forward so I could rest on my hands; I planted a trail of kisses up his abdomen, I flicked my eyes up to see the underside of his chin. His head was tilted back against the headboard as I advanced up his chest; I wanted more out of him, so I wrapped my lips around his left nipple and ran my teeth against it gently.

From his throat I heard a guttural moan; the low resonance vibrating through his body, and he begged me with his eyes to continue. They had widened but fluttered shut as I leaned in further to kiss him; I used my tongue straight away, it was rough and forceful. I wanted him so badly; I and I know he wanted me, he hated that I was still wearing clothes. He stared at my breasts until I spoke.

"Oh. Do you want me to take this off?" I outlined the soft cup of my bra demurely. "I don't think I can." I leaned back into him; making sure I never touched him. "On my own." My lips were just a millimetre away from his.

"Then untie me." He jerked forward but I anticipated it. I tugged on the bow but deliberately let it slip through my fingers, he rolled his eyes spectacularly. "Let me untie you."

When I couldn't bear having him not touch me any longer I quickly released his arms; I had tied a knot that only I could undo. The quick release knot was gone and he quickly pulled me into him. "You're a bad girl." He whispered it into my ear; grazing my earlobe as he lay back down.

He casually threaded the festively coloured fabric through his fingers and looked me in the eyes; after the struggling and the sexy evil looks, I expected him to throw me on the floor or something. He kept me in suspense; every so often he would roll his hips and grind into me, I fought to keep my face straight. But it was impossible; he made it impossible, when every time his did this he sent a pulse throughout my entire body.

One smirk later and he had tugged the bow loose; I shrugged myself out of the bra and he took interest in my panties. Not enough to take them off, but just enough to snatch them to one side. Still sitting he put one arm around me and tipped me onto my back; actually he threw me down, then he climbed on top and indulged in some caveman tendencies.

o0o

"Oh my god Mark!" I was just about able to utter those words before my head hit the pillow; exhausted and exhilarated. My mind was blank apart from the buzz I was riding high on; I was drunk on sex and three orgasms. I lay on my side so I continue looking at him; he was looking incredibly pleased with himself.

With him lying on his side I let my eyes fall into his; the words were on the end of my tongue, I was tempted just to stick it out and see if he could read them.

"What are you thinking about?" He brushed away a hair off of my face

"Nothing." I mentally rolled my eyes at myself as he sleepily rested his arm on my waist; while giving me a disbelieving look.

"I know you." He so did; every time he looked at me he was reading my soul.

"I've wanted to tell you something for a while now." I felt his body stiffen. "I've had to stop myself blurting it out in inappropriate situations." I carried on fumbling over which words to use. "Like in the middle of a surgery; over hospital food, or after drinking too much beer. I can't stop myself thinking these things about you; I like feeling these things about you, they make me feel like a normal person. They make me feel like a person. I love you so much Mark. It almost feels fake."

"This is fake?" He was momentarily defensive.

"No; of course not." I desperately reassured him. "But you know me; I've never felt like this before, I don't know how it's meant to feel."

"I thought I knew. I thought I knew when I was with Addison; but that was infatuation. I thought I had it with Lexie; but we were never on the same page. But you." He ran his index finger down my nose. "With you; it is real."

"Do you realise we're nearly forty." He pressed his finger firmly against my lips. We're not supposed to say the 'f' word. "Okay; do you realise we're way too old." The finger got replaced. "Don't you think it's sad that we're only feeling like this now?"

"Do you think we should have gotten together on med school?" I loved it when he looked at me.

"Oh no. We were whores; it would have been a disaster." I thought I should say something better. "A hot disaster; a ridiculously sexy disaster." I moved in closer to him. "But a disaster. But I'm ready now. I'm ready to commit to you that scares me in a way I've never felt before. Not to say I wasn't before." I was beginning to talk myself in circles. "I don't know how to say it."

"How about I try?" He repositioned his body so he could pull me further into his chest; his arm running the length of my spine, his fingers playing with my hair. "Did you want to tell me that you love me? Did you want to use the other 'f' word?" I had to raise my eyebrow at him; there was only one word I had in my head, and we'd already done that. "Did you want to say that you wanted a future with me?"

That's a big 'f' word.

But it was the right 'f' word.

"Yes; I do. It's all I want. It's all I can think about." He flashed me a Sloan smile. "All day; everyday, I think about what I want from my future. And I've never done that before. But now it's all I can think about."

"What do you think about?" A tiny smile crept along his soft lips.

"Buying a house, buying it in a good area; joint bank accounts; furniture; reading the paper in bed on a Sunday." I took a breath and smiled into my next part of the speech. "Going on vacation together; anniversaries; arguing." I leant in for a small kiss. "And making up."

"We're going to have an awesome family." I could hear the excitement in his voice.

"That's why we need a house in a good area." I couldn't believe I was having this conversation. "For schools and gardens." And that I was being so calm; I wanted to share my thoughts, not finding a stupid little excuse or reason not to.

"Schools and gardens." He echoed.


	46. Not This Time

"Negative. Again." I threw the millionth pregnancy test into the bathroom bin and sighed as Mark looked on sympathetically. I knew he was as disappointed as I was; we had been trying for months and month and had gotten nowhere, frustration didn't even begin to cover it. The conversations with my OB/GYN mainly consisted of her telling me to relax and me telling her I'm a surgeon. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh come here." He encouraged me into his chest and I willingly took the opportunity. "This isn't your fault. I could have crappy sperm." I closed my eyes and listened to his voice.

"I very much doubt that. I could have an inhospitable environment situation." I still had my eyes closed.

"From personal experience; I can say that is not the issue." He was the one making the effort to lift the mood; I was feeling like the weak link in the equation, and what was worse were the results of our fertility tests. We were both fine; no discernable issues, just more relaxation techniques. "Well; this only means one thing."

"No no no. I not going to do that; I don't care it helps." Why do guys hone in on that one position? You know; the one with the twisted legs and back cramp that ends up with the inevitable trip to the ER, sheepish faces and wounded pride. No thanks.

"Oh no; not again, we can't go back to Seattle Pres because of that." He got me to laugh and physically lifted me out of my funk; I was off the floor and in his arms he spoke again to explain himself. "What I meant was that..."

"Ooh." He swaggered into the lounge; his eyes fixated on the rug we had just bought. "I love the way you think." He lay me down gently and let his hands wander.

"Fuck the ovulation tests and visualisation; let's do this our way." God I love it when he's right.

0o0

"You're late. Again." Will collared me as I left the on-call room. I was hoping to avoid him until I got to the OR; we were in surgery together today.

"So?" I adjusted my white coat and placed my stethoscope around my neck. He had made the occasional comment; and he was right, Mark and I were very much enjoying ourselves. And every now and then it encroached on consults and clinic hours; needless to say Miranda wasn't my biggest fan at the moment.

"You've just had sex." He hissed. I knew my face was flushed; every time, it was like a neon sign above my head.

"And?" I was trying to make sure I looked presentable but the facade slipped as Mark exited behind us; I giggled to myself, I had to really as Will was playing the shocked parent superbly.

"Well I hoped you used protection." Now I know he was fishing.

"Um...yeah, of course. Who do you think I am?" I kept my voice light and carefree as we began walking to the OR we were scheduled in.

"You are literally the worst liar in the world." That's the worst thing about having a best friend; they know everything about you. "So how long have you been trying?"

Should I keep this lie up? With the trouble we've been having it would be nice to avoid the pressure of someone else knowing; don't be stupid. "Come here." I dragged him into an elevator and hit the stop button. "You can't tell anyone."

"Oh my god you're pregnant."

"No. I'm not. But I want to be."

"Oh my god."

"Chill out; we're just trying." He sensed my disappointment and embraced me. I held on to him tightly and realised that telling him was a great idea; I had someone else to talk to about this.

"It'll happen." I felt him reach for the emergency stop button to get us moving again. "You'll get gloriously fat and I'll make fun of you."

0o0

"Damn it." I try not to continuously obsess over taking pregnancy tests; but I felt pregnant this time I couldn't help it but I wish I hadn't. It was a couple of weeks after our on-call room experience and I was even a couple of days late; but that must have been the stress. Mark was in surgery so I knew he wouldn't be home for hours.

I stood alone in the bathroom as I slid the test back into the box and wrapped it up in a paper bag; I didn't want to disappoint Mark again. He was being so supportive; I couldn't ask for a better man, but I hated seeing his face when I told him yet again that I wasn't pregnant. The reassuring smile that he wore never reached his eyes; they shone with tears as he told me that we should keep trying. It killed me. I could keep this to myself.

I threw the failure away in secret but I couldn't have it in the house; I didn't want it burning away in here. I picked it out of the trash and made my way down to the garbage chute; I chucked it down there making sure it was as far away from me as possible. As I jogged back to the apartment barefoot I decided to fall off the wagon; I had been eating healthily to help me get pregnant but now I needed ice-cream.

I practically hugged the freezer as I dug out the lone pint of chocolate ice-cream stuck to the back wall. I used a wooden spoon to chip away at the layers of ice; it turned out to be an excellent way of releasing the tension, by the time I had it in hands on the sofa I was in tears. I was sobbing my heart out as I was ploughing through my chocolate solace; it felt good.

I'm giving up vegetables.


	47. Tonight We Are Nowhere

"Hey, we missed our exit." I swung around to see it disappear into the distance behind heavy traffic. I was not in the mood for games; I had another crappy day at work and it was raining. And it was raining a lot; torrential in the morning, downpour over lunch and a shower since then.

"That's not our exit today." He turned the satellite navigation on and taped on the screen a couple of times until he was satisfied; however he angled the screen away so I couldn't see our destination. Another tap on the touch screen silenced the shrill automated voice of the system.

"I just want to go home; get into bed and be still." I sighed.

"Okay." He overtook a slow SUV in front as he remained infuriatingly evasive. I had gathered by now that because he needed help with directions; and judging by the highway we were about to join, he was taking me far away from the sanctuary of our apartment.

"Okay you're taking me the long way home; or okay we're not going home?" My bad attitude was a hangover from my terrible day and I was knowingly inflicting it on Mark; unfairly.

"How about you trust that I know what to do; and just get some rest." He turned the heating up a notch to protect us both from the creeping chill seeping through the car. "Take my jacket" He scooped it up from behind him. "And close your eyes." Eventually I gave up and wrapped his black leather jacket around my shoulders and leant against the headrest; allowing the rhythm of the driving rain to lull me into an uneasy slumber.

I drifted in and out of sleep continuously; but I found no clues as to where Mark was taking me, though I was glad that the rain had stopped. Before I woke for the last time I had a rather interesting dream that I doubted I would ever forget; usually things were traumatic and twisted remnants of my past surfacing again. But for once I had a reprieve and saw a white dress; I saw colour coordinated table decorations and guest lists. I saw a vision of a wedding that had to be mine; I always assumed I wanted small and private, but here my subconscious screaming big and poufy. I'll blame the pouf on the lack of sleep.

"Seriously? What the fuck? That isn't even a road!"

"Wha...?" I awoke to the sounds of Mark chanting obscenities at the seemingly poor directions.

"Oh sorry. Go back to sleep; I'm just a bit...lost." As I blinked a few times I watched him crane his neck around to figure out where to go next.

"Can I help?" I tried to open the glove box but Mark stopped me before I could even get a hand inside.

"You don't know where I'm taking you. I can figure this out." He sounded flustered; I shouldn't interrupt a man when he's lost. He turned the car around and suddenly had a revelation. "Aha; thank you." He addressed the GPS with a flourish. In that moment I loved him even more; I didn't realise it was possible, but his argument with the little black box made it happen.

I looked out of the window to ascertain where we had arrived at; Mark had taken the final turn slowly so he could park in front of a large wooden gate crossing the driveway. He hopped out of the car with a set of keys jangling in his hand; he pushed it open with ease and once he had it secured he took me up towards more darkness. I thought I could catch a glimpse of wherever we were heading but I received instructions I couldn't ignore.

"Close your eyes." Mark drawled. I shut them slowly so he could register my slight hesitation; I had no idea what I was in for tonight.

"I've never been kidnapped before. Shouldn't I be tied up in the back of a van?" I could hear the undeniable crunch of tyres rolling over gravel.

"I could have that arranged if you'd like." Even with my eyes closed I could tell he was smiling; the soft glow of the dashboard highlighting every inch of perfectly chiselled face. As I felt the car come to a gentle stop I unclipped my seatbelt; Mark quickly opened his door and made his way around to mine, and wherever he had taken me was extremely quiet.

He opened my door for me and as I slipped out of my seat and onto the stones he covered my eyes with a hand. I heard the door slam shut and I let myself be guided by him. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." I made tentative steps across the uneven ground; but I was soon steadied by his other hand wrapping it around my waist and landing on my lower abdomen. "I can't wait for Stockholm syndrome to kick in." His breath tickled me as he traced a line of kisses along up to my ear; and a gorgeous kiss to my neck revealed the surprise.

My stomach flipped and those butterflies I felt when we first kissed in that elevator made a reappearance; so intent was I on getting pregnant the romance had taken a hit. As my eyes adjusted I picked out the unmistakable flickering of candlelight; I was overwhelmed. This wasn't a spur of the moment getaway at all; this had been meticulously planned, I mean he had someone out here lighting candles in the middle of the night. Their tiny flames lit up with a comforting orange glow that seemed to warm the air around us. A million lights flickered danced along his skin.

"What do you think?" Mark's voice forced me to take a breath. My head was a tangle of emotions; my heart was light and head was free from the heavy thoughts of late. I whirled around; still in his embrace, so I could show him my immediate appreciation. As soon as our lips met all the stress and anxiety we had been feeling melted away; I could never get tired of his lips, or his hands for that matter. He hugged me tightly as I began to shiver in the cool night air; his beautiful hands dove into my hair and pulled me into him, I sank into him.

0o0

"Have you warmed up yet?" I watched Mark tend to the fire as I slowly took the extra layers off; I had commandeered all the spare blankets in the room, but now the air was beginning to heat up.

"A little." Even though I was greatly enjoying the view from the couch; I wanted him to thaw me out manually. "But I think I need some help." For the slightest moment I thought he hadn't heard me; but he was making me wait for a few seconds; building the anticipation, the delicious feeling that stirred my mind among other things.

He picked himself off of the floor; throwing another log on the fire effortlessly before joining me on the large squidgy sofa, once seated he wrapped an arm around me and I relaxed into him. A few minutes of amusing rearranging later I was lying in his arms facing the orange flames. The sweet crackle of the burning logs split the silence; the scent of outside permeating every inch of my senses, heady pine and wood smoke.

I felt him inhale deeply; his nose buried in my hair. "Warm enough?" I pushed my body further into his to steal a little more before answering.

"Mmm. So where are we?" Our location had only just crossed my mind.

"Nowhere; tonight we are nowhere." I liked that thought; he was right, it didn't matter where we were. All that mattered was that we were together; with no distractions, with no one else.


	48. Wine Country part 1

The fresh morning light tempted my eyes open with a promise of relaxation and pleasure; and with a few blinks they focused on my new surroundings, the atmosphere dotted with the occasional snore from Mark. His body was tangled up in layers of soft sheets; thankfully wearing little else so I was treated with a very pleasant view that the vista outside failed to live up to. My tongue traced along my upper lip; a reflex priming myself for action, I hesitated for a second before climbing onto my knees. I moved carefully and considerately so I could avoid waking him up before I could begin thanking him. Although the view from the window was low down on the list I could tell he had brought me to wine country; the neat rows of vines were as far as my eyes could bear to look.

His face was so relaxed that I stopped myself before bending down; he did this for me but he needed the time off too. "Morning." I sat back quickly in shock of having been caught and his mouth widened into a wide smile. "I knew it was you." He flexed out his chest subtly before sitting up to meet my disappointed face. "What's wrong?"

"I wanted to give you a little surprise of my own." As I attempted to continue my rambling he pressed a lone finger against my lips; driving me wild in the process.

"No; this weekend is about relaxing." A naughty sparkle flashed across his eyes; as if I could relax around him when he's naked. And he knew what he was doing to me when he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. The clear yellow light bathed his skin; the honey hues licking his defined abdomen as he turned, unabashed, to torture me further.

"So how did you know it was me?" He played along with me long enough to come tantalisingly close; I bit my lip as he bent down so we were face to face.

"I love the scent of your skin in the morning." My heart leapt to my mouth as he placed a kiss on my forehead so soft I could have cried. Leaving me in bed I pulled a few more of the sheets onto my cooling body; as his perfect body disappeared behind a light wooden door I counted myself lucky for finding him. So why was I wasting time in bed?

I hopped out from underneath the covers and tip-toed to the bathroom door; pushing it gently with my fingertips to avoid the creaking hinges, my mind instantly filled with dirty thoughts. Soapy bubbles running down an extremely handsome man as he scrubbed himself clean...the steam billowing out of the room cleared my head momentarily.

"You should be taking it easy." He called out from behind the pale blue shower curtain.

"How can I take it easy when you're in here naked and touching yourself?"

"You need to rest."

"Okay; fine." I took a breath and turned it into a sigh. "I'll just go back to bed and touch myself..." He swiped the curtain back and dragged me into the large roll-top bath; I couldn't contain my self-satisfied grin.

0o0

He is such a gentleman; although the way I was feeling this morning I wanted more of a caveman, being rebuffed in bed and the shower bruised my ego somewhat. He left me in the hot stream of water to finish washing my hair; I pushed the lather over my head and leant back to rinse myself clean. Mark was being coy again; but then who was I to judge him? He had spent a considerable amount of time getting this together and I was still in joyous shock about the whole situation. And as I carefully lifted one leg over the side of the now empty bathtub I fumbled around for a dry towel; securing it around my body I was instantly intrigued by the silence.

I patted myself dry but couldn't resist investigating the absence of Mark's presence; he was my greatest security blanket of late, everything that had happened he was the one to pull me back up. Around him I always stood on two feet and walked tall. I filled my lungs with an inspiring breath and took the fluffiest towel I had ever seen along with me on my adventure. My feet were still damp as I padded along the wooden floor; my legs carving out a direct path with thoughtful and deliberate steps, I soon found him.

A matching towel slung low around his hips; a captivating drop of water followed the contours of his tensed back muscles. I got the feeling I was supposed to be upstairs; I needed to get my head around surprises and just go with the flow. I repositioned myself so I was a little better hidden behind the carved doorframe; my desire to watch him secretly rose above the sensible idea of returning to the bedroom. It wasn't long before watching him wasn't enough.

I waited until he busied himself by the large ceramic sink before entering the room; carefully avoiding the large wooden table between us. At a loss for something witty to say I chose to hook a sole index finger over his towel and pull it loose, barely containing my own gasp the cotton towel pooled over my feet. He dropped whatever he was holding into the sink with a clatter; and with a dramatic sigh he turned around, his face was stony.

"You are literally the worst person to surprise." His voice was laced with disappointment.

"I'm sorry." Keeping one hand on my towel I reached up to apologise with a kiss; his lips momentarily hesitant before giving in, he cradled my head with both hands and pushed me seductively against the table I passed earlier. My mouth relaxed open as I tilted my head back; Mark's lips had forgiven my faux pas and were making their way along my collar bone, feathery light kisses waltzed dangerous low.

"I think things would go a little smoother if you were undressed." His chin had hit the towel and his eyes were begging for more; they peered up as his hands went further south. I anticipated his next move and whipped my towel away; his stubble grazed my breasts as he took advantage of my willing state. My body reacted by arching into him; skin on skin he gasped first, he was at my ear and hearing that wanton growl escape his lips made me cry out into the sun drenched kitchen.

The sizzle of indulgence between us matched that coming from the ancient range cooker; catching the waft of naughty food Mark released me and dashed to prevent a fire hazard. With a content smirk plastered over his lips he returned to me; with an undeniable swagger in his hips when he walked back to me he stood proud. I found swift fingertips digging sensually into my waist so I could be placed beside a hastily removed gingham tablecloth. The timber soon warmed to me favourably as I sought support from my outstretched arms; with hands planted firmly Mark's crept along my thighs, his fingers taking small steps to sweep over my eager skin.

"Oh god." I coerced my eyes open to see Mark knelt before my; his eyes pierced through mine intensely as a pair of devilish lips meandered with intent. A flick of the tongue that met my wetness made me drive into his mouth; capturing me with a subtle graze of his teeth electrified my entire body. My nerves sang as I signalled I wanted more from him; I was ready for all of him, this was pure lust. Dirty lust.

I expected him to thrust into me there and then; but he obviously had other plans that I couldn't read just yet. Just one look at him told me that he was close himself; if he wasn't holding me I would have dropped to my knees and returned the favour, with my arms contained by his hands I was turned around. Mark traced down my spine firmly with one hand and ended with a cheeky spank of my ass; the short sharp pain made me moan which spurred him on, I could feel his excitement. Roughly pushing my legs apart I bent over further in submission to his will; testing me with a couple of fingers I groaned again.

"Close." Was all I could manage to squeeze out; but I didn't need to say anything else before he entered me from behind. I slammed a hand down in front of me as I enjoyed the thrilling sensation of being taken forcefully by seriously sexy man. I wish I could have lasted longer but a few deep thrusts later and I was already on the brink; nothing I could do would bring me back. He released a hand from my waist and let it migrate towards my breasts; going even deeper he let out a throaty growl, one I recognised the last time my lips were wrapped around his cock.

Before we came I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin against me; I needed more contact so I took the hand playing with my hardened nipple and wrapped it around my body, pulling him close to me I feel him take a hug gulp of air as he whispered to me. "I love you." With those three words hanging in the air he brought me into his chest; I threw my head back onto his shoulder and his lips found my neck. I had my eyes closed to the world as I felt a single hand wander ever lower; he doubted his skills as before his magnificent fingers had a chance to touch me my breathing quickened rapidly.

"Mark." I sucked in some desperately needed oxygen sharply as he continued to move inside me. "Oh god." A rush of emotion pulsed throughout my body; screaming to be released, a tortured gasp later and I let everything go. "Oh god yes!" I cried loudly as I grabbed his hand again. And in my ear I could hear a dark husky roar escape from deep within the man holding me. Shuddering together our bodies trembled with the afterglow of impulsiveness.

Every morning should be like this.


	49. Just Fine

"So are you going to tell me where we are then?" We had recovered over good food; our impromptu occupation of the table had ruined his first attempt at breakfast, the second time was more successful albeit less exciting. Although watching a man wrestle a frying pan out of your hands and demand that he do the cooking does has its high points. I tightened the towel around me as he returned to the stove; he had replaced his as well for protection. Even though the offer of a naked chef was seriously tempting; I wasn't about to let him put his manhood in the way of harm.

"We're in Columbia Valley." He stated plainly; watching, eagle-eyed, for my reaction. I expected a little more in ways of detail but instead he picked up a couple of eggs and cracked the shells. Plucking a whisk from the utensil jar he mixed the eggs together; he had already sliced some bread previously ready to be fried.

"Planning on getting me drunk?" I flashed him a smile when he turned around; he returned it and I melted.

"I don't think it'll be necessary." He raised an eyebrow over the bacon; a darkly knowing look sent a hot shiver down my spine. "But, I mean, when was the last time we just, you know, relaxed?"

"I honestly can't remember." Between pregnancy tests and surgery our social lives revolved around the odd dinner out and dart tournaments at Joe's. It was just a sad and distant memory now; but I think this weekend will be full of drinking, good food and minimal clothing.

"Me neither; so I thought." He took my hand in his. "I thought this was the change we needed." He leant down into me and kissed me gently. He turned around to retrieve the plates he had laden with food; his towel holding steadfastly, unfortunately. "You know you can't wish it off." He caught my determined look.

"I can; I'll try." I ate my French toast first. It tasted so deliciously forbidden; I had banished everything remotely bad out of my diet, and if Mark hadn't bent me over the table this morning it would have been orgasmic. "I can try...hard."

"You're insatiable." He smirked while licking a few crumbs off of his thumb.

"It's your fault." I picked up a piece of bacon with my fingers and savoured every bite.

0o0

"Did you bring any clothes for me?" We had retired to the bedroom and I had a sudden realisation that I hadn't packed a thing; Mark had organised this so I was doubtful that I wouldn't be wearing much more than a towel this weekend. Not that I minded; but it would be nice to go outside even if it was only the once.

"Would it matter if I didn't?" A smile played along his lips. "You don't really need to wear anything." He embraced me and tried to steer me away from the solitary suitcase half open on the bed.

"I wouldn't mind one breath of country air." I dramatically played for the window.

"You don't need clothes for that."

"You're a bad man." I threw my arms around his neck. "So I have nothing else to wear apart from a towel?"

"Looks like it." He untangled himself from me and dragged me onto the bed; leaving for a moment to open the petite cottage window, a burst of fresh morning air enveloped us as we lay together. It felt so decadent to be lying in bed so late; we both fell asleep quickly in each other's arms. I slept so unbelievably well; the unobtrusive chirping of birds flitting about and the occasional breeze lulled us into a restful slumber.

I awoke a couple of hours later feeling fresh faced and stretching my limbs towards the sunlight; I was relaxed from head to toe, it felt like I had been asleep for days. I opened my eyes with the expectation of meeting his deep blues across the smooth expanse of heavenly sheets. I sank into them and imagined his arm draped across my waist, with his fingers dancing across my waist.

I wanted to go exploring; but it seemed like pie in the sky with my distinct lack of clothes, I had my things from yesterday but they weren't that suitable. I caught another glimpse of the rolling hills outside and my heart soared; I was feeling lighter than ever before and I wanted everyone to know it. My thoughts returned to my clothes again; recollecting the solitary brown leather bag sat on the floor in the corner. Clasping the soft cotton sheet to my chest I slipped a leg out and let it touch the luxuriously deep pile of the rug; but I didn't need to venture any further.

My eyes and hands were instantly drawn to the mass of silk at my feet; the cool and floaty fabric glided though my fingers delicately as I tried to discover what I had been left. As each second passed my heart rate raised another beat; and it leapt further still when I uncovered a slip of paper with Mark's handwriting scribbled across it.

"_Meet me outside."_

Three little words that gave me everything I wanted.

I hopped out of bed quickly; full of Christmas day excitement for what this day would contain, the secrets and surprises having been so carefully plotted were coming to fruition for him. I hoped I was showing enough appreciation for his effort. With my feet sitting deeply within the creamy rug I leant over and pulled the fabric up; revealing a beautiful dress, nothing short of perfect for my surroundings.

With the anticipation of what today could bring playing through my mind; I dressed myself by pulling the material over my head, and after some adjustment the fabric settled around me. The large watercolour print complimented my skin tone exactly how I imagined it when I first saw it in the window. It was one that I had recognised from a detour I made on a shopping trip a couple of weeks ago. Somehow he remembered a throwaway comment I made outside a shop window; excruciatingly overpriced but I was intending to buy it anyway when I had the time to return.

I sighed contently as I ran my hands over myself; the top part was fitted like a bodice and the full skirt flowed out from my waist. As I moved the skirt floated up around me; and as I fixed my hair up in a loose chignon I felt somewhat regal, however there was one sticking point. This tiny insignificant fact lay in a two items of clothing left out for me; I suspected out of politeness more than intent, hopefully.

I skipped down the aged wooden stairs in a pair of sandals leaving the selected lingerie behind on the bed. Remembering the instructions I had been left; I exited out of the front door and was met with a gorgeous smiling face highlighted with the warmth of the midday sun.

"How's the air?" He asked cheekily as he looked around.

"Just fine." I replied with the merest hint of sarcasm; but the woven picnic basket at his feet suggested he was already one step ahead. With our hands entwined I followed him across the grass; enjoying the feeling of the soft blades as they grazed my feet.


	50. Cardiac Update

Firstly I am wholly flabergasted that people are still checking back on this! By chance I hit on this by accident, man it was a long time ago since I updated, and although I can'y promise a thing, but I think it's only fair I wrap this up in the nearish future, how about by the end of th year for sure? Three years ago I started this, crazy times!


	51. Wine Country part 2

"Are you okay?" Mark gently cupped my shoulder as we sat in the kitchen enjoying our last peaceful breakfast.

"Yeah," I refocused my gaze from the distance back to Mark, his expression softened. "Just going to miss this." I indicated the whole place with a wave of my hand.

"Hmm, me too." Mark's hand slipped down my back to settle around my waist. "Don't really want to go back now."

He pulled me in for a consuming kiss that made me melt in his arms, and as his warmth and safety surrounded me my mind saw what lay ahead in our future. It was full of moments like this, quiet moments of joy interspersed in our hectic lives and I wanted that. For the first time in my life I had no desire to run away from personal commitment, search for friction or create it.

"I'm so happy Mark." I beamed serenely.

"Me too." He pressed his lips to my temple and I heard him breathe in deeply. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Those words flowed easier than I ever thought they would, there was a time when I resigned myself to a life of medicine and nothing else, with the occassional overnight guest. And although I would have been more than okay with that, definitely fulfilled, there was something about coming home to the same person day after day forever that made me breathless. In the best way possible.

We tried to stay in the moment for as long as possible, but we both knew we had to hit thr road sooner rather than later so we weren't rushed. But neither of us wanted to make the move or say the word to bring the weekend to an end. It had been utter bliss to go at our own pace, enjoy everything outside had to offer, and not have to respond to every beep, question and demand.

"We should...you know, head off."

"I know." I sighed as I twisted around to kiss him and then to drag him off the couch, knowing that if we sat there any longer it would end up with us completely naked. I could feel his hesitation, I could feel him resist my attempt to get him out of the seat but I had to play the adult. "Come on, we don't really want to leave it any later."

Mark spanked me playfully. "Alright Dr. Alden, if that's what you think is best." He grinned.

With Mark stowing our luggage away in the trunk I quickly darted through the house to make sure we had collected everything that was ours. I was instantly glad I had fallen for my neurosis when I made it to the bedroom to find a shirt of Mark's lying crumpled on the floor beside the bed, the chance to inhale his scent proved too much and I paused long enough to indulge my whim.

"Ready?" Mark shouted from downstairs.

"Yeah." I replied, not full of enthusiasm.

oOo

"This traffic is ridiculous, glad we left when he did." I slowed the car down marginally to allow for the build up of cars in front and had go down another gear.

"Yeah, I'll try and see what's going on." Mark answered the question already on my lips, and as we seemed to close in on why everyone was slowing down we got the answer. "I think we need to pull over."

"Why?"

"I think we're needed." Mark sounded serious. "Pull over. Just here."

There was a suv parked hurriedly on the shoulder and even though there didn't seem to be much activity, I understood why Mark wanted me to stop, there was just something that begged for help about the situation. I brought the car as far away from the road as possible and almost as soon as the car stopped Mark hopped out and dived for the trunk. Ever the surgeon, like me, he rarely travelled anywhere without medical supplies.

After quickly following him out of the car he handed me a pair of gloves just in case, but we soon pulled them on in tandem, the frantic man hovering at the open door told us everything. There was a baby on the way. The screams helped too, but it was the unmistakable look of impending fatherhood that said everything.

"You okay there sir?" I started us all off.

"My wife!" He shouted above the noise of the traffic streaking past. "Having our baby, almost made it to hospital. Need to get to hospital."

"We're your hospital." Mark interjected. "Any complications we should know about?"

"No. Just help!" He gestured at his wife laying on her back.

"We will." I soothed. "Get in the front seat and keep her calm." He did as I instructed and me and Mark got on with the task in hand.

"You okay in there?" Mark moved into position, he had more experience in this field than I did, there were no babies to deliver when you're surrounded by soldiers.

Her only response was a long drawn out scream and with no painkillers to help her I didn't blame her. "Have you phoned for an ambulance?" The husband didn't respond straight away so I had tap his arm to get his attention. "Ambulance?"

"Yeah, but it..."

"Got your phone?" He handed it over and I phoned in to check the progress, and it was still on it's way. "Think it's stuck in traffic, it's on it's way though."

"Poppy, take her blood pressure." Mark ordered, he was running the show and I wasn't about to start arguing.

"Holding steady Mark, looking good." The reading was good enough for him. but as soon as I gave it and went to measure it again Mark gave the instruction to push hard. I knew when he asked her to pant that parenthood was imminent, I had the scissors ready to take out of the packaging to cut the cord and I also had the suture kit ready to go if it was needed. But it wasn't, just as the lights of the ambulance came into view their child took it's first breath.

"Do you want to cut the cord?" Mark was cradling the baby in a towel looking a mixture of pleased and relieved with the result.

"Yes." The new father's eyes shined with unadulterated joy as he partook in the tradition regardless of the fact they were on the shoulder of a busy highway.

I cleaned the newborn up under the watchful gaze of the father as Mark tended to the woman with the help of the paramedics. "Congratulations, here's your son." Carefully wrapped up in the towel I handed the bundle over to the man who instantly brought him to see his mother.

oOo

"I think you deserve this." I poured a single glass of wine for Mark and presented it to him.

"Yeah?" He took a large sip before setting it back down on the kitchen surface. Our bags lay in a pile next to the sofa to be sorted out tomorrow.

"You delivered a baby on a highway, you deserve it." I smiled as I walked over to stand next to him, wrapping my arms around his neck I kissed him deeply. "You helped to make them parents."

"Us next." He patted my stomach lightly.

"I hope so." A yawn escaped my lips. "Bed I think." Slipping my hand into Mark's I aim for the bedroom but find my progress halted sharply. "Mark?" I turned around to face a solemn Mark gazing back at me.

"I don't know how to say this, I mean I have no idea where to begin, but I know there is nothing else I want to do right now." He inhaled deeply before continuing. "Poppy, would you marry me?"


End file.
